Life In Screencaps

I could have been ‘Irish’. Then, my sister would be ‘Irene’, my brother to be named after a Greek god whose name starts with an ‘I’. I could have been a nobody to ‘Ireland’, a place I wasn’t born to. I could have had the nick of ‘Ai’ which means love in Nihonggo. And I will ask you, “Do I look like an ‘Irish’ to you?’

[surqrised]

“For her the ocean was more than a dream, it was a place she needed to visit to find herself and when she returned to the city, you could see the sun in her eyes, the wind in her hair, and taste the infinite salt on her lips.”

— Jose Chaves

[surqrised]

“I don’t want you to think I got through this undamaged, okay? But I’m learning to live with it. Because otherwise, the damage is all you are.”

— David Levithan, Every You, Every Me

[quotefeeling]

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”

— George Bernard Shaw

[quotefeeling]

“I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

[thebookquotes]

One of the most difficult things to think about in life is one's regrets. Something will happen to you, and you will do the wrong thing, and for years afterward you will wish you had done something different.

— Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid

[bronzhing]

[riverwindphotography]

A Full Moon Forest

© riverwindphotography

[icouldvebeenirish]

🤟

[icouldvebeenirish]

[icouldvebeenirish]

Believe in yourself a little more.

A little before the pandemic broke, I was in high spirits to start my ‘healing’ journey. I started a strict diet. Then I committed myself to get a little physical: yoga and HIIT.

A day at a time, I started shedding a skin I wanted to forget. Thought processes. Memories. Triggers.

I was gungho at creating something for myself and overcoming what I thought I couldn’t. It got a little dirty, artistic, and thoughtful: painting, blogging, and playing the ukulele.

I was creating what I believed was a pattern for recovery. A structured beggining and end to a day.

Then it started to falter one after the other. I have discovered.

I stopped my physical excercises and stopped eating. I was driven by caffeine while I developed a dislike for painting, blogging, and playing the uke.

I couldn’t go back to the drawing board because starting over becomes difficult after each fall.

Then, they became worse. I was always on high alert. I felt like someone would break in our house. I lie in bed at night thinking what else could go wrong. My self had been in constant meetings with itself. Talking. Thinking.

Until I woke up with panic attacks with triggers coming from all over.

What then shall come hereafter-

[icouldvebeenirish]

[icouldvebeenirish]

[quotespile]

“It’s always a disappointing business confronting my own reflection. My body isn’t bad. It’s a perfectly nice, serviceable body. It’s just that the external me – the sturdy, lightly wrinkled, handbagged me – does so little credit to the stuff that’s inside.”

— Zoë Heller, Notes on a Scandal

[icouldvebeenirish]

[icouldvebeenirish]