If One’s Different, One’s Bound to be Lonely - Wolverine Fic
Fic Synopsis: We know Wolverine and Sabertooth but the reader is known as Jackal. Just like the other two, their mutation is animalistic, lending them healing factors, enhanced physical abilities, and animal senses. This fic details their relationship with the Anchor!Wolverine and how they ended up meeting the Worst!Logan
Chapter Warning: angst, so much angst, violence, cussing, slight tiny fluff, trigger warning - do not want to give too much away so PLEASE read with caution and trigger warning is before the scene
A/N: I AM SO SORRY!!! I hate waiting for an update and it never comes. Life has just been super crazy. I have continued to think about this fic though and do have plans to finish but update may take another month. I am so sorry again. I hope this chapter gives something!! A lot of plot building and not a lot of dialogue. Again, I AM SO SORRY.
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After you revealed the truth to Logan, you thought he’d be done with you. That he’d only be civil for the sake of the school and X-men. That there would be no more nights of drinking alone together in your room. Or random spars in the gym.
But that was not the case.
Logan was grateful. He finally had some info about who he was before - although it was from a second party- it was still something. After his moment of anger, he wanted you to tell him everything. He wanted every memory, every detail you would offer.
So you both resumed your seated positions, a bottle of whiskey seated between you two.
You talked about how you first met. How you were dressed as a man, his brother flirting with you, him sinking his then nonmetal claws into you. How you’d run into each other, sometimes Victor being with him and sometimes him being alone.
You mentioned the times he saved you, and you him. You told him everything. Your first kiss, your first time together, everything.
You shared how every moment with him, you were never uncomfortable, even if Victor was there. How it felt natural whenever you were around him. You retold him about life leading up to meeting him. As well as informing him about what he told you about his life.
He wasn’t surprised to learn that he fought in WW1 or WW2 due to his healing factor and instinct to kill. You told him about how from what he told you, he and Victor enjoyed hunting people down and when they separated, he hunted dangerous mutants.
You told him of his real name, James. Of how different he was when Victor was around but you’d catch glimpses of your James. How he let his half brother call him a runt and lead a conversation or situation. You told him how similar yet different he’s become since you last saw him.
You pointed out how he’s more willing to put himself in harm's way to help others. More willing to start a fight in someone’s defense or do the right thing cause it’s the right thing rather than simply because he wanted to get bloody.
Surprisingly, he shared his own thoughts with you when you were finished. He shared how he felt the same way now as you did back then. Comfortable with you. Natural with you. As if every time he ran into you when you’re both at the school he felt that you were pulled to him or he to you.
Most importantly, he shared something James never did. That he has read the book Brave New World. That he too saw himself in the quote “if one’s different one’s bound to be lonely’. Cause that’s how he always felt since his memories have been lost.
He had a different mutation than the average mutant with healing and regeneration abilities. Sometimes he was more animal then human and he felt lonely knowing this - always opting to just accept it and be alone.
Until he met you that day in Charles' office.
He told you how he knew you were different the moment you stepped into the room based on your scent. And that when you showed him your claws, he was relieved to finally not feel so alone.
The night took a turn that you thought was for the worse but instead it turned into the best night of your life besides the one you and James first kissed.
From that moment on, something between the two of you changed. Suddenly, Logan was seeking you out more, as if getting everything off both of your chests allowed you to both truly be yourselves.
You weren’t complaining and did the same. If you felt like you needed Logan, you’d go to him rather than Storm like you did in the past. The two of you settled into a routine of eating dinner together, training together, picking on Scott together. (Though you picked on him less because of the loss of Jean)
The best thing that changed after that night, was that when you guys were alone, or you felt like no one was watching, either of you would steal a kiss. The kisses ranged from the cheek, forehead, peck on the lips. Sometimes a hug slightly longer than necessary, a quick squeeze of the hand. Anything for the two of you to get closer to the other.
To you, it felt like having James back. It felt like you finally got to have the moments you missed out on when he disappeared.
You were happy. So happy. Your heart was no longer broken and you were quickly giving it away to Logan again. This time, you weren’t scared to give away.
So, for many years, the two of you progressed your stolen moments to blatantly obvious ones. You stayed by each other's sides when a cure was found both making the decision to not take it.
You fought alongside the other X-men to finally take down Magneto, giving him the cure and sadly killing Jean when she came back as the Phoenix.
You both decided to leave the school. Too much has happened since arriving and you needed to get away. The school was in good hands with Storm as headmistress and you decided that time away was needed.
So you packed up, for once leaving your personal library, giving it as a donation to the English classroom. Besides, with Logan, you weren’t alone anymore.
You settled in Canada. A small, isolated cabin for just the two of you. You and Logan took to a small, hermit lifestyle where your days consisted of chopping wood, hunting food, and making love.
Your relationship grew and you found yourself never straying too far from Logan or he from you. The two of you settled into a pack of two, living in peace and with no change. Your nights consisted of reading and drinking whiskey, sharing something one of you found interesting in a book or saw during the day.
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You're seated at a desk, typing away on a computer. Since settling down with Logan, the two of you picked up new hobbies and habits - something those with a long lifespan have the ability to do.
While you teased Logan for his hobby of sculpting wood, using his past skills as lumberjack, he never teased you for yours. You decided to write a book. With your love for reading and literature, and all the time on your hands, it was an easy decision.
“How's this chapter going?” Logan asks, his hands coming to settle on top of your shoulders.
You lean back in your chair, moving your head to rest it on his arm.
“Eh, not sure if I like the pace of it. Seems too slow for what I wanted.” You state, pressing a kiss to his forearm.
Logan huffs at that response, you're always your own worst critic.
“Maybe I can give you something fast paced?” Logan quips.
You look up at him to see his eyebrow raised, a smirk on his lips. You shake your head. Always one thought on this man’s mind.
Not that you’re complaining.
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The past few weeks have been different. Suddenly, Logan doesn’t go out as often. He seems to never leave your side. If you’re at your desk typing away, he’s on the couch smoking a cigar.
If you're in the shower, he's in the bedroom “tightying up”. If you want to go out to the store, he’s the one driving before you could even reach for the keys.
After four or five weeks of this, you bring it to his attention. You love him dearly, but him being constantly by your side was getting to be a little too much.
Turns out, he didn’t even realize he was doing it. He said he just felt that he needed to be close to you and make sure you always had what you needed.
By week six though, you felt like something was going on. Not with him. But you. You got sick. The thought of food made you vomit. Eggs, bacon, steak, anything you would usually consume now made you queasy at the thought.
Then you noticed your breasts starting getting tender. You were sleeping a lot more than normal. And for some reason, you wanted nothing more than ice cream.
When the thought clicked in your head, you panicked. You never thought or expected this to happen. You didn’t know how Logan would react let alone how you guys would manage.
The world has always been shit for mutants but lately has been getting worse with propaganda. With hate.
So you sneaked out one day when Logan was out hunting. Finally having a moment without him breathing down your neck.
When you finally came back into the bathroom, you stared at the little stick with dread.
Two little lines were shown.
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You’re sitting on the couch, having had an episode in the shower. After seeing the proof itself, you proceeded to sit in the shower and cry a little. Maybe produce some muffled screams. Maybe debated on destroying the bathroom.
You and Logan never discussed having kids. Ever. Sure, Victor would make comments about the two of you having runts, or litters. But you and him never acknowledged it. Now with Logan missing his memories, it was definitely something that was never discussed.
Yes, he’s good with kids. You’ve seen how protective he can be at the school. How he would answer their questions, and be concerned if they got injured.
But he never mentioned wanting kids. Never voiced his want to be a father. Especially since you know the history of his true father - you weren't even sure it was something he ever even thought about.
So, your bathroom didn’t end up destroyed but you quickly came to terms with the results. You enjoyed teaching kids. You enjoyed watching them grow and learn. You enjoyed hearing the kids laughter when they played back at the school and when their eyes lit up in wonder.
Your thoughts drifted to what happened to you. To the fact that you thought this would never happen. That you never would even have this option.
That is why you’re currently sitting on the couch, the test in hand. Logan would be able to tell something is wrong the moment he returned home. He would be able to tell by just looking at you, or hearing your racing heartbeat.
You decided to tell him and to go from there. To see his reaction and determine what you would do next.
You hear the front door open and turn to see Logan enter your home. You smell a slight tinge of blood, probably from his hunt, but can tell he tried his best to clean himself, knowing how you haven’t been feeling well.
“Been waitin’ for me sweetheart?" Logan asks as he makes his way to the liquor cabinet, no doubt to pour himself a glass of whiskey.
‘You have no idea’. You think to yourself.
You don’t respond. Instead, you rise from the couch an make your way towards him. He hears you approach him and watch as he grabs another glass, pouring you one and placing it in front of you.
“How’d the chapter go today?” he asks, bringing the glass to his mouth.
“Good,” you state, a smile coming to your face as you take him in.
You watch as his brown eyes close while he takes the drink back. How his Adam's apple bobs as he swallows. The mustache part of his beard collecting some of the liquor.
You wonder what your child would look like. If they’ll have his brown eyes or your E/C. His thick brown hair or your H/C. If they’ll inherit his prominent cheek bones and lips or yours. You wonder if they’ll be a mutant - having either of your feral sides or something of their own entirely.
Would they say mommy or daddy first? Who would they come to when they got hurt and who would they come to if they wanted something. You wonder if your child would enjoy running in the woods or reading. If they’d enjoy nap time or put up a fuss.
“Y/N”. Logan says, pulling out of your thoughts.
You shake your head to clear them and look up at him, a smile back on his face. “Sorry, what?”
Logan cocks his head to the side, his eyebrows furrowing in concern.
“You okay?” He asks, setting the drink down and reaching for your hand.
You grab his hand back, squeezing it tightly. You honestly think that if he didn’t have healing and a high pain tolerance, he’d be wincing with how hard you’re squeezing.
“What’s goin’ on Bub?” He asks, taking a step closer. “Your heart is beating outta you chest.”
You look up into his eyes, seeing the swirl of different shades of brown. You decide then you hope the child has his eyes.
You take a shaky breath and finally manage to get the words out. The ones you haven’t even said to yourself.
“I’m pregnant.” You state, continuing to stare into his eyes.
You watch as his entire body stiffens up, his eyes widening. His grip on your hand doesn’t loosen, doesn’t tighten. But he just remains standing there, no muscle moving and seemingly no breath coming in or out.
You don’t push him. You don’t say anything. You just stand there with him still holding your hand. You had time to process. Now it’s his turn.
“Pregnant.” Logan states after a few minutes of silence.
You don’t verbally respond but nod. You’re not sure how he is going to take the news so decide to stay silent.
It’s his turn now to take a deep breath, watching as the muscles begin to relax and the tension leaves his shoulders.
Too fast for you to notice, your body is picked up off the floor and your ass is pressed on top of the counter. His lips are immediately on yours, the faint taste of whiskey present on them. You respond to the kiss, your lips moving with his.
Your legs wrap around his waist, pulling him so close you can feel his heart racing against yours. His lips suck and nip, your breath quickly being lost as he wont let you up for air. He finally does pull away, allowing you to catch your breath as his mouth trails over your cheek, down your jaw, and to your neck.
You feel his hands moving up and down your back, he too trying to pull you as close as possible. Your own are on the small of his back, refusing to let him move. A moan is let out as he hits that sweet spot and you buck up against him, trying to soothe your throbbing core.
His lips find your mouth again and this time his tongue enters, playing with yours. The kiss is rushed yet feels slow. As if time has stopped around you but everything happening, is happening fast. You drink each other in, consuming the other as you continue to buck against him, feeling his hardened member against where you want it most.
Too soon he pulls away again, this time his mouth not attaching elsewhere but rather to press his forehead against your own.
Everything around you is silent. There's only the sound of both your rushing hearts and heavy breathing. Both your eyes are closed as you just breathe each other, this moment, in.
“So, you’re happy with this?” you meekly ask, needing to hear the confirmation.
Logan lets out a chuckle, your eyes meeting with foreheads still resting together. You feel his hands slide down your back, to the sides of your hips and come to stop on your stomach.
“More than happy.” Logan says, smile wide on his face and you cannot help but do the same.
At this moment all your fears for your child disappear. For in this moment, you know that whether they are a boy or girl, they’ll be loved, cherished, and protected by both their parents.
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If you had to guess, you’re now 8 weeks along and Logan has thankfully been less hovering since the news. The instinct in him wants to be with you, and your unborn child, but his logical side knows you're okay. He knows you can take care of yourself.
There have been subtle changes in him since the news. He startles awake in the middle of the night when you get up to use the bathroom. He declared himself the sole cook in the house, not wanting you to accidently burn yourself while cooking - despite your enhanced healing.
You’ve had changes yourself. Your breasts have been starting to become fuller, your bladder emptying more often than usual. You’re still nauseous with certain foods but have been able to discern which ones you can stomach.
The two of you are sitting at your table, eating the dinner Logan has made. For him a rare steak with a baked potato and salad - as you always tell him to eat his veggies. You get a well done steak with a side of tomato soup - two of the rare items you can eat.
A knock at the door has you both freezing. While you may make the occasional visit to town, no one knows where you live. Neither of you also sensed someone approaching.
Logan immediately sheaths his claws, rising from the table to make his way to the door. He slowly opens it to reveal an Asian woman. She appears to be 5’6 with long red hair and bangs covering her forehead.
You slowly raise yourself, your own claws now grown in preparation for a fight. You know Logan won’t want you to be involved, but you'll be damned if she tries to hurt him.
“Logan Howlett?” She questions, raising an eyebrow at the two of you.
“Who’s asking?” Logan follows up with, his voice gruff.
“Does the name Ichiro Yashida mean anything to you?” She asks, her demeanor now appearing calm and non threatening.
You watch as recognition seems to appear throughout Logan’s body. You watch as he sheaths his claws and you follow his lead with retracting your own.
You’re not sure if this is going to be good.
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Turns out, it wasn’t necessarily bad but Logan made the decision to go to Japan. He informs you he has recalled some memories at times when dreaming and Yashida was a name he remembered.
He once saved the man in 1945 during the bombing of Nagasaki. The woman at the door, Yukio, was his adopted daughter. She is a mutant herself and was able to track Logan down, informing him that her father is dying of cancer and tasked her with tracking Logan down at his request to see him.
You and Logan discussed him traveling to Japan, you pushing him to go. Not only is this an opportunity for him to learn more about his lost memories, but you secretly would like to have a few days alone.
You love Logan. You love the life you’ve built and how attentive he has become since finding out you’re pregnant. But you could use space to breathe.
So, you said goodbye to him. Reminding him countless times that you would be okay without him. That a few days alone would not be the end of the world.
If anything they were peaceful. You’ve been able to read the new books you’ve been wanting to read. To take a long hot bath without Logan easily swaying you to let him join. You’ve been able to write more chapters in your book.
This leads you to now, cooking dinner while listening to some light music. Your nausea has finally subsided and you’ve been craving a greasy burger with french fries.
You’ve had a few cramps this morning, chalking them off to the baby moving around and getting comfortable. The pain was minimal, similar to period cramps or that of a stomach ache.
So far you’ve had some cramp throughout the weeks since finding out. Pregnancy, you’ve learned, is full of aches and unfamiliar sensations.
Standing at the stove, you turn off the burner with the patty ready. You load it onto the bun, the fries all ready halfway gone, having been picked at while the beef cooked.
Plate in hand, you make your way to the table, ready to dig in. You made a chocolate cake with chocolate mousse frosting and are excited to devour it once you’re done with your meal.
You take another step towards the table but the pain intensifies. You stop, the plate falling from your hand and crashing to the floor - food now destroyed. The pain is sharp, feeling as you have in the past from another mutant stabbing you.
You wait for the cramp to ease but instead, feel something warm. You freeze in dread, immediately rushing to the bathroom. You turn the light on and your whole body freezes, the site in the mirror leaving you in shock.
Your hand travels down between your legs where a warm, red liquid has coated your gray shorts.
“No.” you state, voice breaking at the site.
You lean forward hands gripping the counter as more pain travels throughout your abdomen. The counter cracks beneath your strength, streaks tearing throughout its once strong foundation.
You cry out, the pain becoming too much as you fall to the floor. You end up on your side, more whimpers and cries coming out of your mouth as you’re now in the fetal position.
That’s how long you’ve had your baby.
5 weeks of knowing. Of planning in your mind and with Logan of the future.
5 weeks of thinking how your baby would look.
Of wondering which parent they would take after.
You’ll never get to see them take their first step. Or say their first word. You’ll never hear them laugh. You’ll never tuck them in at night or read them a bedtime story.
All thoughts of your future are gone.
You pull yourself up into a kneeling position, reaching into the shower to turn it on. Without shedding your clothes, you climb into the tub, letting the water cover you.
You watch as the water draining is pink, mixing with what once was.
A sob escapes your mouth, tears rushing down your cheeks as you watch what once was is no more.
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You’re curled up in bed when you hear the front door open. You don’t move. You continue staring out the window, watching the rain paint it.
The scent of Logan returns to you, a moment of comfort finally passing you during this time. You’re grateful he has returned. That you are no longer alone.
“What happened to the bathroom?” Logan’s voice sounds throughout the room.
You slowly turn to your other side to see him, the ache in your heart finally lessening for the first time in two days.
He looks tired. There are bags under his eyes and slight frown on his face. His hair is for once not styled its usual way. Instead, there appears to be more tufts, each going into its own direction.
“Hey,” Logan says, immediately rushing over. He takes a seat on the edge, reaching over to brush your hair out of your face. “What’s wrong?”
You sniffle slightly, tears welling in your eyes. “The baby is gone.”
Logan’s hand freezes on your cheek, his eyes widening in response. He watches as more tears fall from your eyes as a sob escapes you.
“Hey, hey, hey,” Logan says and you watch as he lays down on the bed next to you.
He wraps an arm around your shoulder, bringing your body closer to his. Your head rests in the crook of his neck and feel as he entangles his legs with yours.
More cries escape your body as you finally don’t feel alone. His hand travels up and down your back, rubbing it as the sobs continue. Your own hands travel to his shirt, gripping it tightly as you inhale his scent. Smokey, whiskey, and something that is always there as just Logan.
“Ah Sweetheart,” Logan says as you feel him press a kiss to your head.
He doesn’t offer any other words. He just holds you as you continue to grieve. You soon scent something you’ve never before and pull away from Logan’s neck to see tears falling from your eyes. You’re heart breaks even more, knowing that he too is experiencing this loss.
“I’m sorry,” you say softly, voice still choked with tears.
“Whaty are you sorry for?” He questions, eyebrows furrowing in confusion as tears continue to fall slowly from his face.
“For losing the baby,” you sniff.
“No, no, no,” Logan says back, both hands coming up to cup your face. “It is not your fault, okay? You did not do anything to cause this.” he tells you.
“But what if it’s because of what happened, or what they did to me?” You voice your concerns.
It’s a thought you’ve been having. That the experiments caused this. That the harm previously done to your body is the reason for your loss. That Jean was right all those years ago and you will never have a child.
“Don’t think like that.” he says, thumbs rubbing your cheeks. “Nothing could have caused this. Okay? Sometimes things like this just happen. No one is to blame. This is not your fault.”
You don’t respond but look into Logan’s eyes. You see nothing but sincerity. You see nothing but love.
You nod, moving your head back into the crook of his neck and feel his hands go back to rubbing up and down your body.
You inhale his scent again, closing your eyes at the comfort.
“How was Japan?" you question, wanting to change the subject, if just for a moment.
“Shit.” Logan says, tightly his hold on you. “Whole thing was a set up but Yukio didn’t know. Lost my healing for a little, lost my adamantium claws. Yashida wanted my healing factor.”
“Jesus Christ Logan.” You state, your hands travelling under his shirt to feel his heart, grateful it is still beating.
New tears form in your eyes at the thought of what he went through. Another thing he had to do alone and you weren’t there to have his back.
“I’m okay,” Logan states, bringing his head down to press his forehead against yours. “And we’ll be okay.”
He brings his lips down, pressing them to yours. They’re warm against your own and you feel the warmth spread against your body.
You know at that moment, as long as Logan is there, everything will be okay.
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