Words I've Written

This is my poetry and little "doodle" writings.

[iamfortyseven]

As My Hand Slipped Away

We're sitting face to face, and no words come to play. You open you mouth but then nothing comes out, so you close it. We're avoiding eye contact because we both know where this is leading. No one wants to be the first to say it, so I guess I'll be leaving. I'm getting impatient so I get up, and as I do so you shout, "Wait!" You shout it in that soft tone I once loved, I glance outside, it's getting late. I stop and sit back down and look you in the eye, "What is it?" You reach for my hand to hold  just like always. But not this time. You looked confused as my hand slipped away. "Do you really just want to end it and just leave like this?" You've been drinking. I can smell the alcohol dancing on your breath, & your words are slurred. How dare you be the one to run to a bottle of death. I hear the nervousness in your voice, but at this point, Do I even care? You played on my heart, and torn it to pieces. Only worrying about your share. Were you even thinking about me when you did what you did? Or was I not even a minuscule thought on your mine, God forbid! You don't love me, at least, not like you say you do. Because if you do, you wouldn't have made me into a fool. I should be the one drunk off of Gin, instead I am drunk in love with you. Because I was taken for an ass, but I rise because I am above...you. I take another glance outside before giving you my reply. As I am looking, I see the swing set we used to play on nearby. We weren't exactly kids, we were both 19, sharing secrets and laughing. That's where we first said I love you. Thinking about it I realize I am smiling. It's sad that all this love has been for nothing, going down, this is the end. I turn back around, your waiting, staring at me, and I get angry again. I open my mouth to speak, "Do you really want me to answer that question?" Your eyes grew wide and  then lowered. You swear you learned your lesson. "Why do you have to answer everything with a question? " You asks. You are  fickleing with your fingers, you are a wired mess. I wonder if you are really sorry, but you caused all this stress. I get up again and just stared at you, thinking back and then sighed. I walked over toward you, I whispered I forgive you and hugged you goodbye. You held on to my hand, oh how that made me feel in my heart. Love, anger, sadness. Should I yell how I hate you but don't wish to part? I stop for only a moment and then began to walk my own way. And you knew I had to go, you realized it's too late, as my hand slipped away.

[iamfortyseven]

A Conversation With My Tears

If you were to have a conversation with my tears, they would tell you whats within the depths of my soul. They will exit through the passage way of my eyes, and they will let all of my secrets be known.

My tears will reveal my hurt, my pain, and my sorrow. They'll share my regrets, they'll say, "She wishes she never loved" They'll tell you how I've was happy once upon a time, and then they'll say, "But that was once, now she holds a grudge."

My tears have a pretty big mouth, so no topic will be untouched. They can gossip for hours, just giving all of my secrets out. Quick to run from my eyes, and into your ears. One talk with my tears, and yours will fight there way about.

[iamfortyseven]

The More I Fell

He is the shiniest moon I've ever seen. No matter how close he get, I just can’t reach. His smile, his laugh, forever kept in my mind. And his faith and love, no one could outshine.

How I yearn for his touch and his candy kisses, The more I try not to think about it, the more I miss him. I wonder if he knows, or can he tell? The more he smiled, the more I fell,

Into the hope of one day being his all. This I desire, one day he’ll fall. I’m sure he doesn’t know, the chances are slim. But my love is wide open, waiting to embrace him.

In the vast sky, he’s the brightest of the bright. The only one I see, my guide in the night. To lead me home, this is the path, I'm sure. No more denying, I want him more and more.

This feeling I’m feeling, does he feel it too? This burning desire that grew and grew. My smile, my laugh, is it embedded in his memory? Is there a special place in his heart just for me?

[iamfortyseven]

Still Love Poured

You want to stick needles in my eyes and call it love. Cut me open and watch the blood. Drip from my heart as it's being torn. Ripped apart and pricked by the thorns Of your tongue, sharp as any sword. Pierced my soul, but still love poured.

Your mouth, slick, sly, and trained to deceive. But your eyes, they reveal the deceit. Although the mischief twinkled in your eyes, Glowing, I still believed in your lies. While you cried artificial tears, hoping they looked real, My tears fell with the rain, as the love still spilled.

I saved you a dance with the disguise of joy on my face, And you continued to slap me in a graceful way. Had me feeling love and shame, all the same. Both don't love me and cause me pain. I left the dance, but I came back for more, Because for me, love still poured.

Always read people, thought you were the only one who could read. But I opened the book of you, let me tell you what that means. From what I can see, you're stuck in a victim's mentality, You blame others for your wrongs, don't want to face reality. After time, I guess you can say I knew exactly who you were, But still, some way, love continued to pour.

While vile and vindictive, you were quite ostentatious. Never did I know you could be so malicious. Your true nature being seen by me, was forbidden. Took me a while to see what you kept hidden. And now the wound that bled, bleeds no more, I am now drained, and love no longer pours.

[iamfortyseven]

My Black Woman Truth

My skin, a rich brown, the same as the ground I am made from. My soul is a gold, the same as the one I am made for. My hair, full of kinks and curls. Too unruly for some. My love as vast as the as the skies, and free to soar. This is my black woman truth. They say that I am ugly, but I know that I am beautiful. They say that they hate me, but I know that I am loved. They say that I am too sexual, but I am only sensual. They say that I am haughty, but I won’t be walked on. This is my black woman truth. Though they try to burn me, from the ashes, I rise. Though they try to chastise me, from my heart, I smile. Though they envy me, through their hate, I love. And though they try to bury me, through God, I am alive. This is my black woman truth.

[iamfortyseven]

It All Burns Down

I wish you never would have led me here. You see the tears flowing from my eyes, but you don't care. You say my love is being wasted. And I think that too, but I can't see anyone else who needs it more than you.

Build a house of cards around you and paint it with an illusion. You'll be the only one who's fooled, until it all falls down in ruins. You have a warehouse for a heart, why must it burn down? I know you hear me scream and shout, why must you burn it down?

We're only human, so take me away and I'd follow you anywhere. We can build a new house from the ground up, with only our bare hands. If only you would give me the chance. Let me break the chains. You hid away all the tools, you knew I could never break in.

Took me to church, I worshiped you like the heavens that made me. And in the end, hell is what you gave me. I'm so ashamed, thought I could play your little game. But no matter who plays, the results are all the same.

And as my tears stroll down my cheeks and hit the ground, looking at you, I still have a gleam of hope, as it all burns down.©