[ichisama]

you're telling me i, the ichisama fucker of all time, could've had this url all along

[crehador]

alright seeing as i just started oushitsu kyoushi haine the prince!samatoki x tutor!ichiro crave is bone-deep in me today

imagine samatoki as a second prince who spurns all his tutors (because they're all old fogies trying to set him up with their beautiful gay daughters) and seems like a ruffian, a hooligan, an imbecile. which is not acceptable for a nearly 20yo prince who is soon to be presented as an upstanding (and marriageable) member of society

so beleaguered old king katen commands young court advisor jyuto to find a tutor that will actually stuff some knowledge into samatoki's head, and samatoki says to jyuto he might be more interested in books and learning if he had something pretty to look at while he studied (angling for jyuto to bribe him with a painting commissioned from a talented master visiting the capital)

and jyuto, naturally taking that to mean samatoki wants a hotter teacher, heaves a heavy sigh and brings in ichiro as the new royal tutor

which works just as well, if not better than, a new painting for samatoki's wall because soon enough samatoki is getting stuffed with more... knowledge...... than any one man could ever need

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post-canon samaichi, once they move in together their wardrobes become so grossly intermingled that neither of them go a day without wearing something that belongs to the other. samatoki often goes out in ichiro's hoodies, ichiro sometimes borrows samatoki's boots. samatoki wears some of ichiro's rings every now and then, and ichiro with his repierced ears can always borrow whatever he wants from samatoki's collection

so it's only a matter of time before they start going out with each other's mics, not caring which one they grab on their way out the door. soon enough samatoki with ichiro's speakers and ichiro with samatoki's big fucking coffin become common sights around yokohama

(and imagine if the special abilities are tied to the mic and not the rapper. imagine you're some petty criminal who's spent weeks hyping yourself up, mentally preparing yourself to face samatoki's counter blow, only for samatoki to send you blasting off like team rocket with ichiro's critical blow)

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samaichi cohabitation era, neither of them would be able to turn off their big brother instincts which leads to a whole lot of fussing over each other. they both cook and keep a fairly balanced diet (despite a certain someone's animosity towards carrots) so there's not too much fussing that needs to be done there

but when it comes to sleep, they're both guilty of staying up late too often for their own good. ichiro nags samatoki when samatoki's spent too many nights staying up to snipe some vintage jacket on yahoo auctions. samatoki nags ichiro when ichiro's spent too many nights staying up to binge precure

of course half the time the nagging has the exact opposite of its intended effect. half the time ichiro ends up staying up with samatoki to celebrate when samatoki wins his auction. half the time samatoki ends up staying up with ichiro to learn more about precure than he ever thought he would

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coffee shop au samaichi, ichiro owns the place and samatoki is the yakuza underling assigned to collect protection money from that block. it's love at first sight (mutual) the first time samatoki comes around. samatoki asks ichiro out on the spot and ichiro, trying to be cute, asks if that's part of the protection payment plan too

samatoki, appalled and offended, is like wtf? how can you even think that? you think i'd stoop that low? fuck off. forget it. this conversation never happened

and at first ichiro is like fuuuck that backfired. but then he starts to think, well, maybe it isn't such a bad idea to not get involved with a yakuza anyway. no matter how hot that yakuza may be

but it doesn't take long for ichiro to notice that samatoki isn't just hot. he's a bit of a dork, always leaving his jacket or sunglasses at the cafe to have more reasons to visit. he's honest, always bringing back the difference when ichiro 'accidentally' overpays (to give samatoki even more reasons to visit)

he's even thoughtful. though he never outright says it's what he's doing, ichiro knows he avoids coming around when jiro and saburo are working at the cafe. he knows that samatoki knows that no big brother wants a yakuza near their precious younger siblings

he's so everything that one day ichiro blurts out "you know you should really start dropping by when my brothers are here" and when samatoki hits him with another wtf? ichiro just goes "well you'll have to meet them eventually since i'm gonna marry you someday"

and maybe he's not as bad of a flirt as he thought because this time, it works

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arknights au my beloved let's revisit arknights au (samaichi established relationship)

the number of times ichiro has accidentally stepped on samatoki's big floofy snow leopard tail is absolutely not zero. while samatoki is happy to laugh it off, ichiro always feels so bad about it that his stupid-cute puppy dog ears droop for hours if not days. and his tail? sad, slow wags only

and to samatoki that is straight up unacceptable so naturally he makes every effort to not leave his tail just hanging around. which means keeping it constantly wrapped around ichiro when they're together

which in turn means one day ichiro's waddling from his clinic to the cafeteria with samatoki glued to his side, enormous tail wrapped around one of his legs, only to pass a certain doctor with a certain distant relative of samatoki's attached to him in much the same way

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this time last year, arb dropped that unbelievably perfect samaichi high school au on us and sent me into a high school au tailspin for the entire duration of the event

so. naturally. let's do it again

high school au samaichi, school nurse ichiro always chiding chem teacher samatoki for smoking where their students can see. stealing samatoki's cigarettes and replacing them with mints and sweets. lighting one of those stolen cigarettes on his way out of the infirmary one night, just to hold it and take in the scent, because samatoki's been away chaperoning a school trip for days and ichiro maybe, kinda-sorta, just a bit, misses him

then getting caught by assistant principal ramuda who snaps his photo and sends it into the faculty group chat like "okay assholes time to fess up. which one of you filthy smokers corrupted our darling yamada-sensei"

responses are a mix of people reminding ramuda he, too, is a filthy smoker and other people going "samatoki" "probably samatoki" "wouldn't it be samatoki?"

ichiro says nothing but samatoki still comes home with the smuggest grin, like he knows exactly what ichiro was doing with that cigarette (holding it) and why (missing him)

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canon divergence bachibachi era samaichi where the all stars are treated like an idol group (though is that even all that divergent lol)

they're on a variety show, playing a silly little quiz game where they write on little whiteboards to vote on answers to questions like "who among you is the best cook" (hifumi sweep) "who has the neatest handwriting" (rosho?) and "who gives the best hugs"

ichiro and rio tie for best hugger, which gets samatoki and jirosabu beefing when samatoki says there's no way that scrawny little punk gives hugs as good as rio's

to which jiro, bless his heart, unthinkingly says "get up and get a hug from aniki right now and see if you can say that again i dare you i double dog dare you"

samatoki, not being one to back down from a challenge, gets up to do just that. even when ichiro stands up and samatoki is immediately reminded of the fact that his scrawny little punk is no longer scrawny or little

it's a terrible hug at first. stiff and awkward. barely consensual on either side. but it doesn't take long for it to start feeling familiar even when they haven't hugged in years. ichiro is taller and broader, but he still smells the same. he's still as warm as samatoki remembers. and when samatoki lifts his arms to hug him back, ichiro shudders and makes a sound small enough that only samatoki hears

the show hosts ahem ahem several times to get them to break it up so they can move on with the segment, but nothing works until jyuto chucks his whiteboard at the back of samatoki's head

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the first time ichiro gets samatoki a pack of pocky for his birthday is the first year they know each other. because samatoki's birthday just happens to fall on pocky day. because pocky is sweet but not too sweet. because even tdd era ichiro can afford a pack

and totally not because ichiro is hoping samatoki will play the pocky game with him

(samatoki sees right through him, but still accepts the gift and eats them out of sight)

the next time, years later, he gives samatoki his gift one stick at a time. one end between his teeth, the other waiting for samatoki to take. samatoki indulges him for two or three sticks before smacking the pack out of his hands and diving in to take his real gift from ichiro's lips

(all right on the street, in broad daylight, outside the convenience store where ichiro bought the pocky on a whim)

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time slip samaichi, sometimes i think how neat it would be if tdd ichi got a peek at his future. like seeing his 30yo self married to the guy his present day self is madly in love with. coming back to the present all giddy and determined because he knows he'll get to be with samatoki one day

then lying awake at night, with his stomach twisting itself into knots, once bachibachi era hits because what if the door to that future is forever closed now? what if he fucked it up somehow? what if all this lifetime has in store for him is a future of wretched, wrenching jealousy over the version of him that does get to be with samatoki

wouldn't that be neat :')

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(absolutely because i just started watakon s2 last night) i feel like there's no going back to 'samatoki-san' for ichiro, not even after they start dating. especially not after they start dating, in fact. the only thing that would change imo is samatoki would stop insisting on it because now he sees and wants ichiro as his equal

but ichiro would still bust out a 'samatoki-san' or even a 'samatoki-sama' once in a while to tease, and of course he would become a master of wielding a well-timed 'danna~ :3' that gets him literally anything he wants

anyway all this is to say he would graduate to a cheeky 'danna-sama' one day and samatoki would pass out on the spot

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meanwhile samatoki's most common pet names for ichiro, other than ichi: sweetheart, darling, baby, angel, manuke

they are also super effective

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samaichi dating era, samatoki going all out to woo the fuck out of ichiro. fancy food romantic trips luxury gifts etc etc etc. ichiro isn't used to being spoiled like that, but he doesn't hate it either. mostly he lets samatoki do it because samatoki clearly enjoys it

but it's stuff like samatoki turning up at ichiro's place, to pick him up for a $$$$$ dinner, with a couple cartons of eggs tucked under one arm and going "hey they had a ridiculous sale on these at the shops down the street so i couldn't resist" that gets him the biggest heart eyes because the only thing ichiro loves more than a good sale is a man who loves a good sale

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ichiro's like "oh my god that's so sweet you got me eggs but samatoki i saw the sale i already bought a bunch" and samatoki's like "what? no baby these are for me. my eggs. mine. lemme use your fridge"

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post-canon samaichi + rijyu, ichiro and rio becoming workout buddies is such a beloved headcanon of mine. samatoki and jyuto would drag themselves out of bed at ass o'clock in the morning to join ichirio on their early morning runs, not even out of jealousy/possessiveness/a desire to show off, but purely because it makes their big dumb bark bark boyfriends so happy to have them there

(though let's be real the original intent is probably to show off but they both end the first run wheezing so embarrassingly hard that they immediately make a pact to quit smoking)

and when asked by colleagues why they look so tired they would absolutely both say they got up early to walk their dog

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where they differ is in how they would respond to "you have a dog? i love dogs. can i see a photo?"

jyuto would cough and snap "it's private. get back to work" while samatoki would whip out his phone and shamelessly start showing off recent photos of ane-san ichiro

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bachibachi era, imagine samatoki learning all sorts of niche geek info just to fire off more specific, targeted insults when he and ichiro fight. none of this generic "i hope you die i hope we both die" nonsense, ichiro hits him with a disrespectful "samatoki" and samatoki hits back with "i hope the anime adaptation of [ichiro's favorite light novel series] that was just announced with [ichiro's favorite voice actor] in the lead turns out to be shit" or "i hope you have to pity your oshi on her premium birthday gacha banner next week"

ichiro is torn between tearing up because that is so mean and being a little weirded out/confused/impressed because how does samatoki even know who his favorite voice actor or when his oshi's birthday is (ichiro mentioned it like once in their tdd days and samatoki never forgot.........)

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one day i will actually write this (said wishfully and unrealistically) but wingfic samaichi! we need wingfic samaichi

samatoki with the big, fuck-off white wings and ichiro with the raven-black. there's not even a plot to go with this idea, just the thought of loads of preening (each other) and plenty of wing scritches

also molting season! getting really irritable and itchy as their new feathers come in, arguing, then ichiro worrying lots when samatoki takes off after they fight and disappears for a few days (but really it's because samatoki found a bald spot on his wings and doesn't want ichiro to see)

also also during that pocket of time when they're together but hiding their relationship because they know everyone will tease them for how extra they were during bachibachi era, they get hella busted when black feathers are found in samatoki's room (cough bed cough) and white ones in ichiro's

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samaichi in the rain, sharing an umbrella. back in their tdd days, they could fit comfortably under one. ichiro was always the one to hold it. but post-reconciliation, ichiro's taller and broader and his shoulder gets wet when he holds an umbrella for them to share

he doesn't even notice it, but samatoki does. samatoki notices how ichiro never lets a single drop get on him even if it means letting one of his own shoulders get wet. but he doesn't call attention to it. he doesn't stop ichiro from doing it. because he knows how much ichiro likes to perform these little self-sacrificing acts of service, so he lets it happen and answers ichiro's affection by kissing that rain-chilled shoulder once they're home

(one day he's bragging about this exact thing to a thoroughly fed up jyuto who goes, "get a bigger umbrella. are you stupid?")

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i think i've said somewhere before that i like to imagine ichiro and samatoki both being not that good with spicy foods. that their spice tolerance isn't zero but they aren't spice fiends either. that they would both suffer big time when they get too competitive with each other over some spicy food challenge

but what would also be adorable is if

tdd era samaichi, they go out for ramen and ichiro receives the wrong order. instead of the lovely, mild shoyu ramen he ordered he gets a bowl of something with the word hell in the name. but he's not one to waste food so he's prepared to suffer through it to avoid sending it back

naturally samatoki notices that he's about to cry after just one bite, so he swaps their bowls and claims he fucking loves spicy food. ichiro, crushing hard, Remembers This Forever

years later, cohabitation era, he's having lunch with nemu and saying something about researching new spicy recipes for samatoki since samatoki loves spicy food so much. only for nemu to go "......wtf are you talking about that man is a gigantic spice baby" and that's how ichiro finally finds out he has been torturing his husband's taste buds. for years