3:45am, 14/02, outside NYC
It was dark, pitch black with only the moon light offering some form of reflection on the scene that lay before Elsa. She’d made sure it was desolate. Not wanting anyone close enough to see or worse get hurt by what she was about to do. It was a risk she knew that. But could she really keep living like this? Pushing everything and everyone away to protect them from herself? Maybe if she could control it enough, allow it this chance she could push it down more. Enough that she didn’t have to feel so afraid. That she didn’t have to feel so alone.
Straightening, the duchess swallowed thickly as she pulled the gloves off her shaking finger tips and put them quickly in her coat pocket.
She didn’t know what it would acheived. In some hopes, Elsa thought that maybe if she tried; willed it enough it would some how force it back into it’s box. Tie it down and lock it away like she had for so many years. That maybe if for once, she could let it slip, it would allow her to control it. Isolate it along with herself in some hope that it could minimize the damage to everyone else, even if it left her hollow and alone. Because wasn’t that better? Hadn’t she wanted this? To be alone?
No. She hadn’t. For all that it was worth, the Duchess wanted to belong. To fit in and be normal. As if some how if she could just fade into the shadows, then that would be okay because atleast she’d be there. That would be something. She didn’t want to be alone. But she didn’t have a choice. Wasn’t it her parents that told her that was the way she had to live? To conceal it. To hide. To bring up the facade that everything was fine, that was she fine, it was all- .. fine. Ironic wasn’t it, that two of the people she admired and loved most in the world had suggested something that made her feel like she was a monster people needed to be protected from. That Anna needed to be protected from.
Wasn’t she? A monster? Because what power did she have to control it? To stop it?
“Wait no-” Elsa uttered, eyes widening with fear as she pulled her hands back quickly before she’d even had a chance to try, palming clinging tightly to her heavily rising chest. As it if it could stop them from breaking anything else, as if it could stop her. The last time she’d done this- Anna had payed the price for it. How could she even think this was a good idea? Blinking back the tears of frustration that risked to fall from her eyes, the blonde let out a shaky breath as she fumbled in her coat to pull out her gloves. Finger tips trembling as the ice crystals formed a small pattern on the tips of her fingers. “No, no no no-” She mumbled quickly pulling one glove on. But just before she was about to pull the other, a gush of wind swept through around her stealing the glove and carrying it up and out of sight into the dark night. “No- come back-!” Her voice a trembling plea. Gloved hand enveloping her bare one as if that could some how make her feel more secure. That it could protect the world from the cold chill she could feel running over her skin.
“Don’t feel- control it- don’t feel.. don’t feel..” Elsa uttered to herself, features pinched with worry, her breath feeling like it was caught tightly in her chest. Maybe she would have got it together. Maybe everything would have been fine. It was the middle of the night, too late for anyone to still be around and just early enough for even the earliest risers to still be asleep. Maybe. But there was the crackling of earth under someones foot pinching at her ears like an alarm that had a lump forming in the back of her throat. There is was again.
Her hand was moving for some warning, to ask them to leave or stay as far away back as they could get. But there was another crunch of a footstep. Before she even had a chance to think, her non gloved hand moved out, as if some how to hands could plea them to stay where they were. But her powers had other ideas. With a small hand movement, the magic had sprung, creating spikes of ice just in front of the shadowed figure. For a woman so elegant and almost soft, there was a harshness to her powers that made Elsa so crippled with fear. They were dangerous, she was dangerous. The sight before her eyes was enough validation of that.
She didn’t wait to hear what the unknown figure said, she was turning and bolting before her ears even had a chance to hear. They wouldn’t have seen her, they couldn’t have seen her. It was too dark, if she couldn’t see them, how could they have seen her face? Right? Her hand clinging tightly to her chest to stop herself from doing anymore damage, Elsa fled from the scene. Cursing herself for evening thinking trying to understand her powers was a good idea, how could she have been so reckless. What if someone had seen? What if someone knew?
She couldn’t breathe. There had to be more to life than this. She was more than this. Elsa wasn’t an ice queen. She was warm, kind, caring. There was so much she wanted to give and be but how could she even dare when this was her reality? Left defeated and crumbling, features scrunched as she tried to will away the tears that threatened to fall down her pale cheeks.
Pull yourself together Elsa. Conceal it. Don’t feel.
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