You really think John was the one who left Yoko during the Lost Weekend? can you elaborate why you think that? It seems like he was definitely at a point where his manic restlessness was boiling over, and followed his pattern of intense highs followed by self destructive lows, and hurting those closest to him. I think he longed for a sense of fulfillment and ability to stand on his own that was elusive to him particularly because he was terrified of being without a partner to lean on and hated himself :( Yoko’s very intuitive and I think she took initiative by getting control of the situation before actually losing John and John responded to strong personalities who ‘managed’ him. And wasn’t John asking Yoko on the phone to come back home but she said he needed more time away? if it triggered his abandonment issues I can easily see how he was desperate to get back to her. This isn’t to say I necessarily believe the official version of Yoko coolly moving on since I think she was just as insecure and dependent on him as he was.
Hi anon, thanks for the ask. It’s not a hill I’m willing to die on, but I definitely think it’s a possibility! Let me try to explain where I’m coming from.
To begin with: when I read an anecdote of a man lying “catatonic” in bed for hours while his wife gets high and complains about her life to a relative stranger in the other room, I am not struck by an image of love and contentment. (See also: “I don’t want her” and “I wish I was back with Paul.”) Of course, such reports should be taken with at least one grain of salt, BUT! when documented accounts contradict the prevailing narrative so sharply….my personal instinct is to question that narrative.
To me, this sounds like a man who is over it. But the idea that Yoko knew John *so well* that she could intuit his needs/control the situation in the way you describe fits reeaalllyy neatly with both her public image and the Ballad, so it’s not surprising that this is the version of the story that stuck.
I don’t necessarily feel confident attributing John’s restlessness and lack of fulfillment exclusively to a mood disorder, either. John and Yoko had unrealistic expectations of each other and of their relationship from the start; no one person can meet all of another’s needs. This is a well-known problem with highly fused and insular partnerships, and tbh I think the established dynamic had run its course.
While I agree that John probably struggled with codependency, the thing is, it’s not like he left Yoko to be by himself. He went to LA with May and surrounded himself with friends, he began collaborating with other musicians again— he immediately sought out the companionship and community he lost when he moved to New York. This, to me, reads like a person who knew what he was missing and was trying to get it (or something like it) back.
Regarding the calls between John and Yoko…idk. I’m not aware of any contemporaneous third-party accounts of what was actually said in those calls, nor do I feel confident citing John/Yoko/May, as they all have some motivation for stretching the truth. But even if John WAS genuinely pursuing Yoko, that doesn’t mean he didn’t leave her to begin with…every fuck-head ex who’s ever dumped me tried to get me back at one point or another. People are just fickle sometimes.
Anyway, I do not want to imply that I believe the so-called lost weekend was all rainbows and butterflies. Unfortunately, John DID likely need support that friends alone couldn’t provide— but Yoko couldn’t provide it, either. And that becomes clear when we look at what comes next.
After John and Yoko reunite, we see John gradually withdraw into isolation. He is still unstable, bc unsurprisingly, Yoko’s intuition and management couldn’t actually save him from anything. He’s hardly making music, and the recordings we do have from the late 70s are generally pretty devastating— the only exceptions seem to be those little improvisations calling upon memories of the past. Third party accounts of John’s wellness at this time range from bad to worse; I am reminded of the earlier reports of near catatonia. Even if these accounts are exaggerated (and I hope they are!), this doesn’t sound like a person who is healthy and happy with his lot in life.
Just like the Lost Weekend was branded to sell a story of a wayward boy and the woman who found him (implicitly -> saved him), the House Husband Years were branded to sell the sequel: A Born-Again Family Man. But the evidence (salt!) we actually have from that period paints a much more complicated picture, so we must consider who is telling the story and what they have to gain from it.
It’s only in 1980, when John seems to begin asserting a bit more agency and re-engaging with life, that we see a real shift. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Starting Over calls upon themes of renewal, of honoring his younger self— a self who conquered the world alongside his friends, in collaboration rather than isolation.
ANYWAY, sorry for rambling. All of this is to say: obv I don’t know for sure what to make of the whole scene, but I think it’s suspicious as HELL that the narrative pushed by the Lennono estate — Yoko as uniquely capable of understanding and stabilizing John — differs so dramatically from the patterns that emerge when we look carefully.
