iameamsoranin

• stars 🌟 • writer ✒ • LGBT ⚧ • seafood 🦀 🐙 • • poet 📃 • painter 🎨 • dreamer 🛌 • Virgo ♍• • God's princess 🕆• PH •

[iameamsoranin]

It's been a while...

It's been 5 months since I came back from Saudi. Decisions were made in a snap as I have tried avoiding complication as much as possible.

Here I am, still at lost. What on earth am I doing wrong? Why can't I be in the position where I want to be? Why do I feel like I have always been in limbo?

Give me a sign Lord, please? Where exactly you want me to be? What exactly you want me to be in?

Should I just stay here again in the Philippines, or should I just go back abroad? Help me, Lord.

[iameamsoranin]

A Week Without You

Things didn't end well between us. My work has ALWAYS got in the way. Seems like whenever I get something figured out, something else happens.

It has been a terrible and difficult week and TBH, it has not been nice sleeping without you next to me. No matter how much I try to get myself to have a goodnight sleep it just don't work. Feels like something is missing and yeah, there is something missing. YOU.

I know you are doing better without me, good for you. In a few days, I will be turning 36. I won't be celebrating birthdays with you anymore. I'll be on my own. Such a waste because I will just be burning my ticket going to your hometown. Won't be coming there anymore. I have no reason to do so.

So probably this is saying goodbye to you, to US.

I love you but I know it wasn't enough. Sorry for all the things I've done that have caused you pain. I wish you well.

[iameamsoranin]

It's my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[iameamsoranin]

I love Lizzy (2023).

"You don't understand now what I am doing, but you will understand later.” -John 13:7

To my own "Father Jeff" CSCA, I truthfully didn't understand the sacrifice you made back in 2013 until 7 years later. Thank you for protecting me though it means losing "US". Though it cause me 7 years of my life to regain myself, I am still greatful. I am joyful you found your real home.

[iameamsoranin]

Angels like you 🎶

[iameamsoranin]

Too comfortable that I will not let you go?

You know the feeling of not wanting to let go yet not happy anymore to stay? Torn between I’ve known you for so long to the extent that I don’t want to get to know someone else but too tired of hearing the same excuses every single time things are not well.

I am just too exhausted feeling that I am the only one making things work so we will be comfortable enough and not worrying that not so good things might happen and we are not ready for it.

Does wanting to be comfortable and not worry of what to pay the bills, food to put on the table, any emergencies, being able to take the family on vacation or just a simple treat.

[iameamsoranin]

Matcha Latte 😁 https://www.instagram.com/p/CrOsyBeqV0nuLSBDdj1zHE7UvBYWAcCN-m5_t40/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[iameamsoranin]

Lasagna ❤️ https://www.instagram.com/p/CrEoa5AKw2vWLblfu3_qGA_qDwEifkte6Vb3rU0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[iameamsoranin]

Famous bowl ala KFC ❤️ https://www.instagram.com/p/CrDogU6KcTw9YHGRs4LfBTfLwwkdBGdMghkTZE0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[iameamsoranin]

I am still rooting for you :)

Remember the place I want to take you with me? Glad I am doing it, though without you. Still praying for your happiness my forkeeps. I am always rooting for you:)

[iameamsoranin]

Sometimes, all we need is one opportunity to rise up again from being fallen. It doesn't matter who still believes in you as long as you still believe in yourself that you can, that you are not a definition of what made you fall nor what that shortcoming of yours maybe.

You deserve another chance to get yourself together, stronger that who you were. You don't owe anyone an explanation, not a single soul. Let them believe what they want to believe of who you are until your success shatter them.

-Sunrise are new beginnings. (iameamsoranin, Riyadh, KSA 2022)

[iameamsoranin]

Yun maloloka ka na lang talaga sa kanila. May pasok pero kung magpatulog takte parang walang klase at di gigising ng ala sais! Kaimbyerna! Lord pauwii ko na ako ng Pinas!

[iameamsoranin]

They say, don't let people or situation turn your heart to stone.

I couldn't stop it.

Ang hirap maging matatag sa situation or sa mundong pilit ka sinasaktan. Nagpapakamanhid na lang pero ang totoo, walang naging totoo sayo. Bilang sa daliri ang mga taong alam kong totoo. Bilang sa daliri ang mga tao alam kong mahal ako. Ayaw ko naman maging matigas eh, pero sa bawat pagkakataon na pinapakita ko yun soft side ko, nasasaktan ako. Ang hirap. Ang hirap bumangon araw araw na okay lang pakiramdam. Kaso ang totoo, hindi. Pagod na ako. Pagod na ako na pilit ako babangon kasi oras na ng trabaho ko. Pagod na ako na magpasensya sa mga tao na alam ko naman sinasaksak ako pag nakatalikod ako. Pagod na ako na magsabi na okay lang, sige lang kasi di ganun eh. I am tired of uncertainties and honestly, I don't know if I am just tored of the situation I am in or I am tired of life itself.

Minsan nagtatanong ako, bakit yun mga taong dumaan sa buhay ko, parang okay na sila. Na kahit nakasakit sila, okay sila. Paano ba magpatawad? Paano ba sabihin na okay na kasi okag na talaga?

Ang hirap naman.

[iameamsoranin]

Unti unti lumalakad palayo

Unti unti sinusubukan na lumayo

Ramdam ang hapdi ng bawat hakbang ko

Dama ang lalim ng sugat ng pagkawalay sayo

Nais ibalik ang kahapon

Gusto ko ibalik ang meron noon

Ngunit sa bawat hakbang na papalit sayo

Ikaw naman ang patuloy sakin tumatalikod

Hindi na ba mahal?

Di na ba sapat ang nararamdaman?

Mas nais mo ba na tapusin na lahat?

Hindi na ba pwede na muli ay ilaban pa?

Patuloy hinihigpitan ang hawak

Ngunit ang sugat ay lalong lumalalim

Mashado na masakit

Dapat ba na ako na ay bumitiw?

Inisip ko ng paulit ulit

Mga salita na iyong sinambit

"Hayaan mo ako" mga salita na sakit ay sumugat muli

Doon alam ko, wala na ang binuong tayo

[iameamsoranin]

Welcome back to me! Been a while my rant place.

Feel so broken inside yet need to keep everything whole, well at least in place.

[iameamsoranin]

Pain will eventually heal. In His time. Missing you bes, @theangelinabarillo ❤ https://www.instagram.com/p/CHk6p1ynD5Ymr4XOOXSHXgJbxJEHs_yMQpREhg0/?igshid=e9ynl9mu8ocj

[iameamsoranin]

Hi bes, I am greatful for the friendship, greatful that we are bestfriends and I will be forever greatful to have had you in my life. You may have left us early but you will never be forgotten, bes. You will forver be missed ❤ I love you https://www.instagram.com/p/CHfR9mSjQOeAi8eKp3ws2wUsbUO4yEU6B7JTZM0/?igshid=qd8k8ynp2t6u