The brain chemistry behind ‘angry’
Bruce Kasanoff is is the founder of Kasanoff Ghostwriting. He ghostwrites articles for entrepreneurs, startups, marketing companies and social innovators. He is a LinkedIn Influencer and has over 240,000 followers on LinkedIn.
He is also a regular contributor on Forbes.com. That is where I found a recent article of his - which was both lucid and compelling. It was about Anger Management and you can read it here. It is titled “From Fool to Cool” and gives three prescriptions to not lose focus when you are angry. I have summarized them below
When you get angry in a fight, you have lost the fight already
When you get angry, you take dumb decisions
When you get angry, you should slow down and observe
I found these points quite pertinent. I have been reading about how neurotransmitters and hormones affect our emotions and I felt compelled to break his points down into the chemistry behind them. I wrote my thoughts in an email to him, which he very kindly responded to. I am sharing the crux of that email here; It shall remind me of what I forget to do sometimes when I am caught in a friction-ridden situation.
Heres the crux of what I wrote to him -
I find your pointers very pertinent. I have been reading up on how neurotransmitters and hormones cloud our thinking when we are happy/angry/jealous/sad and it has been fascinating. In fact, its more fascinating to me because when I am experiencing either of the above emotions, I slow down to analyze which neurotransmitter is at work and what I need to do to counter it. It becomes a game of sorts - in which I have to win. Because if I win that game, I know I will achieve the goal I was running after. It also slows me down, which is an ideal state to be when countering an angry response.
Let me elaborate in terms of your example involving Jake (the senior who gets crazy-angry and yells at me).
Cortisol is a hormone that is released when one feels stressed. Expression of anger is a way to reduce one's own Cortisol levels. When Jake gets angry and screams out at me, he is trying to reduce his Cortisol. If I lose focus of the situation and yell back at him, he would perceive it as an attack and try to protect himself. His natural reaction would be to take the fight or flight response (i.e.) his brain would release Epinephrine. When epinephrine enters the blood stream, it becomes the hormone Adrenaline, which pushes Jake further into a self preservation mode. Adrenaline makes Jake's muscles tense/tight and his behaviour more impulsive. It also triggers release of more Cortisol. When Jake's cortisol level increases, he feels more stressed and the only response he knows to reduce it is to get angrier.
As opposed to this, if I slowed down and analyzed what is making him angry, heres what that would look like -
By yelling, Jake is trying to reduce the Cortisol levels in his blood. Another way of reducing Cortisol levels is by helping Jake relax or stimulating the release of Serotonin, Oxytocin, Dopamine and Endorphins in his brain. Lets look at one neurotransmitter at a time.
Oxytocin is more commonly known to be a "Trust" neurotransmitter. It helps social bonding and increases the level of trust in one's brain. It also facilitates agreement and generosity. If I need to bring Jake to a common ground, I have to make him trust that my intent is in the right place. I have to get his brain release more Oxytocin and have him trust me.
Trust doesn't come straightaway. Oxytocin doesnt get released straightaway. They say “Trust is earned when Respect is given”. For Oxytocin to kick-in Jake should perceive me as a net-giver in the conversation. I have to make his opinion feel valued and his ego feel respected. Serotonin, an inhibitory neurotransmitter is responsible for making the brain “feel good”. To achieve my goal, I have to make Jake’s brain release Serotonin - The neurotransmitter that helps the brain feel "well-being".
My understanding is that Serotonin has a medium-term effect, not a short term effect. My friction with Jake is happening right now, so the most I can do is just initiate the release of Serotonin in his brain.
You always feel good when you get what you want. Even the perception that you have got what you want can push your brain into experiencing a momentary feeling of well being. This brings me to Dopamine - the neurotransmitter that gets released when you achieve small victories. Dopamine motivates us to take action toward goals, desires, and needs, and gives a surge of reinforcing pleasure when achieving them.
Perception is reality. I have to first create a perception of well being in Jake's brain (i.e.) I have to explicitly allow him to have a small victory. Very simply, by agreeing to something he says (something that will have less impact on me) or by saying "I hear you" or apologizing at the least. When Jake's brain thinks it has won, it will release some Dopamine. Dopamine is addictive. When Dopamine is released, the brain automatically wants to do more of what helped release it. In this case, something that I said or did helped Jake's brain release Dopamine. So Jake will allow me to say/do more of that.
That is my first hook. Every chance that I get to put my point, my brain perceives it as a victory and it releases Dopamine. And my brain also wants to do more of that. I just have to focus inward and identify what worked and what did not. And do it again. And again. And again, till I reach a consensus with Jake. What I get in the end is always a middle ground. At the end of the conversation or at checkpoints, I have to monitor my levels of Serotonin - very simply by asking myself - ("Do I feel good about this?") and Oxytocin ("Do I trust Jake to stay good on his word?/Do I trust that things will be alright?")
The more I speak, the more I have to focus on helping Jake release more Oxytocin and Serotonin. Its a step by step process. When I say something unfavorable, Jake's brain will release Epinephrine (Adrenaline) and I will immediately get to see his reactions from his body language. I should observe and alter what I say focusing more on what works and less on what doesn’t work. This doesn't mean I should say what he wants to hear. Not at all. It means - I should also say what he wants to hear, if I want to make him listen to what I have to say. This last line is a key aspect of negotiation too. They don’t call it win-win for nothing.
Going back to the 3 points from Bruce’s article, my best chance of managing the issue with Jake is by
Slowing down and observing (picking up signals) - This is a critical step
Allowing Jake small victories (because that gives me an idea on what is triggering dopamine in his brain and how I could build trust/consensus)
Focusing on increasing Jake’s Oxytocin, Serotonin and my own Dopamine. All this while monitoring my own Serotonin and Oxytocin levels along the way.
There are also Endorphins (the hormones released when we smile and someone smiles back). I cannot smile at Jake when he is screaming at me. But once the above process is in motion, I could slip in a smile or two to see his response. That will tell me where his brain is at. If he responds with a smile, I know that his brain has released some Endorphins. He is feeling good. He is prepared to at-least hear me out (and further, to trust me). Thats when I put my point across.
I have no background in medicine, so I may have oversimplified things above. I am just fascinated by the way the brain works and I have only tried to put 2 and 2 together by observation.
A quick keyword trend search on Google Trends revealed how usage of “Reduce Stress” has increased steadily over time.
While this cannot be a definitive barometer of the overall stress levels in the world, it won’t be too far fetched to say that as of today, people are more stressed than ever. People are looking to focus inward more than ever. Searches for the keyword “Mindfulness” are higher than they ever have been. See below :
The very basis of mindfulness is to focus inward and be present in the moment. I have always wondered how to do this. Ironically, the answer was sitting in my brain all along.
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