I'm not okay but I can try my best to just pretend

ᴵ ᵈʳᵉᵃᵐ ⁱⁿ ʰᵉˡˡ ᴬᴺᴰ 𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐮𝐩 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 ˒ ᵂᴵᔆᴴᴵᴺᴳ ᵀᴴᴬᵀ ᴵ ᵂᴬᔆ ᔆᴼᴹᴱᴼᴺᴱ ᴱᴸᔆᴱ ˑ         ᵀʰᵉ ˢᵗᵃᵗⁱᶜ ˡᵉᵃᵛᵉˢ ᵐᵉ ⁱⁿ ᵃ ᶜᵃᵗᵃᵗᵒⁿⁱᶜ ᵖᵉᵃᶜᵉ — 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐧𝐨𝐰. Dᴇsᴘɪᴛᴇ 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐬 ,          𝐈'𝐦 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠ˑ ᴵ'ᵛᵉ ʸᵉᵗ ᵗᵒ ᶜʳᵃʷˡ ᵒᵘᵗ ᵒᶠ ᵐʸ ˢᵏⁱⁿ ; Tʜᴇ ᴇᴍᴘᴛʏ ʜᴜsᴋ ᴏғ ᴀ ғʟᴀᴡᴇᴅ ᴅᴇsɪɢɴ ˑ         ᵀᴴᴱᴿᴱ ᴵᔆ ᴺᴼᵀᴴᴵᴺᴳ ᴱᴸᔆᴱ ᴸᴱᶠᵀ ᴵᴺᔆᴵᴰᴱ

[icameasiam]

                  #ᶤᶜᵃᵐᵉᵃˢᶤᵃᵐ :  ᴬ  ˢᵉˡᵉᶜᵗᶤᵛᵉ ˒  ᵖʳᶤᵛᵃᵗᵉ ˒  ᶤᶰᵈᵉᵖᵉᶰᵈᵉᶰᵗ  ʳᵒˡᵉ⁻ᵖˡᵃʸᶤᶰᵍ  ᵇˡᵒᵍ  ᶠᵒʳ  ᵒʳᶤᵍᶤᶰᵃˡ  ᶜʰᵃʳᵃᶜᵗᵉʳ  ᴬᴺᴺᴬᴮᴱᴸᴸᴱ ᴿᴼˢᴱ ˑ  ᴬᵈᵃᵖᵗᵃᵇˡᵉ  ᵃᶰᵈ  ᶠᵃᶰᵈᵒᵐˡᵉˢˢ  ʷᶤᵗʰ  ᵐᵉᵈᶤᵘᵐ  ᵗᵒ  ˡᵒʷ  ᵃᶜᵗᶤᵛᶤᵗʸ ˑ  ᴱˢᵗᵃᵇˡᶤˢʰᵉᵈ  ¹⁰/¹⁶/²⁰¹⁷  ⁻  ᴿᵉᵃᶰᶤᵐᵃᵗᵉᵈ  ¹¹/¹⁸/²⁰²⁴ ˑ  ᴾᵉʳˢᵒᶰᵃˡ  ᵇˡᵒᵍˢ  ᵃᶰᵈ  ᵐᶤᶰᵒʳˢ  ᵈᵒ  ᶰᵒᵗ  ᶤᶰᵗᵉʳᵃᶜᵗ  ⁻  ¹⁸⁺  ᵇˡᵒᵍ  ʷᶤᵗʰ  ᵈᵃʳᵏ  ᵗʰᵉᵐᵉˢ  ᵖʳᵉˢᵉᶰᵗ ˑ  ᴾˡᵉᵃˢᵉ  ʳᵉᵃᵈ  ʳᵘˡᵉˢ  ᵇᵉᶠᵒʳᵉ  ᶤᶰᵗᵉʳᵃᶜᵗᶤᶰᵍ  ᵃᶰᵈ  ᶠᵒˡˡᵒʷᶤᶰᵍ ˑ  ᶜʳᵉᵃᵗᵉᵈ  ᵇʸ  ᴵᶰᵈᶤ / ²⁵⁺ / ˢʰᵉ ⁺ ʰᵉʳ ˑ ᴺᴼ  ᴿᴬᶜᴵˢᴹ ˒ ᴴᴼᴹᴼᴾᴴᴼᴮᴵᴬ ˒ ᴴᴬᵀᴱ  ᴬᶜᶜᴱᴾᵀᴱᴰ  ᴴᴱᴿᴱ ˑ  ᴮᴱ  ᴷᴵᴺᴰ  ᴬᴺᴰ  ᴰᴱᶜᴱᴺᵀ  ᵀᴼ  ᴼᴺᴱ  ᴬᴺᴼᵀᴴᴱᴿ ˑ  

                   ᴬ  ˢᵀᵁᴰᵞ  ᴵᴺ ; ᵂʰᵃᵗᵉᵛᵉʳ  ᴵ  ᵃᵐ ˒  ˡᵉᵗ  ᶤᵗ  ᵇᵉ  ᵉᶰᵒᵘᵍʰ ˑ  ᴴᵃˡᶠ  ᵃᵍᵒᶰʸ  ᵃᶰᵈ  ʰᵃˡᶠ  ʰᵒᵖᵉ ˑ  ˢᵗᵒʳᶤᶰᵍ  ᵃᶰᵍᵉʳ  ᵃᶰᵈ  ᵍʳᶤᵉᶠ  ᵘᶰᵗᶤˡ  ᶤᵗ  ˢᵖᶤˡˡˢ  ᵒᵛᵉʳ ˑ  ˢᵉᶰᵗᶤᵐᵉᶰᵗᵃˡ  ʷᶤᵗʰ  ᵃ  ᵗᵉᶰᵈᵉᶰᶜʸ  ᵗᵒʷᵃʳᵈˢ  ˢᵒˡᶤᵗᵘᵈᵉ ˑ  ᴴᵉᵃˡᶤᶰᵍ  ᵖᵃˢᵗ  ʷᵒᵘᶰᵈˢ  ᶤᶰᶠˡᶤᶜᵗᵉᵈ  ᵇʸ  ᵗʰᵒˢᵉ  ᵐᵉᵃᶰᵗ  ᵗᵒ  ᵖʳᵒᵗᵉᶜᵗ ˑ  ᴳʳᵒʷᶤᶰᵍ  ᵘᵖ  ᶠᵃˢᵗᵉʳ  ᵗʰᵃᶰ  ᵐᵒˢᵗ ˑ  ᶠᵉᵉˡᶤᶰᵍ  ᵈᵉᵉᵖˡʸ  ᵃᶰᵈ  ˡᵒᵛᶤᶰᵍ  ᵘᶰᶜᵒᶰᵈᶤᵗᶤᵒᶰᵃˡˡʸ ˑ  

[icameasiam]

it's been a rough year besties. i love you all.

[icameasiam]

miss u

Show yourself? How do I know if I miss you or not? 🫠

[icameasiam]

ʰᵃᵖᵖʸ ᵇⁱʳᵗʰᵈᵃʸ ᵗᵒ ᵐᵉˑˑˑ

[icameasiam]

Every time I do a single thing to come back to this blog life decides it wants to kick my ass.

[icameasiam]

Not sure if any of you have seen but on August 14th my brother passed away. It's been hell.

Well, on the 15th of October my dad fell in front of our house, hit his head and was bleeding. Come to find out his heart was giving out on him. He went from 35bph to 25 to 0 while in the hospital. He had to get an operation and now has a pacemaker.

He's doing a lot better than he was doing previously to his operation.

However, I am not. I went from one traumatic experience to the next to the next. My heart, my mind, my bpd are suffocating me at the moment. Happiness is brief but don't worry — not that I think any of you do — it's not to the point of suicide. I won't let myself ever get to that point even if I don't care if I'm alive or not.

As you can imagine, I'm not going to be around for a while so if you want feel free to soft block or hard block. Whatever is best for the movement of your timeline.

[icameasiam]

Is this right???

[icameasiam]

im going to unfollow blogs that have 2+ months of inactivity -- if they become active again feel free to follow. just clearing things out.

[icameasiam]

tomorrow is my brother's wake and tuesday the funeral.

[icameasiam]

My brother's remains arrive today. I'm a fucking mess of a human being and I don't know how much longer my mind will actually be able to gold on for

[icameasiam]

I'm so far behind on the dash and all of your lives. I'm sorry.

I have not been okay. Not entirely. Today makes it a full month since my brother died. It's all so fucked.

[icameasiam]

Some days it just feels like he's gone. Like I know he's not with us anymore. But he just feels gone. Other days he just feels dead. He feels dead today. The 7th is hjs birthday and he feels dead.

[icameasiam]

I don't know what month has been harder. August because my brother passed away on the 14 of it. Or September because it's his birthday on the 7th.

I'm tired.

Emotionally and mentally and physically. Sleep is not sleep. I'm just tired in every sense of the fucking word.

My dad wants to celebrate him on his birthday, we all do. I'm in charge of cleaning and charcuterie like appetizers.

Do you know how hard it is to shop for food for your dead brothers birthday party?? Fucking wild concept.

[icameasiam]

How the fuck has it been like two weeks since my brother died

[icameasiam]

nevver going to forget how not a single one of my cousins or family members have reached out to me about my brothers passing. and my aunt who did focused it on me taking care of my dad.

and i understsnd i do. i know i sound so selfish right now, but i lost my brother

like my brother is fucking dead

[icameasiam]

made a post and now all of a sudden they got time lmfaaaaaao

[icameasiam]

nevver going to forget how not a single one of my cousins or family members have reached out to me about my brothers passing. and my aunt who did focused it on me taking care of my dad.

and i understsnd i do. i know i sound so selfish right now, but i lost my brother

like my brother is fucking dead

[icameasiam]