i-will-write-this-later

Just a blog for some poetry I write

[i-will-write-this-later]

Inspiration and Obstacle - 6

If my mother was a bitch

I would be her young pup

trailing along after her

yapping at her heels

-

I follow here

always a step behind

waiting for the day

I outgrow her shadow

-

I bite and bark

just like she does

but I lack her skill

and her restrain

-

My bark hurts her ears

My bites nip her ankles

and when she whines out

I want to kill this part of myself

-

My mother is a bitch

but I have grown

Now when she bites at me

I long to bare my teeth in return

-

When I bite back

blood tastes of pain

tears speak of betrayal

we limp away from each other

-

There is an air of tension

whenever we speak

always on edge

wary of another attack

-

I know my mother is a bitch

as I am my mothers daughter

My mother is a bitch

And I know I am one too

-

3/10/21

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Inspiration and Obstacle - 5

I have done what I can

to raise you

into the woman

I know you can be

-

Of course I pushed you

I know your potential

I would not see it wasted

I want the best for you

-

Why would you fight against it

I have lived these years

Let me guide you

To not make my mistakes 

-

So what if we fight

Between a mother and daughter

Conflict is unavoidable

You are just at that age

-

So trust me

I will give you what I can

When I am still here

When you are still with me

-

Forgive me

If I don’t trust you

You are still so young

So naïve

-

You are leaving

I am sad to see you go

but it is time

We are better on our own

-

3/10/21

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Inspiration and Obstacle - 4

The four of us stand in the yard

sidewalk crumbling around us

dogs weaving between our legs

wanting to be a part of the photo

on our last first day

-

My brother will be a senior

his smile half gone

sick of a moms enthusiasm

jaded with time

tired of the monotony in life

-

If I were to take a photo

hundreds of miles away

with a different yard

a different home

where we first grew up

-

Would he be happier

having never moved

smiling like he did

when we were kids

when I looked up to him

-

Or would only the scenery change

as time steals our youth

Would we walk different path

just to end at the same conclusion

and inevitable end

-

3/9/21

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Inspiration and Obstacle - 3

You are so young

looking back

there are no crows feet

no frown lines

in sight

-

At the sight

of your crying child

you still look in love

enamored by a toddler

crying out at sitting still

-

I want to know

what time has done

what we have done

what has been stolen

for that to change

-

No longer to you look

lovingly upon tears and screams

now in contempt

sick of our emotions

out of patience to give

-

What did we do?

Did we get too old?

Did we cry too much?

Have we used up all of your patience

on days we cannot remember?

-

Or does this photo

only reflect my longing

for affection

that was always scarce

for a time

that never was

-

3/9/21

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Inspiration and Obstacle - 2

I may have moved away

left the house

took the car

said goodbye

But you are still with me

-

My lips taste of home

as your gifts take shape

dishes on the stove

casserole in the oven

You are still with me

-

The smell of your cooking

perfumes the air around me

childhood dinners

recreated

Still with me

-

One day

it will be my gift to give

we will linger in the air

giving life

We will be with them

-

3/8/21

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Inspiration and Obstacle - 1

You never give up

and I love that I have 

liquid determination

flowing through my veins

-

I hate that we

cannot compromise our views

how our fights extend years

we will not give up

-

I love that I have your strength

I will not yield

I will not bend

I will always be back

-

I hate how our strength

has formed from necessity

how we build it the same

in defense of our mothers anger

-

I hate your anger

that I can be scared

from just and emotion

as it grows stronger within me

-

I hope to transform it

more than you

into the passion - the fire

which makes you recognizable

-

For my faults

I blame you

But for my gifts

I owe you praise

-

3/8/21

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Images - Reflection

This set of poems was focused more on the sensory. Not sure how well I executed it, but I made more of an effort to create a world and the sensations that come with it. I noticed that I wanted to include more of it when writing other things, and I’m excited to continue to incorporate imagery and improve what I’m doing right now.

3/7/21

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Images - 7

No one is looking at the camera

but that's to bee expected

it was hard enough to get dogs

to sit still  for a photo

-

the wind blows sweet summer air

warmed by the sun

it moves through the trees

as though nature is beckoning 

-

the dogs run

answering the call

they are followed by yells as

a mother continues to take pictures

not allowing her children to follow

-

3/5/21

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Images - 6

To caress a lovers face

so tender and gentle

stare into their eyes

see your love reflected back

-

It is horribly distorted

when a caress is what is

holding his face together

as his blood warms your hands

-

To kneel over him

beg him to return

only to be met with an empty stare

a shell of a face

-

Your hands are cold

thick in blood and tears

part of you is gone

left with the remains of a lover

-

3/5/21

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Images - 5

Smoke -

Burning ash rises up

forming shadows with the morning sun

I am filled with peace

wrapped in a blanket of smoke

hypnotized by the glow of coals

diminishing with the night

but soot leaves its kiss on my skin

lingering in my mind

-

Skunk - 

I am woken up again as

skunk fills the halls of my home

the whimper of dogs in the yard

inform me of their impending baths

the smell still lingers

caught by 

the floor 

the chairs

the fabric 

the air itself

before it can be washed down the drain

-

Rain - 

Moisture hangs in the air

it clings to skin and clothes

leaving every surface damp

The smell of the earth

of dirt and trees and grass

finds its way through the open windows

accompanies by the quiet sounds

of the forest emerging after a storm

-

3/4/21

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Images - 4

It is dark when I get home

but the crunch of the gravel

under every foot

alerts the dogs before I enter

The tap of nails against

the halls as they run

the door as they jump

inform me of discovery

Their barks resonate

the low growl before they smell

the yaps of excitement after

let the house know that I have returned

The hum of oncoming lights

hidden only by the scrape of the hinges

the thud of paws around me

the impact of dogs jumping for attention

So I am startled

when arms wrap around me

and I hear her say

Good to have you home

3/5/21

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Images - 3

Staring into my closet

I am faced with old friends

my shoes tha have

carried me through a lifetime

My converse are old

the souls worn thin and smooth

dirt and dust filling

the skeleton that is left

My running shoes are used

feet waring it into a husk

falling apart, fading

my socks glimpsing into the world

My sandals are broken

wounded with punctures

inflicted by the teeth of dogs

held together by glue and hope

I reach for a pair

I cannot let them go

I will not let them rest

as they fade out of this world

3/5/21

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Images - 2

Before I stand

I have to calm down

adrenaline shaking my limbs

the fear of falling persist

through my bruised limbs

my aching body

the path is obstructed

by the glare of the sun

I have direction only from the feel

of fabric under my feet

calm down 

relax

because with every shake

the ground looms under me

I tense

shake

relax again

continue to walk

arms aching from balancing at my sides

feet stinging from the impact of the ground

skin blistering under the heat of midday sun

so this is what I find fun

3/7/21

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Images - 1

The creek is loud at night

mixing of ice and water

filling my ears

driving out the nothingness

removing me from

the alone of my room

Oppressive darkness

filling every plane around me

chased away by

pale light of the moon

interwoven with reflection off the water

embracing me in its glow

3/4/21

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Writing and Knowing - Reflection

So all of these poems came from the "Ideas for Writing" section of a Poet's Companion. A lot of the poems coming will draw from similar inspiration.

When writing these, there was almost a liberating feeling. I was given topics to write about and explore with just my thoughts - very different from my usual style of crying and using poetry to vent.

While I wouldn't try to publish most of these, the actual exercises were nice and I feel better able to explore ideas without having a breakdown about it. Even typing it out here (not something I intended to do) allowed for some revision of work and reflection of my style.

So this was fun, I think I'll keep doing it.

3/4/21

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Writing and Knowing - 7

Breathe.

and steady your nerves

if you shake too much

you'll fall

Balance on a line

raise yourself

above the grass and trees

above the people around you

Fly through the air

with the wind in your hair

see the work rush past

and fall off your perch

Dangling from a line

hundreds of feet in the air

Breathe.

and try again

3/4/21

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Writing and Knowing - 6

When will we matter?

Today I know

I have people that care

people that will mourn

Beyond the present

is more tricky

as time is unyielding

marching knowledge into oblivion

There will be a time

when my body

has decayed

when I am remembered

but do not matter

Remembrance and history

such lofty goals that

we will neve live to see

so I will not try

I will matter now

touch the lives of

surrounding companions

we matter to

each other to

ourselves

that is what we must

Remember

3/4/21