Ask a Cultist

Eppstein here. Raised my hand for this job because it involves sitting down. Yeah boy. Also, having spider legs for fingers makes typing easy. Which is good. If somethings not easy, I don't do it. Ask some questions. Or don't. No skin off my ass. Assuming I have one of those. Haven't checked. Too much effort.

[hweemail]

What would you donif you'd ever encounter a Custode named Kitten?

I’d be in awe.

Big fan.

[hweemail]

As a chaos cultist, what's you're opinion on genestealer cultists? Ever convert one?

[hweemail]

"Can I hug you cultist? You seem like a nice person"

[hweemail]

whats your opinion on the dark eldar?

[hweemail]

I had no idea you had an ask blog! What do you have to say for new followers like me?

[hweemail]

Greetings heretic! Got any good Xenos tech? Looking to improve my wargear, and the Admech can kiss my gene-hanced ass about innovating.

Hwee hahve nahtheeng exceehpt howor convictiooon.

But hyuu ahre free. Hyuu can do whatevohr hyuu want weeth hyoor we-poon now.

Hyuu can eemprove eet how HYUU see fit.

Hyuu are truly frreeee.

Eff hyuu like, hwee could spit ohn hyor swoooooords.

EEt might make them hurt mohre!

[hweemail]

Oi cultist, who's your favorite chaos god?

Ahndeevided fohr life.

True kay-ohss.

Hwee compremise. Hwee work togehthor.

Ahthors do noht.

They theenk eet is ahs versus them.

Baht eet ees noht.

Eet ees ahs versus them and them and them and them and them.

Hwee ahre strong.

Hwee ahre wahn.

Eet ees hwhy hwee will wiiiin.

[hweemail]

Cultist, who is stronger? Khorne, or Tzeentch?

EEz noht normAhl quest-tioooon.

Hwhat eez mohr eempohrtant? Good aht chess ohr good aht pahncheeng sahmhwan een the bread baskeeeeeet?

Eez contehxt.

Hwhat eez behtohr? Meatball sahb sahdhweech ohr bloh jooohb?

Hyuu might sehy bloh johb. Baht that hweell noht help heef hyyu ahre starveeng.

Meatball sahb hweel noht help hyuu weeth ahthor prohblem ahnless hyuu VEHRY creative.

Context eez hevorytheeng.

All gohds ahre good. All gods are behst. All gohds are strong.

Kay-oss ees strooooohng.

[hweemail]

how does sister ringarde trick you into taking bathes cultist?

Noh need!

She mehkes a gaaaame hov eeeet!

[hweemail]

Whose rituals are the hardest?

She who thiiirsts has a rare and teehribble rit-u-aaaal...

Hwee hahve to puuht on the behst clothes we haaave, dye howor haaaair and go shoppeeng fohr soft breeeead.

Hwee dohn’t know hwhy.

Hohnestly eet even mehkes ahss feel weeeird...

[hweemail]

Cultist, it seems you occasionally show ways of venerating Slaanesh and Nurgle, and even Khorne when possible, but how do you show your love of Tzeentch?

Hoh. That eez hahll een howor attituuude.

Hyuu mahst have noh-ticed.

Aftohr howor devotiooon,

howor nehxt stron-geest feet-yoor eez the fact that hwee nevohr geeve ahp.Hwee ahre a bas-ti-on of hoooope.

[hweemail]

Cultist, what are your opinions on Grey Knights?

Hwhat ees hyoor opinion hwhen hyuu dreek water?

Eet exeests. Eet serves eets pUUUUr-poooose.

Baht eet ees bohring. Enjoyed honly by the deseraaaaaate and duuull.

Also?

“nahne have ehvor fallen to kay-oss?”

ees lies.

ees HALWAYS lies.

[hweemail]

Ever met Lukas the Trickster Wolf?

Hwee deed! Fahnny guy!

He wahs wastehd as a servant hohv the corpse gooooooohd...

[hweemail]

Kyete sends a box of hugs and a blanket along with a note, it reads: "Thank you for all of your hard work. Please continue as you are doing a great job."

[hweemail]

Do you think cultist-chan would ever get q bunny?

[hweemail]

How's Waffles doing? Can we see 'em?

Hoo eez waffles?

[hweemail]

any of you guys fight a imperial unit called "the ragged edges"?

((I’m really sorry. There’s not meant to be any overlap. The ragged Edgfes, while weeaboo, crummy and goofy is meant to be basically grounded in the general 40k universe. Dranon the professional is set in a version of the 40k universe where a chaos cultist, an ultramarine, a necron, an angry marine and firewarrior all went to high school together))