December 2025 (an excerpt from my notes)
Four months after ending my relationship, I honestly thought I was already healed. It took me a year to finally walk away, so I believed I processed everything while I was still in it. I thought I did the work.
But I didnāt really give myself time to sit with what ended.
I moved on quickly. I dated right away and I stayed distracted. I stayed excited about starting a new life, and for a while that excitement felt like healing. Turns out, it wasnāt.
Now the grief has caught up to me. Not in a loud way, but in a quiet one thatās hard to ignore. Iām not missing anyone. I donāt want anyone back. But I can feel the space they left. Thereās a void in my heart, and for the first time, Iām actually letting myself notice it.
As this year is ending, the choices Iām making now keep reminding me how different my life is from last year. That contrast has been triggering something I didnāt realize I was still carrying.
Even the small things make sense now.
Last month, I was so excited about finding a new grocery store. I kept going there, kept thinking about how much I loved it. I thought it was just a new favorite place.
But today I realized I was avoiding the grocery stores I used to go to with my ex. I didnāt notice it at the time. I just thought I liked this new one more. But really, I was protecting myself from memories I wasnāt ready to face yet.
Now that I can admit Iām grieving, everything feels clearer.
I can see what I was avoiding. I can acknowledge it instead of running from it.
Maybe this is part of healing too? not being āokayā all the time, but being honest when Iām not.
blakekathryn
ellievsbear
amandla
andulkaphoto
stormborns
vaporwave
