Rui

Memories and lies

[idiotmia-blog1]

First train ride after the kiss

I don’t remember how we made it to the train. We were kissing outside the bar, pushed to the wall. Maybe we ran. Second thing I remember is we are sitting in the train, and started kissing again. I was that horny after a long time and maybe for the first time. His kiss was magic. He tasted like sex, love, some exotic fruit from a kinky narnia. He smelt like sex. We were making out in the train. Hands all over. I was pulling him and pushing myself to his seat, but not close enough. I wanted him so badly I could do it in the dirty train toilet. I touched his dick. I never did that making out before. Nothing felt wrong any more. He was hard and all red. He touched me. He whispered, “we will definitely have sex very soon”...

[idiotmia-blog1]

Road to him

I am in a train from Tilburg to Rotterdam. One of many journeys to him. I am wearing black lace stockings with skirt. It is cold outside and i can feel it. They are clipons but they keep opening, I am trying to fix them without showing my ass to passengers. Wearing make up, stockings, skirt, all dressed up. I feel like a whore at the middle of the night like this in train. All i want is to see him. But these are his desires. 

I am walking in Rotterdam station. Going down the metro. This is the millionth time i am doing this walk, still my mouth dry, heart beating. Stockings are on my lower thighs now, i am afraid people can see them, so i check with my hands. In metro i text him -i am there in 10-

His building is huge, 20 something floors. It always intimidates me when i exit the metro and see that huge pile of concrete. Big entrance. I don’t have the key or the password, i ring the bell 3 times. 115F. I take the elevator, cant breathe any more. Almost there.

He opens the door, i cant see him, he is behind the door. He never shows himself. I dont know what he is afraid of. I enter. He holds my waist and pulls me. Before i can see him, we are kissing. I know it is him from the taste of his pushing tongue. His mouth is warm. I can feel his whole chest. So warm. He smells like shaving cream, sweat and sex. He tells me he masturbated all day. I dont know why. But he is horny for me. He slides his hands over my thighs, checks stockings, comes to my ass. I am not wearing any underwear. His orders. I am not stressed any more. It is all him now, all over me, only him. He pulls me to the bedroom...

[idiotmia-blog1]

Instants

I don’t want to start from the beginning or the end. We have neither. We don’t have photos, shared memories with friends, facebook posts, holidays. Everything I write will be based on moments of him in my mind, little pieces of conversations, images, feelings. 

.................

I am at the train station. Someone is waiting me at home, but I want to go to him. I can’t stop thinking about him and i desperately need his touch. I got off my train, but I am not leaving the station. I call him. He picks up. He says he is at home, i ask if he wants to meet. He says he is chilling and watching races. I don’t know what to say. We talk a bit more and hang up. I still can’t leave the station. I still have hope to meet. I sit in the waiting area, while everybody walks around me. We start texting. I ask why we can’t meet. I am furious. We have little time to meet and I will go to his city. He doesn’t invite me. I stay there texting him for an hour. Finally, i get up and take the bus. He texts me, he never said i can’t go and chill with him...

[idiotmia-blog1]

Purpose

I have to write or i will die. This feeling of emptiness will suck me in and I will explode inside my skin. I want to write everything. Like bleeding a poison out of blood, i want to take him out by words. I will write until nothing is left in my memories or imagination that is his. I will fuck until his touch is out of my skin. I won’t die with a part of him still within me.