Esse Quam Videri

Life is a series of choices. Endure. Enjoy.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“You must tell yourself, ‘No matter how hard it is, or gets, I am going to make it.’”

— Les Brown

[iamchoclairs]

Hi.

[danielle-gets-fit-deactivated20]

I have stretch marks.

Reblog if you do too. Just to prove that it is more normal than what people actually think.

[iamchoclairs]

You’re a fuckin’ liar and i hate you so much!

[iamchoclairs]

Yung hindi pinili, masakit. Sobra.

[iamchoclairs]

So after a loooong hiatus, I’m here again Tumblr. When i have no one to talk to, i come here to write. Express my thoughts and feelings. Kase wala naman ako makausap sa bahay about my situation. No one knows what I’m going thru, yung totoong nangyari. Not even my parents know about it and sobrang nakaka guilty shempre pero hindi ko kayang sabihin e. Takot ako. Ma judge. Kahit parents ko sila. Ayoko din masaktan sila. Especially my father. Maybe when A is old enough, I’ll tell her the truth.

Ang dami daming nangyari the past months and hanggang ngayon, ganun pa rin. Struggling pa rin our family. Lord, kelan ba matatapos? Pagod na ko sa totoo lang pero hindi ako susuko. Hindi pwede eh. I have no choice but to fight and go on with life. Lalo na ngayon i have A in my life na. The more i need to be strong. Mahirap maging solong ina pero para sa anak, kakayanin. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[iamchoclairs]

Dear you,

I don’t know exactly what to say to you or how. All i know is that I’ve been thinking of you eversince the day we met again after 11 mos. Funny how fate played on us, or maybe i was really meant to become a mother. Or are we meant for each other too? Could we possibly try somehow? Do you still like me? Are you considering on settling down with us? You, our baby and i? I have a lot of questions in my mind which i do not have the courage to ask. Pride.

When i told you i missed you, I wasn’t really hoping for “i missed you too” reply, or maybe i am but all you said was “missed y’all”. Atleast you replied tho. Why do we have to be this complicated when we already have a beautiful doll? (To me, we’re complicated) Do you ever think of me too? Did you really mean what you said to me before? Why can’t we just be together?

I already told myself and asked God that if i would choose to love again, i want it to be you. Because you’re A’s father, and i want her to grow up with a complete family. I can accept you, I will accept you. Whatever your pasts, no matter how many girls you slept with (i may sound desperate here) but i wanna do it for our daughter. I can do it for her. I guess this is not all about me anymore.

I miss you P. I wanna hold your hands again, hug you and kiss you.

Can we try?

[iamchoclairs]

Nakakatawa reading this again. HAHAHA

Parang nag iba na ihip ng hangin kase badtrip ako sa kanya. I hate him. Kala ko nawala na since A came pero hindi pala. Galit pa rin ako. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷‍♀️

[iamchoclairs]

Soo we met today. Finally nakita ko ulit sya after a week or so. Don’t know if i was happy to see him, maybe. Or maybe not. Atleast i see him again. Kahit pa I’m not the reason of his visit. Okay lang, for our baby.

Ang hirap kase mag open ng convo. Bukod sa english e ang bilis pa magsalita. Lol. Minsan para kong tanga, i look stupid by not answering kase diko naintindihan haha. Diko naintindihan kase he talks so fast or talagang sabaw ako haha.There was a lot of dead air and some asaran. I hate that he keeps saying that I’m panget, like duh? Mas maganda pa nga ko sa Ex nya, i mean she’s not even pretty to begin with. Lol. Panget daw, kaya pala hindi nya ko maresist. 😆✌🏻

But seriously, it was good seeing him again. Ang hirap. He’ll be forever in my life na kase he’s the father of my child. Pft.

Should i move on na or try ko pa din?

[iamchoclairs]

Dear you,

I don’t know exactly what to say to you or how. All i know is that I’ve been thinking of you eversince the day we met again after 11 mos. Funny how fate played on us, or maybe i was really meant to become a mother. Or are we meant for each other too? Could we possibly try somehow? Do you still like me? Are you considering on settling down with us? You, our baby and i? I have a lot of questions in my mind which i do not have the courage to ask. Pride.

When i told you i missed you, I wasn’t really hoping for “i missed you too” reply, or maybe i am but all you said was “missed y’all”. Atleast you replied tho. Why do we have to be this complicated when we already have a beautiful doll? (To me, we’re complicated) Do you ever think of me too? Did you really mean what you said to me before? Why can’t we just be together?

I already told myself and asked God that if i would choose to love again, i want it to be you. Because you’re A’s father, and i want her to grow up with a complete family. I can accept you, I will accept you. Whatever your pasts, no matter how many girls you slept with (i may sound desperate here) but i wanna do it for our daughter. I can do it for her. I guess this is not all about me anymore.

I miss you P. I wanna hold your hands again, hug you and kiss you.

Can we try?

[iamchoclairs]

Sana sya na lang. Sana kami na lang.

[iamchoclairs]

Hindi ko alam kung pano ko to kinakaya.

[iamchoclairs]

Y do i need to be alone in a situation where you have to be with someone? Why?

[mingdliu-deactivated20210422]

I am no longer writing about the painful, heartbreaking 3AMs that used to keep the ink spilling at night. I have found someone who comforts me in my nightmares, someone who kisses me goodbye every morning and holds me until I fall asleep every night. I have found myself not just content, but happy and excited with this life I have and with the person I have become.

I am no longer overwhelmed and consumed by the sadness that was once, almost comforting and was a lover when I was lonely. I stopped chasing past heartbreaks and being wavered by their earthquakes. I don’t have those kinds of words to share anymore; and although I am disappointed that I have run out of some things to say, I am also relieved that I no longer have to write them.

[mingdliu-deactivated20210422]

“You still smell the same.” “As do you,” I reply without hesitation, “and I hate it.” But secretly, that was my favorite smell in the world except for the fact that it reminded me of you when you’re gone. You make the past so much harder to visit. You hear me, but you don’t listen. You still stare, but you don’t see. And yet, I still miss you all the same.

Ming D. Liu (via mingdliu)

[mingdliu-deactivated20210422]

Maybe one day, he will wake up and realize that he made the wrong choice; or maybe one day he will wake up and know that it was the right one. And then one day, you will wake up and believe it too.

Ming D. Liu (via mingdliu)

[iamchoclairs]

I don’t really care!

Sa totoo lang, wala naman talaga kong pakialam if he wants to get involved or not. Kahit hindi, okay lang. It won’t change a thing. Wala. Akong. Pake.

[iamchoclairs]

I hate all of you! 😣