I AM NOT A POET

I write stuff sometimes / instagram: @iamnotapoet

[iamnotapoem]

Scared

I want to ask you why you’re so scared but I think I already know the answer. It would make more sense to say, “Please don’t be so scared. You’ll be OK. With me by your side, you’ll find strength.”

But that would be futile. You cannot force a plant to grow faster. It needs time, however much that may be.

I wonder if you miss me. I hope you miss me.

[iamnotapoem]

heart.

chest, left side the soft spot i have for her is caged not like a savage animal but a fragile thing without a home

N.J.

[iamnotapoem]

Heaven

you lie in wait for paradise 

a blissful utopia - untainted, impossible, perfect

wrought with fear of divine retribution 

hope carries you through your days

before you greet an infinite sleep

but this is the true sin:

to waste your breath in life 

in hopes of breath in heaven

Shakespeare could not write a better tragedy

[iamnotapoem]

Be wary of those who speak without saying anything at all.

iamnotapoem

[iamnotapoem]

untitled 2

but i don’t want to own you

i only want to be entwined in you

every breath i take is yours

every heartbeat is a declaration of love

every touch, a promise

everything, you

photo by Justin Main

[iamnotapoem]

Untitled.

The tendrils of fear claw desperately at her mind, wrapping themselves around the wiring, synapses shooting in every which way, screaming, pleading her to stand still and be afraid. Her monster screams, “Stifle yourself and freeze the hands of time!”

With fear as her trusted companion, she does not grow. She only grows tired and weary of herself. The blame lies not solely on the tragic and cruel nature of the world; it is in equal measure a weight carried on the shoulders of the afflicted.

photo by witchoria

[iamnotapoem]

quiet

in their solitude they found camaraderie

two souls gasping for air in the lonely hours

a bond born from aching sadness

[iamnotapoem]

fast food

primed for mass consumption a momentary treat for taste buds inspiring regret and disgust difficult to stomach somehow they want more of you

i am repulsed

N.J.

[iamnotapoem]

This ain't new to me

I've been alone for so long I'm numb to the pain. So please, don't tell me how it feels because I know how it is.

[iamnotapoem]

Solitude

I like being alone... But I like being in good company better.

[iamnotapoem]

Forgotten.

[iamnotapoem]

Reasonably Insane

Dancing on the cusp of reason, I am almost insane.

[iamnotapoem]

an idea to be fleshed out

I have grown tired of walking pathways that have been beaten like an inobedient whore.

Excuse my callous words, but what is more callous than denying the soul what it yearns for?

[iamnotapoem]

Beautiful Ugly Thing

The sloshing sound of your swirling and swigging as you plunge deeper into blurred insanity is the ugliest, most retched melody It is not at all euphonious; it is a crook in your life’s symphony So then, why are you more alive and beautiful tonight than you’ve ever been? Can’t they see your electricity? Your body moves to the rhythm of the pulsing beat, like a tidal wave and all who dare come near you are taken The beat is a steady heart thumping in the walls, a raging beast sending shockwaves through the ceiling while you move around, sometimes clumsily, but at other times with an expert shuffling of your feet Your face is brighter than the sun, and your smile stretches miles as if your mouth were a sweeping landscape You are feeding the crowd until they burst with everything that you are and you want more How can you stay alive? Down it goes, the hot burn of that disgusting courage claws at the inside of your mouth and fills your throat with anger and warms your stomach, dancing there much in the way that you are tonight Indeed, it dances, but it won’t play nice, you’ll see And you do, but you don’t see much after that The world is dipped in darkness Tomorrow morning you will hate yourself for it But you’ll do it again And again And again This is what you live for

With clouded thoughts,

N.J.

[iamnotapoem]

My Darling

Come, my darling, be foolish with me

Let them laugh as we frolick with childish abandon

Welcome to our playground

We are the sole actors on this stage; there are no rehearsals

With wistfulness,

N.J.

[iamnotapoem]

Out of my mind

Writing expulses the thoughts from my mind, but it doesn't help me get out of my head. This level of introspection can feel like self-inflicted isolation. It's thoroughly self-indulgent and it can be exhausting, even though it is exactly what I need in a world that can be much too frantic and noisy. It is a somewhat masochistic venture, being too inside your head, but I couldn't do without it.

With tired eyes,

N.J.

[iamnotapoem]

Until

Might we have kissed, If it not for your desire for another?  Heartbreak was an unknown Until My heart, my mind, my soul Changed hands and suddenly, They were yours You overshadowed all else An unwelcome invasion it was not Until  You took my sanity You never meant any harm Yet naïveity is not your friend I became undiginifed Despite my greatest efforts not to fall I was like every common fool You would never be mine But I still wanted a taste You, on the tip of my tongue How sweet that would have been Until It wasn’t anymore

With (bleeding) love,

N.J.