the only—-and he means only—-part of meeting zeref that he was still, after all these years, was grateful for was the way that zeref made him very hard to kill. he licked his wounds (not literally, mind you) and went into hiding. being thought dead, he knew, was the smarter move for the moment. he was free from any more machinations that zeref would have had for him. for the first time, he was truly free. not granted a longer leash than some, but free.
he was happier now that he was dead.
but it did come to him at a price. he still lost his family. he lost his nerve, against that boy. he was something of a ghost, when he took That position and suddenly, his heart was not in it. he couldn’t kill the boy, but he could curse him. for the deaths of ur and ultear. they would never know, but it would haunt silver if he left their deaths go unanswered much longer.
(he met ultear, once. he didn’t know she existed until she stood in front of him, a perfect mixture of himself and ur. she looked above the rest, above them all, with her nose in the air and scrunched the same way her mother’s did when she annoyed. but he could not react. could not reach out. she may be his daughter, but he could never be her father.)
and now they were gone and he was still here. wandering. he could live, still. he smirked when he thought of waiting a few years (decades, even) and popping up on that fullbuster kid. just to mess with him. maybe by then, he would be a demon. he still had something to live for.
a whisper in the winds, a ghost, or a hallucination, called out his name. he was so far in his own head (he needed to nap soon) that he did not hear anything approach, only saw as she—it—approached. of course, he could be asleep right now, dreaming of this because. well. she was dead. and the dead, in his long experience, did not just come back to life.
“if this is a dream or some hallucination, then it is unspeakably cruel because you will be gone soon.” he said in lieu of a normal greeting.
reality shriveled around her, losing its luster, its life. losing anything that could have drawn her focus away. a thin eyebrow arched on her forehead and she sighed quietly. so he did recognise her. of course he did. she had not changed much since their paths had led them into different directions. had she held it against him that he had gone away? perhaps. maybe when she had been at the verge of breaking down, when everything had been too much for her.
despite herself, she had not thought that she would ever seen him again. she had been hopeful, in the beginning, but then ultear had fallen sick and her mind had been utterly consumed by the despair this had brought. there had been no room for anything else, she had been devoured by it entirely.
‘ ‘ solomon, ’ ’ she repeated, her nose scrunching up on its own accord as she folded her arms over her chest, balancing her grocery bag on what might just as well be knife’s edge. had there been room in her heart for something but grief, she would have missed him to the point of ruin. maybe she had. there were feelings inside her chest that knew neither name nor reason, they were --- overwhelming. this was all they were, refusing to be labelled, to be quantified. they caused her heart to swell, to burn --- and fire was such a foreign emotion for her --- and she could only stand and become the flame.
she exhaled quietly as she slowly shook her head at him. ‘ ‘ it's certainly not proper to call me a malevolent apparition, solomon, ’ ’ she scolded softly as her mouth curled into a smile. it was hardly the right reaction to a thinly veiled threat, but --- she was glad to see him. glad to see him well. her imagination had always been vivid, but what was crucial for the magic she called her own was . . . counterproductive when all it conjured were terrible fates for those she loved most.
( and solomon was someone she loved dearly, before and now. )
she angled her head, much like a cat might, as she tucked back a strand of her hair. so messy, always so messy. not that it mattered much, but old habits died hard. ‘ ‘ there was a miscalculation, ’ ’ she said, answering a question he had not even asked, a question that had kept her up for weeks. a question that still kept her busy and that made her regret the lapse of judgement that had led to the destruction of most of her research into this particular spell. ‘ ‘ at least that’s my current theory. ’ ’
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