Random Blog of Randomness

4 cats, 1 dog, 2 kids, a snake, and a lot of blorbos. I was here before they banned nipples and I'm not leaving. Find me on AO3 as icybluepenguin

[icybluepenguin]

Icy's Master Posts of Fic Goodness

Astarion Fics

Loki Fics

AO3

[kitschmelange]

illustration from Brian Wildsmith's BIRDS (1967)

[mossbone]

"I have depression." - character who has been through extensive therapy.

"I feel dead inside all the time and nothing helps!" - character who does like, regular introspective thinking and is aware of the concept of mental health.

"Leave me the fuck alone I'll be fine once I get over my stupid shit." - repressed character.

"It's fine I'm just having an Empty Time. What? Yeah, empty times, you know, when everything is like bzzzzzz in your brain and you don't shower for two weeks. Why, what do you call it?" - ooooughhh now we're talkin

[ruffboi-mags]

#this post is a jillion times better than all the posts that complaina bout therapyspeak #this one SHOWS the relationship between characterization and conceptualization #of depression #as an example of that relationship in general (via @rubynye)

[teaspoonnebula]

I get in the dumps at times, and don’t open my mouth for days on end. You must not think I am sulky when I do that. Just let me alone, and I’ll soon be right.

- Sherlock Holmes in A Study in Scarlet

[icybluepenguin]

I don't know if I ever made a post about this.

In January we moved from the Seattle area to the Wellington area in New Zealand. We moved for a lot of reasons, the political landscape and the way the tech companies are treating their workers among them. It was a huge move, a massive life-changing move.

It's lovely here. The people are very nice, the area is more walkable, and the buses are good. The kids are doing great, the schools here fit their personalities/needs well. The seasons being flipped is messing with my brain (what do you mean it feels like Halloween time but it's was just Mother's Day??) The stars are different, the moon looks different. We live closer to the ocean now! The dog loves that. There's a nice fish&chips shop and bakery 10 minutes walk from our house. Supposedly you can see blue penguins on the other side of Wellington but we haven't gone yet. Lots of new stuff.

Feelings dump under the cut bc hey what's tumblr for if not unhinged feelings dumps?

I am really struggling. We moved for a lot of reasons but dammit, I loved where we were. We knew all our neighbors. We had a community. And now we're alone. We don't even have an emergency contact for the kids.

I desperately miss our house and street, and I can only get through the day by shoving all those feelings as far down as they will go. I want to cry all the time.

Everyone needs me for support, everyone needs me for coregulation bc we're a very neuro divergent family and I'm just on call for everyone's emotional needs. I am so so exhausted all the time and perimenopause is hitting so hard and I

I feel like I don't exist as a person, im only here to serve people. The last time I felt this much depersonalization I started a tumblr 🤣 the time zone shift (I'm a whole day ahead of all my friends now!) means I already have limited times I can chat with people but those are the times of day where I need to be doing things and if I have time I'm either too tired to talk or too depressed because I don't matter why would I talk. And so now I'm hideously lonely, which doesn't help the feeling like I'm a ghost in my own life.

It'll get better. I'll wake up one day and my first thought won't be about ending it. I told the kids thst this is a huge thing we did and it is traumatic to leave everything you know, even if we did it as positively and carefully as we could. It's okay to have shitty days and miss what we had, because we had something really special. I just wish I had the time and energy to tell myself that.

[sonandheirofnothinginparticular]

[thepleasuregoblin]

You see it's quite simple: if they call the earth Gaia, it's fantasy. If they call it Terra, that's sci-fi

[deletededed-direwolf]

If there's one vampire, it's horror. If there's 100+ and they have politics, it's urban fantasy.

[valtsv]

getting back in contact with people after a depressive episode is so wild because it's like hey sorry i dropped off the face of the earth and never responded to your attempts to reach out for months i was six feet deep in a grave of my own making when i suddenly realized i didn't want to die down there and had to claw my way to the surface inch by inch on my belly like a worm until i felt the sunlight on my face again. anyway how have you been? how are things? but you can't SAY that so you're just like. um. hi. do you still like me 👉👈

[sinensis26]

You all need to hear this:

1. You probably dont suck at your craft as much as you think you do, I bet a lot of people are amazed at what you can make, and

2. If you actually are the Literal Worst In The Whole Wide World at your craft... who the fuck cares? What are they gonna do, call the police on you? Keep making your shitty little things, youre the boss of you, fuck the haters.

[qcharlie]

i think being able to identify and deconstruct an irrational feeling should make it go away. i literally solved your riddle puzzle master can u let me OUT the damn TORTURE LABYRINTH

[lenoravale]

Hello again world.

Many, many (many) years ago, I found Tumblr. I found it while searching for more information about Tom Hiddleston and Loki…as I was on the verge of obsession. I stumbled upon the fandom here and spiraled into fan fiction….first consuming, then producing. I made lifelong friends and felt like I was a part of a community.

While I wrote my stories, I struggled in my personal life. I had been married for almost 20 years to an abusive husband, and was raising children, homeschooling, and in complete isolation. Tumblr was a lifeline that lifted me out of depression. The friends I met on here, along with loyal readers who bought my stories for their Kindles and Nooks finally gave me an avenue out. I saved the money I made, in secret, and used it to finance leaving my toxic marriage. Unfortunately, my then husband found my blog and screenshotted my posts…threatening to use them in court to illustrate that I shouldn’t have custody of my kids. So, I deleted my blog.

Almost immediately after deleting my account, thinking I had backed everything up, I slipped right back into depression. I tried to get the name back, but someone else had already swooped in and snagged it. I lost everything. I lost my 4k+ followers and friends. I hadn’t backed up all my stories like I had thought. I tried starting a new blog but it was too painful to start over…so I left.

I spent the next several years figuring my life out. I went from stay-at-home mom to working single mom. I went back to school. I did my best. Two of my children grew up and moved out. I was too busy with school, work, and life in general to write. Although I am proud of the progress I’ve made and the hurdles I have overcome, I still carry a hole in my heart where my writing once lived.

Here I am. I’m almost 50. My youngest just turned 17. I’m three weeks away from graduating with my masters. I work. Now, I’m writing again.

I have several stories that I’ve started…and I’d like to finish them. I don’t write fan fiction anymore, so I may not find an audience here…but that’s okay. I just want to write again.

So, this blog will contain a lot of things. It will showcase my obsession with cats, Sleep Token, stupid little crafts that make me happy, and occasional stories.

If you’re interested, please follow along. I can’t promise I’ll get back what I once had…but I’d at least like to have a place where I can once again be myself…and maybe make new friends.

Welcome to the shit show.

[icybluepenguin]

L OOOOOOOOO!!!! Hello again!! 🩵🩵🩵

A Masters?? That's awesome, congratulations!! I can't believe your youngest is 17 😯 (my oldest is almost 14 now and I can't believe it either.) We moved to New Zealand in January so my brain is a fucking mess these days but I WANT TO READ WHATEVER YOU'RE WRITING!

So good to see you 🩵🩵

[morallygreychaoticneutral]

Some people didn’t grow up in Mr. Rogers neighborhood and it shows.

[decomposedmaw]

[notpedeka]

@icybluepenguin why are we on the roof?

[icybluepenguin]

Good point. Join me on the roof?

[victusinveritas]

"In Pieces but Still Holding It Together." By Bouke de Vries (2020).

See more of his stuff here.

[mewintheflesh2]

Babe are you okay? you reblogged “In Pieces by Still Holding It Together” By Bouke de Vries for the five hundredth time today.

[lucytara]

anyway the actual point of fandom is to inspire each other. reading each other's fics and admiring each other's art and saying wow i love this and i feel something and i want to invoke this in other people, i want to write a sentence that feels like a meteor shower, i want to paint a kiss with such tenderness it makes you ache, i want to create something that someone else somewhere will see it and think oh, i need to do that too, right now. i am embracing being a corny cunt on main to say inspiring each other is one of the things humanity is best at and one of the things fandom is built for and i think that's beautiful

[arthistoryanimalia]

PenguinAwarenessDay tea party, anyone? 🐧☕️

ArtDeco 3-piece tea service (teapot, creamer, sugar bowl), penguin-form Indian, c.1920–1930 silver w/ Bakelite handle Museum of Fine Arts, Boston 2013.628.1,2,3

“This tea service, delightfully comprised of emperor penguins (endemic to Antarctica), bears the arms of Ganga Singh, Maharaja of Bikaner from 1888–1943, on the left wing of each piece. The royal arms includes the motto (in Hindi): ‘Victory to the King of the Desert.’ Ganga Singh was one of many Indian maharajas who developed a taste for Art Deco in the early 20th century. The modern lines of this tea service would not have been out of place in his palace, which also featured an Art Deco swimming pool.”

[podcastwizard]

affirmations for writers: i know how to write. i have seen sentences before, and i know how to make one. i can identify up to several words and their meanings. i am not afraid of semicolons.

[liebes-taumel]

Young Loki and Thor going on adventures