#TheBeautifulRecovery Based On A True Story
How do you fight depression spear head on? cold turkey & no prescriptions? Tough battle to be won…
To say you conquered the impossible & leave with a clear mind, easier said than done/
Battling self doubt to isolation to narcissism, etc & The war cry of my people become loud drums/
Happiness & Peace become a pursuit as you grow old, many a day I wish I stay young…/
Once the kid who always looked for validation see/ Always wondered if I was good enough cause my biological chose the streets over me/
Former Stepfather no better, my childhood/teenage years was on eggshells/ Worried if me & momma hard earned money or my gaming consoles would be contribution to his higher self/
The days I needed that support system from him or him always went blank/ And I take on the world by myself proudly… few wins, many losses in my memory bank/
Never thought their actions would take a toll on me/ As far as treating my loved ones like they need be/
But I took a hit that was heart piercing/ Even worse, I hurt someone close & dear to me, the consequence was life changing/
She would tell me “Jay, I’m not your option… respect me as a priority, respect my wishes or lose me & your best friend/
To hear her tears & her raging expression/ I became what I promised to not be, bad energies & a emotional wreckon/
A loved one who would’ve been there for me more than twice/ And like every young fool, I was blinded by every reel light instead of what’s real right/
Mental Window blurry so I could only see half of the diamond in front of me… Darkwing please forgive me/ Then Michael Jackson voice echoed in my head like an epiphany/
I had to look myself in the mirror and say “Jayson, what’s happening to you?” There’s some deep roots that need to be cut loose/ Where to go? What to do?/
How to a reach anew metamorphosis without becoming addicted to pill prescriptions like many of my male figures post therapy/
In search of Rehabilitation Methods Mentally, Spiritually & Physically/ Sleepless nights, Endless memories/
As I prayed a prayer full of tears, the voice of God flew through my ear like a summer breeze saying, trust me/
before you make any close calls to home, follow my lead/ And fret not for your father in spirit won’t leave/
Now i’m hesitant & nervous again, because I’ve heard this before Lord & even though I seen your miracles break the surface/
How do I break these generational habits & generational curses?/
Dark Shadows & Endless battles what my forefathers left me, Love em dearly for the good I remember but why couldn’t they leave me with purpose/
I had to submit to God before my heart gave out/ Cause I refuse to swim inside a pool of suicide & drought/
Heart & Mind Reconditioning everything I was taught/ Thank God for Dr. Afrika & Dr. Sebi, for every therapeutic scroll helping me shift my thoughts/
Slowly yet painfully removing the negative barriers/ layer after layer after layer after layer/
Soon as I finish, I see a silhouette cocoon & a reflection of my younger self with a pen and pad/ And his first words he wrote down to me I read “I knew you breakthrough your toughest task”/
My reply “a bond/friendship is broken because I wasn’t aware of these issues… Mental Health issues/
Passed on from generation to generation, with no form of proper direction to break the cycle/
They say repeated choices are decisions, Hard to say if those same choices before me were subconsciously turned to carry on traditions/
I had to diagnose myself, find the cure for myself/ Hard to trust the medical business when they don’t profit off cures nor healings for self/
2 million blacks are missing in the united states & Half are the creators of life that fight the same traits/
I’d go in depth with the grand scheme of things, but too much of what you need to hear may push you away… so back to my story/
Remember when the Black Panther saw his father and ancestors?/ And he had to restructure a new Kingdom separate from his previous pastures/
Same scenario, Righting wrongs while writing wrongs/ Change for the better is supposed to shake up your nerves, just don’t lose sight of reading the palms/
Back at square one, except this time I don’t feel defeat & my vision is crystal clear as alkaline water/ I accept this great gift, this great responsibility to love myself as much as I love others/
Allow me to reintroduce myself, my name is Jayson Johnson Ladies & Gentlemen/ One of many poetic Therapeutic sessions as I relearn how to love again/
I say to myself & my loved ones i fell short of grace with, forgive me ignoring your feelings, value & worth/ & for the days I didn’t keep y’all first/
Black men Love Your Black Women Black Kings Love Your Black Queens it’s nothing wrong with admitting when your wrong Pride has killed our people more than gun fire all because we let it linger on/
The pain you reap is the pain you sow/ I know you & I are better than the pain we sow, so let’s grow…
Together
