maybe i don’t quite know what to say
hello vonnie

祝日 / Permanent Vacation

if i look back, i am lost
YOU ARE THE REASON
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⁂
Sade Olutola
dirt enthusiast

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@idksry
maybe i don’t quite know what to say
i see jokes all the time about “he looks up grinning like a devil” like where was he looking up from taylor ??? but for real. listen. he was looking up at her through the rear view mirror because she was “drunk in the back of the car” !!!!
peace asks “the rain is always gonna come when you’re standing with me - would it be enough if i could never give you peace?” and you’re on your own kid answers, “my rain is enough, my peacelessness is enough, i am more than enough for me and i will never leave myself for stiller waters”
like midnights really is about learning to stand by yourself when you’re looking back at your life and seeing all the people who have left.
mastermind as the final track is like “i needed warmth so i became fire. i am uncontrollable. bask in it” and dear reader as the final track is like “i have burned everything i love. i am uncontrollable. why are you looking at me in awe?”
that is to say. mastermind is like i lit the match :) and dear reader is like oh god i lit the match?!?!??
& saw t Swift in july 😭 music is getting me by, day by day
I feel you, no matter what
Taylor Swift (featuring Phoebe Bridgers) - Nothing New // boygenius (Lucy Dacus, Phoebe Bridgers, and Julien Baker) - We’re In Love
― Anne Sexton, Anne Sexton: A Self-Portrait in Letters
it’s 3am and i swear i loved you
Big god // Florence + the machine
— Little Weirds, Jenny Slate
[text ID: I’m tired of looking for a place in another.]
“Human relationships are strange. I mean, you are with one person a while, eating and sleeping and living with them, loving them, talking to them, going places together, and then it stops”
— Charles Bukowski
#charlesbukowski
— Seventh circle of Earth, Ocean Vuong
[text ID: As if my finger, / tracing your collarbone / behind closed doors, / was enough / to erase myself. To forget / we built this house knowing / it won’t last. How / does anyone stop / regret / without cutting / off his hands?]
Saskatoon Daily Star, Saskatchewan, November 4, 1918
— Anne Carson, Wonderwater
Angels of the Get-Through
by Andrea Gibson
This year is the the hardest of your whole life. so hard you cannot see a future, most days. The pain is bigger than anything else. Takes up the whole horizon, no matter where you are. You feel unsafe, you feel unsaved. Your past so present you can feel your baby teeth. Sitting on the couch, you swear your feet don’t reach the floor. You keep remembering the first time you saw a bird’s nest Held together by an old shoe lace and scraps of a plastic bag You knew the home of a person could be built like that A lot of things you’d rather throw away You keep worrying you’re taking up too much space. I wish you’d let yourself be the Milky Way Remember when I told you I was gonna become a full-time poet And you paid my rent for three years? Best Friend, Angel of the get-through. All living is storm chasing. Every good heart has lost its roof. Let all the walls collapse at your feet, Scream “timber” when they ask you how you are. “Fine” is the suckiest word. It is the opposite of HERE Here is the only place left on the map Here is where you learn laughter can go extinct and come back I am already building a museum For every treasure you unearth in the rock bottom Holy vulnerable cliff God mason, heart heavier than all the bricks Say this is what the pain made of you An open, open, open road An avalanche of feel it all Don’t ever let anyone tell you, you are too much Or it has been too long Whatever keeps a stutterer from stuttering when he sings a song, you are made of that thing That unbreakable note That photograph of you at five years old, the year you ran away from school, because you wanted to go home. You are almost there. You are the same compass you have always been You are the same friend who never left my side during my worst year You caught every tantrum I threw with your bare hands chucked it back at that blood moon said “it’s okay, everyone’s survival looks a little bit like death sometimes” I wrote a poem called “Say Yes” while I was cursing your name For not letting me go. Best friend, this is what we do. We gather each other up. We say, the cup is half yours and half mine. We say alone is the last place you will ever be. We say tonight let’s just stay inside reading Pema Chodron while everyone else is out on the town Pema will say, “only to the degree we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found” You’ll say Pema is so wise. And I’ll say yes she is, and we are too.
Angels of the get-through. We are too.
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🤍☁️