protesting the hobbit
so tonight was my first protest. It was at the premiere of The Hobbit. Animals died during the making of the film, so Peta urged people to boycott the movie and protest at the premiere. i’m a little uneasy around crowds but i do it for 1.) celebs i love & 2.) a good cause aka animals. so it being my first protest, i didn’t know what to expect. i thought i would hold signs and maybe yell stuff about animals not needing to die for films. I feel i should have prepared myself a little more, as when asked questions i freeze. so people who didn’t know about the issue were asking questions. I know about some things, but when people ask me things, i just fill were fear. (i turn into a complete mute or say things i dunno why i say) i don’t date for said reasons. i need to find a way to not fill with fear anytime people ask me things, especially if i want to be an actress. i mean i’ll have to go on talk shows and such. so i need to find a way to not fill with fear. so that said i learned a lot. so the sign holding was great. held a huge sign for an hour and a half. my arms will hurt in the am, i’m sure. one thing that really struck me was, an actor on the film, Sir Ian Mckellen called me out and tried to explain something to me. He said he worked on the film for 18 months, if something happened, he would know, & he believes it did not. I thought i was gonna cry. i told the event planner Ashley about this later on, as well as some fellow protesters. They all thought that was awesome. So that was a good thing? ok. I still felt bad, like i was doing something wrong. In that 10 seconds he was speaking to me i felt filled with shame. I couldn’t say anything because i was so confused. Later Ashley asked if i had said something back. How could i, i went mute. I told her i didn’t & she said good for me. So that was good to? So confusing. Whatev. I’m really great writting to people, like online. like i’m super great at that. but in front of people, my god, i fill with such fear. I don’t know what it stems from, but i need to fucking get over it already. I hate people, & yet i want to please them so bad. I felt like i was doing a horrible disservice for Peta. i felt i wasn’t good enough to protest for them. back to my old thoughts before i started a research study for social anxiety disorder. i guess those pills were working. After all that a young lady, maybe about my age came up to me. She said Thank You to me. She said it’s such a hard thing and really appreciated me protesting against the killing of animals for film. At that moment i felt like i was doing a good thing. All my hang ups and inner demons be damned. I’m sticking up for animals. Creatures that have no voice. Creatures that are being killed for no reason. 3 horses died on this film. One was rode off of a cliff. One horse had his legs tied up and was severly injured. Chickens, Goats and Sheep were injuried and killed, some by dogs, some by illness due to negligence. These issues of animal deaths could have been prevented. No animals have to die like this. Ugh it just sickens me. So i remember why i am there. It’s not for me, it’s for them. All the animals who were injuried or killed. It’s for them. I was there tonight for them.
OMG, THIS IS ME NOW