Some Nerd

22 | something is definitely wrong | she/they

[idksomethingblue]

“what’s your star sign???”

“astrology shows us how you align with your partner”

bro my favorite pokemon is squirtle and my partner’s favorite is charmander. by this logic we are star-crossed lovers, doomed from the making.

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i think i love pokopia more than i love my long term partner and i don’t think i can break that news to them. unrelated does anyone know if they make squirtle bedsheets…

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literally had to go to the emergency room today… what’s the cause of my declining health? NO. COMMUNITY. MOVIE.

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I have a whole ass degree now and there’s still no movie so i’m going to make this EVERYONES problem.

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i mentioned to my partner that I watched the latest episode of TADC, the show i introduced him to, without him, and you would’ve thought i kicked his little elderly white dog. you would’ve thought i judas’ed him. I am NOT Brutus to his Caesar.

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anyways how do i tell my long term partner of 1.5 years my deep rooted love of troy and abed and my extensive tumblr history dedicated to troy and abed.

i fear they are aware of my hobbies alas my love for autistic fictional men in a homoerotic relationship disguised as close friendship has yet to be a point of conversation.

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holidays are so weird because your family will ask you about how life is going and sometimes if they care, what you’ve been up to and I can’t talk about the Caine and Abel pipeline of TADC, or the triple negative breast cancer cell research i’m completing or show them my new lego set because then i just get called “special”.

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troy and abed’s new apartment (nice) (but it’s me in my new apartment)

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Only good thing my ex gave me was an introduction to Scott Pilgrim. I love Ramona Flowers more than anything on this earth and nothing can take that away from me.

Hoping this man doesn’t remember my tumblr account, but if you’re seeing this, I hope you wipe out on your new roller blades <3

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Guys with movies such as Episodes 7-9, the Acolyte really isn’t THAT bad. Obviously nothing will ever compare to the original works of George Lucas but I can’t complain about it so far (SO FAR, I’ve only seen episodes 1 & 2)

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Star Wars Hot Take: I kind of like The Acolyte?

[burntoutstemkid]

hey so fellow biomedical engineers, does it get easier? (asking as a incoming junior)

and let me rephrase the word easier, I mean does the academic imposter syndrome get any better. currently battling the whole “well there’s more women in biomed than other engineering professions” or “it’s not real engineering” pressure.

I go to a tech-heavy school, and am starting to succumb to the external and internal pressure, any words of encouragement/advice would be awesome :)

[polycyclic-aromatic-homocarbon]

I’m not in biomed or in any engineering but I am in STEM and have some advice that might be helpful.

The idea that any field is “real” or “better” or “more prestigious” or whatever is completely fabricated and, if you’ll pardon my French, fucking stupid. It also has consistently been used just as a way to put down women. Biology is one of the best examples of this. For literally all of its existence, biology has been a very highly respected field and considered a difficult, “real” field of science. More recently, women have become much more represented in biology and related fields and now it’s teetering on the edge of being a “soft science” (whatever the fuck that means) like psychology. Nothing has changed, biology is not any less relevant today than it was fifty years ago. Actually things HAVE changed; specifically biology is MORE difficult today than it used to be because our understanding of biology has vastly improved and with that comes more complexity to the field. There is no concrete reason for biology to be valued less than engineering, it is exclusively because engineering remains much more male dominated and men constantly need to come up with new ways to protect their fragile little egos from women accomplishing things.

I think it’s also helpful to remember that no matter what field you’re in, STEM or otherwise, the reason some fields proportionally have more women than others has so much more to do with social conditioning and the fact that women have had to fight to study in ANY field than anything else. I’m sure there are some other factors but none of them are “this field is just easier and less prestigious.” It’s not “well I’m in a field with more women because it’s a ‘lesser’ field or I’m a ‘diversity inclusion’,” it’s “after literally centuries of total exclusion from academia, finally, I’m one of the women helping to affirm our right to learn, study, research, teach, and advance academia, and shame on any field that continues to push women out.”

Another thing that I think has helped me with impostor syndrome more generally is to remember that you receive an education to learn, not because you’re already an expert. You’re not supposed to sit through every class already knowing exactly what’s going on; what would be the point of that? It’s ok if you feel confused or if your classmates seem to be doing better or if you feel like you’re just treading water and have no idea what’s going on. That’s why you’re a student. Your right to be in your program is not contingent on what you already know. You have a right to be there because you have a right to learn and you deserve to be there because you’ve demonstrated that you can learn. That’s it. That is the only prerequisite. You were never, are not, and never will be undeserving of being in engineering or any other program because you deserve to learn about something that interests you regardless of how good you are at it, how difficult it supposedly is, or literally any other factor.

As a final note, a degree is meaningless for everything other than showing what knowledge and skills you have. The ONLY thing an engineering degree means is that you spent however many years learning about engineering and practicing certain related skills and this only matters for your own sense of accomplishment, your employability, and what topics you might be able to discuss with people who have learned similar things. The same is true of an English degree and a political science degree and an astrophysics degree. There is no moral weight attached to any of these degrees and there is no material reason for one to be more prestigious than another. A degree isn’t better because it’s harder, it’s just harder (and difficulty is also subjective). So if you’re looking at biomed engineering and comparing to other “real” types of engineering, remember that the only actual difference between them is what you specialized in. Anyone who tells you your degree makes you less of an engineer than someone else is just wrong. This is one of those things that often takes time to properly internalize but truthfully, no degree is better than any other. They’re just different.

I hope this was somewhat helpful. Again, being in a different program, I’m not sure what specific things you might be dealing with but just in general, I’ve found what has helped me most is getting rid of the idea that degrees can be “better” than others and that I have to “earn” the right to learn, as well as remembering that a greater proportion of women in a particular field is a credit to that field and ESPECIALLY the women who fought to be there, not a sign that the field is somehow easier. This is all also much easier said than done, it takes time to internalize especially if the culture at your school heavily values other engineering fields over biomed, but it’s done a lot for me.

Also to my knowledge, biomed is an INCREDIBLY valuable field, like I think medicine right now is really trying to take advantage of advancements in technology to improve surgical techniques, diagnostics, therapeutics, life support systems, and literally every other technical aspect of medicine. I can’t fathom how someone would view that as “not real engineering.”

[idksomethingblue]

I just want you to know this made me well up with tears. Thank you so much for your kind words. I faced several personal set backs this past semester where my main objective was just to pass my classes and over the summer once I mustered the mental energy, to re-teach myself the content I felt I was lacking in, but for the time being I felt very misplaced and not worthy of my place in academia. Your words about women in biology gave me so much comfort, because the majority of my friends at campus are not within my major and are in majors that stereotypically are male-dominated, so I feel my feelings have fallen on deaf ears when I talk about my feelings within the life sciences or I am told “at least your path respects women”. I’m sure you might be able to relate, but I experienced this a lot when I was treated poorly by my project members in lab groups who were male but placed the work onto me and felt comfortable crediting themselves for my work, leading me to spend an entire semester constantly having to advocate for myself. I was fortunate my lab professors were beyond amazing, and women as well, so my struggles never fell on deaf ears, but it was definitely difficult talking to my friends about these struggles because I was told my feelings were nothing compared to theirs.

I attend an engineer-heavy college where my engineering classes for my major differ slightly than those people in electrical, civil, mechanical, etc would take for introduction classes, and my major has been the butt of the joke for taking the ‘easy’ route. Along with this, many Biomedical Engineering safe spaces or organizations are male-led, and it can be difficult finding my way. My freshman year I struggled greatly with the pressure of not feeling like a real engineer when people around me told me I should be doing mechanical engineering with a focus on biology, including my family when this was something I had dreamed of pursuing.

I’m so fortunate to go to school where I am, as I set this out to be my goal over a decade ago, but with the mix of personal hardships I’ve experienced my first two years of college mixed in with of course academic and professional life, I definitely was left feeling unsure of my place. I reached a point where I convinced myself I didn’t belong where I was and that crushed me. Thank you so much for the kind words you took the time to leave a total stranger, I will definitely be returning to this when I need that reassurance.

I wish you well with your studies!

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who in their right mind would want romeo and juliet when you could have whatever these two got

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guys i need to find love in a hopeless place (the theater watching the Community movie)

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so… Watcher/Try Guy fans, how are you feeling with this fucking roller coaster of a ride you’ve been put on?

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So…. who wants to talk about the Watcher Whiplash™️ we’ve experienced recently?

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so uh when is this Community movie coming out because I need some serotonin pls

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literally had to go to the emergency room today… what’s the cause of my declining health? NO. COMMUNITY. MOVIE.