The Final Uchiha

[iamsasuke]

What should I get Naruto for his birthday this year?

[iamsasuke]

I'm usually at Denny's around 2am but I forgot that I had a kid who's getting older now and can go out with her friends so she saw me eating a simmer plate last night all alone in the corner table so now I can literally never eat at Denny's again.

[iamsasuke]

Can't decide between poisoning Nigahiga or poisoning Bongo for Naruto's birthday this year. Maybe I'll just keep it tame and get him a gift card idk

[iamsasuke]

i miss you sasuke

Sorry, I've been evading the law

[iamsasuke]

I saw you and Naruto at Chuck e Cheese spending a crazy amount of money on tokens. 🤔

me n naruto had fun haha idk just don't post this on.. twitter i do t wanna get attacked by the media but yes i was playing the games having fun 🫣 happy new year

[iamsasuke]

Me and Boruto spent half of his training session today drawing little swirls in the dirt because I'm sad. I told him it's a meditation technique to help shape his rasengan but really I just don't want to do anything.

[iamsasuke]

There's only 48 hours in a week like how am I supposed to fit in crying? I already have walking, running around, acting out scenes from step up AND highschool musical in Narutos kitchen, scrap-booking with Tenten. I need more time. I'm gonna have to cut out my daily daydream where Naruto plays pingpong with me and he wins and then I pretend to get mad so I can attack him which allows me to have skin to skin contact. Ugh that's my favorite activity though... you know what Tenten's gotta go.

[thestrangestwatermelonofall]

I can rest easy now knowing that Sasuke has dramtically performed the song "Bet On It" from High School Musical 2 in Naruto's house at least once.

[iamsasuke]

What does the strangest watermelon look like. Don't tell anyone I know irl that I'm asking such an embarrassing question. I'll delete my blog.

[iamsasuke]

Sasuke do you have a driver’s license?

Yea Naruto gave one to me for Christmas last year

[iamsasuke]

Do you partake is adultery?. it's a sin just so you know

Yea I do. I guess I sin then... so...? I canceled it out ahead of time already by freeing Orochimaru's slaves, killing him, killing a freak who contributed to the genocide of an entire ethnic group, saving the entire world, and bringing Naruto a little snack (me) every time I visit the murder village. It's chill.

[iamsasuke]

Sasuke what did you do for Naruto’s bday?

Idk why he wanted to play golf so bad we had the most boring time ever. His decision not mine. Anyways after that it got better because we did some other things. Not that it's anyone's business. And before anyone asks, no it's not his wife's business either.

[theearthisourmother]

naruto could be mark zunkleberg in a modern au and sasuke could be whoever owns pinterest

[theearthisourmother]

facebook tries to buy pinterest and sasuke says no then they move in together get married and facebook dies pinterest becomes a thriving economy after sasuke sells it to sakura

[sasuke-offical]

the most important part here is that i get married to the money in the end. happily ever after

[iamsasuke]

who the hell are you

[iamsasuke]

Naruto brought me on TV for the first time since his presidency to answer some questions about my clan for world culture day and I didn't realize we were already rolling so I was still talking to Naruto about how when seahorses reproduce, the female seahorse puts her eggs into the male seahorse (his pouch) and then he carries it to term and my mic was already on, full gain, and they broadcast it to the entire shinobi world and the new producer couldn't figure out how to tell me to stop for a whole minute straight. He looked so interested in what I was saying that I just wasn't paying attention to the anything else... so... if you're wondering why I'm trending on twitter right now that's why.

[iamsasuke]

do you know masashi kishimoto?

there are alot of people in the world that "know kishimoto" but unfortunately im not really the religious type. also i always wonder why god has a japanese name... either way i don't really believe he's that great of a guy if he does exist.

[iamsasuke]

sasuke i hope u die but i mean it in the best way possible i hope u and naruto die and get to live the rest of eternity on a beach in the afterlife weaving flowers in each other’s hair having a lovely time etc

do you want to be my power of attorney please say yes

[iamsasuke]

Doesn't knitting require alot of skill, physical ability, and perseverance..? I just can't understand why it's not an Olympic sport...

[iamsasuke]

sasuke why did u let naruto marry hinata :/

Higanja is Naruto's cover... I think... I can't really understand it myself honestly. We have sex like every week... I'm trying to understand just as much as you are. Maybe he needs her so he doesn't have to pay for clothes... I mean I do spend alot of his money... and she does knit and sew at olympic skill level.

[iamsasuke]

Is it true that you are jealous of garra?

I took this photo as evidence so I can start an argument with Naruto later. It's how I get my monthly reassurance out of him because he's clueless otherwise. Anyways no I'm not jealous of Gaara.... he looks like the child of Ronald Mcdonald and Avril Lavigne