still have been juggling with the idea of an anti depressant, im unsure of why im so scared of them.. but i truly am terrified to no end. i want to be able to do things and have friends without constantly reminding myself that im not here. i cannot help but feel so absolutely stupid and clueless about everything because i want to hear other people, but i hear them so much that im not here and i have nothing to stand on myself, which might be okay.. but i would like to feel here, and heard. its constant and i go short periods of time with being alright with it, but within a few hours time i am hating everything that i am or was.
















