Ash

what does it mean to be alive

[identitystruggles]

The Imperfect Christmas Cut Out Cookie

•

I spill my thoughts out onto the lines of my journal

Yet the words I read are foreign

As though I’m editing my thoughts

Like the perfect cut out cookie on Christmas

Except I don’t feel like the perfect cookie

I feel more like the burnt one that doesn’t even get added to the “to be frosted” pile

I came to realize that there is beauty in this state

It’s almost like the chosen one

Because its the first cookie to get noticed

So I re read my spilled thoughts & start to read in between the lines

I go further, reading outside the lines

Understanding the context and complexity that accompanies my words

Understanding the internal emotion that possesses me to confess to my journal

The more I feel into this state, the more I come to know how I’ve gotten to the state of the burnt Christmas cut out cookie

[identitystruggles]

identity struggles// .01

I go back and forth between the questions “who am I” and “is the self even real”

Weaving in and out of a so called reality, I find my head is almost constantly in the clouds

I try to make sense of a self, but I’ve come to understand that the self is an a image

A mirror for others to see into

No matter how I dress my mirror up, others will only see what they need to be reflected back on them

This perception emanates from one individual to another

Each person acting as a mirror to the next

So I come back to the question of is the self even real and I still don’t know the answer

But I find a comfort in the unknown

I admit to myself the only certainty I need - within these questions vastness, there is the simplicity that I don’t need to know anything for certain.