I Can & I Will

THE WORLD CAN ONLY WAIT SO LONG.

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MH

I can only assume, that your hurt, confused, and lost; but I hope that I didn’t cause too much hatred in your life for me. The reason why we broke up was not valid; but I am guilty for not trying. For the first time, giving up on everything because I felt that it was too much. I wasn’t ready for the type of commitment that you were seeking for, but I did have strong feelings. 

I’m sorry that everything ensued the way it did, but I’m hoping that God has a bigger and a  much more wonderful plan for you. And I know the type of person you are, exiling me from everything, but I should have just let you go at the end of the summer rather than saying that I wanted to try the long distance aspect. I wish I had my best friend, the one person who truly did accept me for all my flaws. I just wish I had that sense before everything ended. But I was too blind, and that is my fault.

Miss you. 

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Relapse.

I breathe in every morning saying that its a new day. That i’m thankful, that I have what I have, and it’s enough. But there are these moments, little attacks of emotion, that make me miss you. I think of them each as those little memory cells dying; trying to get over you; burning themselves away; and as each memory has its own level of intensity, so do the attacks.

I have to admit that those moments are reoccurring less now-a-days, but they still feel as awful and sharp as the ones before it. 

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Thank you.

Each day I've missed you. But as each day passes, I am ever more thankful that you've given me something to love. Even though it may not be each other.

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“How do you know when it's over?" "Maybe when you feel more in love with your memories than with the person standing in front of you.”

Gunnar Ardelius

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“No need to come to me When I can make it all the way to you You made it clear You weren't near Near enough for me”

-the xx

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All I wanted you to do was to end the silence. Little did I realize, the silence was what I had left of you. Your final words -the end of us, and now I long for that silence because then at least we would still be together.

jy

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With you, i've never felt more alive.

jy

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The silence you’ve given me was unbearable. Posing questions in my head which I hoped would not realize. But sadly hope can fail, and all I can do is fade away the best memories I’ve had to get by another day.

jy

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Having you mad at me for a night was excruciating. But you forgiving me today, makes me feel like I have wings.

jy

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You pass by me like a comet And all a stargazer can do is watch you shine.

jy

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"I know we were made for this."

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Night, after night.

You are my new obsession. 

we found each other through the vast internet only to find that timing was never on and distance was what we had. You lived in the west, and I in the east of the states. Through the first night of texting I started loving every message and minute that you gave me, at first a pure distraction from studying and late night cram sessions for an upcoming assignment or exam. From there we moved onto Skyping where we began to call each other every night and like clockwork we would log on to be with each other every night. Here at midnight, and there at nine. 

Night, after night we talked, laughed, and sang to our hearts content to find ourselves falling for each other no matter how little logic there was. We have never met, we have never felt, and we have never seen each other in real life yet we connect so well. More than I have felt in years with anyone else.

You make me happy, crazy, and infatuated with you. Yearning for the next Skype session, to only fill me with joy when I hear the ringing of the phone call. 

But with all this build up, there is always sorrow. When we have to come to realization with our lives and have to get back to the real world of habits, jobs, and society. For the last two days we’ve communicated so little, and just as you appeared you seem to disappear. Moments never seem as sweet; and those words of love seem to have not existed. 

Now, I see you lay there, falling asleep from a day of exercise and work; having yet to say those sweet words that I wish to hear every hour of every day, are left unspoken. 

That is all I want to hear. Night, after Night. 

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Found Music #2

EI--3-----------------2-------------------0------------------------------------I

AI----5-------------5---5--------------5----5-------------5---3----------3---I

DI------4----4---4--------4----4----4---------4---4---4--------5--------5---I

GI---------0---0-------------0----0--------------0---0----0-------0------0---I

BI----------------------------------------------------------------------0~-0---I

EI-------------------------------------------------------------------------------I

G / F# / E

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Why is it, that if we don't talk one night; everything gets thrown off the tracks?

jy

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THEM BITCHES BE HOES. uh... THEM BITCHES BE CRAZY!

jy & jb

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Give me a break, I made a mistake. For loving you, like I always do.

jy

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Found Text #4

Star lit sky,

still wondering

why can't I get you out of my mind.

Everything you said

oh~ this melody controls my soul,

and i've written it for you once again

oh~ can't I control this, I don't know

but what I know is,

      you make me feel incredible.

Every word, every thought,

though it may not seem like a lot,

you're everywhere in my head

your smiling face, your warm embrace~

keeps me going, to life uncertainty.

I can feel your heart beat like mine,

though we're 2,600 miles away,

We'll see each other soon in time~

you make me feel incredible

until then I will forever wait.