A Special Kind of Heathen - Lams.
Alex stood in the doorway, watching as Eliza was carried off by a horse drawn carriage, she was gone for the summer to see her father. Philip Schuyler had been suffering from Mania, Alexander asked if she was thinking about putting him in a mental institution, she ended up breaking down into tears and said she'd never do such a thing.
As the carriage disappeared in the distance, Alexander made his way back into the home, closing the door behind him, for a second he stood there and looked around. It was like, for a second, his brain stopped at the absence of Eliza.
Alex let out a shaky sigh and went to his office, he grabbed a new sheet of paper and took the quill from the jar of ink, he put the tip to the paper and began to write effortlessly. He didn't stop for a few minutes, he wrote to John Laurens, he found himself absolutely enthralled with the man in recent months, he would have sinful dreams about kissing John and touching him.
They had a written relationship, a very private one, if Eliza were to find out that her husband had such a heart for another man he would be done for, everything he'd done in his life would crumble beneath him, people would walk the streets saying: "Alexander Hamilton, one of the great founding fathers! How could he fall for another man?"
He shivered at the thought, looking down at his letter and crumbling it up, he threw it among the other balls of paper, how could he risk it?
He left his office for the night, but that didn't stop his mind from thinking of John, he thought about the man's lips on his neck and his small, dark hands wandering down his naked torso. He sat down on the couch, slowly breathing as he undid his pants and pulled them down, then his underwear came down and he began to palm himself.
He felt sick, getting himself off on the thought of a man, there was no doubt in his mind that he was going to hell.
"John..." he whispered, letting his mind go rouge with sin as he sat on the couch, pleasuring himself to the thought of John. When he finished, he cleaned everything up, before going to bed.
God forgive him.