The Doctor

Master of the (definitely not illegal) Dark Arts, Wizard of (semi-)great renown, Greatest enjoyer of cough syrup. I am the Doctor.

[i-am-the-eldritch-doctor]

I just tried to open a door.

I pulled.

I found the ancient scripts upon the door.

It's a push door....

[i-am-the-eldritch-doctor]

I accidentally took laxatives instead of a mana potion

This is not what i meant when i tried casting Summon Shitstorm

[i-am-the-eldritch-doctor]

You'd think that in a world of wizards and magic that the damn busses arrive on time by using chronomancy or teleportation, but no. These things come late on PURPOSE now.

This makes learning Teleport a necessary spell for anyone to have.

Plus it's way cooler.

[i-am-the-eldritch-doctor]

Mana? Magic Power?

Sir, my spells run on 3 hours of sleep and a mediocre dream.

[the-mighty-dalob]

I don't use mana really at all.

And i don't need sleep either

[i-am-the-eldritch-doctor]

Dude are you even alive at that point

[i-am-the-eldritch-doctor]

Mana? Magic Power?

Sir, my spells run on 3 hours of sleep and a mediocre dream.

[highly-flammable-wizard]

well. the good news is I've learned to cast level 5 flood.

the bad news is that the tower has been rendered... inaccessible

[i-am-the-eldritch-doctor]

Now... To learn Summon Giant Sponge...

[i-am-the-eldritch-doctor]

I cast:

BOO!

Scared ya, didn't I?

No?

2030 is closer than 2020.

Now feel the dread.

[i-am-the-eldritch-doctor]

I recently received a letter to join the wizard council. I didn't even apply to be there. This must be a trick by the gnomes.

The gnomes have started scamming businesses smh. What has this world become.

[freshmanwizard]

man is that why i got that email about the head wizard asking me out? this makes so much more sense now. also i'm, like, way too old for him idk what he was on

[i-am-the-eldritch-doctor]

Dude, never trust the gnomes, i tell ya...

[i-am-the-eldritch-doctor]

I recently received a letter to join the wizard council. I didn't even apply to be there. This must be a trick by the gnomes.

The gnomes have started scamming businesses smh. What has this world become.

[i-am-the-eldritch-doctor]

After 60 years... I've finally completed it...!

My most Ultimate Spell!

I call it:

Sphere of Eternal Darkness and Torture_V.4_New_Uptdated_Final_Revised_THIS ONE!!!

[i-am-the-eldritch-doctor]

A time wizard must've cast a curse on me or something... Ive been losing track of time lately, like completely. I just look out the window and notice the suns already down..

Or i just was really immersed in painting my warhammer minis...

...no, those minis were just cursed by a time wizard 100%. Definitely. Probably.

[i-am-the-eldritch-doctor]

Ever heard of a bone wizard?

No, no. Not a necromancer (although most of them start as bone wizards).

A bone wizard.

They hurl skulls at their enemies and strengthen your bones.

Theyre also called Lactossnimancers

[john-boneman-lich-lord]

Alright. Who taught the gnomes how to cast Penis Blast? I had like 4 minions walk into my office asking me to fix it.

I'm not mad, I just want to know.

[john-boneman-lich-lord]

REVEAL YOURSELF >:V

[i-am-the-eldritch-doctor]

Im not the guy but i did ALSO teach my slave gnomes penis blast, so there are at least two culprits

[i-am-the-eldritch-doctor]

Im currently looking for a labourer apprentice, anyone up?

I provide a inhumane whimsical workplace, a nice fluffy bed, and 30 vacation days (as wizard code of optional law)

(dont ask about what happened to the last guy)

[monsterfucker-research-wizard]

Eldritch, you say? Are there horrors, and can I fuck them?

[i-am-the-eldritch-doctor]

Well, my apprenticeship is more focused on... The divine arts of magic and witchcraft, specifically focusing on shadow or void magic. If you're searching for eldritch horrors, try a cult or a warlock, there are suprisingly many around my tower.

And the eldritch in my name is referring to me, the (eldritch) Doctor, and no you may not fuck me...

[i-am-the-eldritch-doctor]

Im currently looking for a labourer apprentice, anyone up?

I provide a inhumane whimsical workplace, a nice fluffy bed, and 30 vacation days (as wizard code of optional law)

(dont ask about what happened to the last guy)

[mold-wizard]

Yeah, yeah, all these ancient curses are nice and all, but I think it's worth trying out some of the new curses. I swear, some wizards don't want to try any curse that was invented in the last half millennium.

[i-am-the-eldritch-doctor]

To be fair, most of those curses go against the genewiz convention (not that most wizards care).

Most of these more tame new curses are just mild inconveniences.... Like, per say... Manual Blinking.

Then theres stuff like Thragalobs Eternal Lava Enema which is just a dick move.... Even i'd feel bad casting that...

[i-am-the-eldritch-doctor]

God, the local king declared war on the neighbouring kingdom again... Guess who's gotta awkwardly deny the kings request of backupppp