I would call this one: The Fairy Odd Curse
Ok OMG, I want a crack fic where itâs Voldemort who dies and wakes up to like a messed up fairy tale world. And like heâs the prince to Harryâs princess. So his hell is pretty much having to save Harry over and bloody over again. Sometimes he gets magic sometimes he doesnât.
Itâs great because heâs fucking Voldemort so obviously he didnât read a lot of fairy tales as a kid and therefore has to stumble through most of them blindly. (BTW THIS COULD BE A SNARRY TOO *hint hint*)
Once upon a time, there were two souls connected by fate. An unfortunate connection really. One that could only end with the death of the other. But as a rather barmy old wizard once said, death is just the next great adventure.
Lord Voldemort wakes up in a field. Itâs a very nice field all things considered. Soft green grass, daisies, the smell of fresh mildew. The Dark Lord blinks. Huh.
There was a lot of places he was sure he would go, but he was fairly positive heaven was not one of them.
He lifts himself up from where he had been lying and he realizes with a start that these were not the clothes he had been wearing in his death. They were certainly not the sort of clothes he would have wished to wear in the afterlife either, or any life really. Poofy sleeves, and gauche colors lines with gold. He looked like one of those outdated cartoon pictures of a prince.
Tentatively he mapped out his face with his hands, his normal skin colored healthy looking hands. He sighs a little in relief. Fuck, if there was one thing he had really regretted as Voldemort, it was that extra step that made him lose his nose in the process. And also his looks but he wasnât that vain. It was just⌠nose.
Voldemort stares quietly at the rolling green hills, his body come to think of it, isnât the only thing thatâs reverted back to its prime. His mind too feels⌠clearer. Sharper.
So the first story is Harry Potter and the Seven Weasleys. Lucius is the wicked stepmother and yes, Harry is fucking Snow White. Skin as white as snow, hair as black as coal and eyes as green as a killing curse.
âNo.â Voldemort backed away from the sleeping young man. He looked at the hopeful and worried expressions of seven redheads with freckled faces. âNo.â He repeated firmly. Some of the tiny Weasleys began sobbing. As if he cared about these blood traitorsâ piddly arse feelings.
âOy, you gotta your highness.â The youngest boy scowls, âOnly true loveâs kiss can save Harry now.â
He totally ends up kissing Harry. Itâs super reluctant. As is the feelings that tingled in his chest when he does so. Harry opens his eyes and smiles, clearly doesnât recognize who Voldemort/Riddle is. Voldemort gets kissed by Harry, he doesnât know why he allows it. He brings Harry back to his kingdom but the moment he steps into the castle grounds the world shifts again and he ends up in another fairytale universe. Rinse and repeat.
- The Little Mermaid. Harryâs the little mermaid, Barty Crouch is the evil octopus one since like Polyjuice and such similarities, Flounder is Ron, Sebastian is Hermione cause Sebastian fucking has common sense. Dumbledore would be King Triton.
Prince Tom grits his teeth as this so-called Hariel fails to even understand the simple concept of a fork. He lives under the sea, not under a rock, the idea of spearing something down in a hunt should be something the younger man should be familiar enough with. How in Merlin would they be able to eat otherwise?Â
Even worse, heâs mute for some reason. Fuck. How does this story end again, for the life of the prince he just could not remember.
- Beauty and the beast- self-explanatory right? All of the talking furniture are Death Eaters. Though omg Lucius would be the candlestick and Severus would be Cogsworth and they all are pretty scared of him because Voldemort can do crucio and other spells. Voldemort at that time was pissed because he realized this cycle was probably not going to end anytime soon. LOCKHART IS GASTON.
âArenât you supposed to be interested in the library?â The Beast hisses grumpily. He hates this story. He hates it all the more because apparently, the world has seen fit to give him his previous snake-like appearance rather than go classic. His nose is gone again. Fuck, he hates everything.
Harry stares at the man incredulously, âYour brooms can fly.â He says slowly like Beast was the idiot. If The Beast wasnât so fearful of the consequences, he would kill Potter right then and there. âWhy would I immerse myself in books when I could bloody fly?!â
- Alice in Wonderland, with Tom being Alice, Walburga Black as the Queen of Hearts, Harry being the Mad Hatter or the White Rabbit. I donât know I donât remember how this movie went. But I know Tom would be infuriated.
- Peter Pan, but this time Harry is Peter, Ginny is Tinkerbell and Tom is Wendy. Wendyâs brothers can be Lucius and Malfoy I guess, I donât know, maybe Tom just ditches the brothers. Snape is Captain Hook.
âWant to check out the mermaids?â Potter Pan asks with a friendly smile.
Tom shudders. âNo.â He answers firmly. âNo more mermaids for at least five more lifetimes.â
Potter Pan quirks a confused but bemused grin, âYouâre strange. I like that.â
- Mary Poppins where Harry is Harry Pottins. Tom would be the single father of Lucius and Snape. Tom tries to avoid Harry this time but ends up being sucked in to their misadventures despite himself. He also gets insanely annoyed at Sirius the chimney sweep for some reason.
- Enchanted. The prince is Lucius, Harryâs romantic but cynical best friend is Narcissa. Tomâs just grumpy at this point but fairly resigned. Doesnât even care that heâs a muggle in this one.
- Harry is Rapunzel (Harunzel) and Dumbledore is Mother Gothel and itâs the Tangled version where the horse is Draco Malfoy and the chameleon is Ron. Itâs the most Harry-esque character so far so Tom feels a little more heartened.
And then one day, as he makes his way again to save Harry from a tower for what felt like the hundredth time, Harry pops his head out of the open window, looks at him confusedly and says, âRiddle? What the fuck. Is this hell? It feels like hell.â And Tom almost cries because finally Harry has died and heâs no longer alone in this cruel and unusual torture.
âHuh,â Tomcules mused as he looked at the monster he had defeated in a single hit. âI think Iâm warming up to this one.â
âYou would.â Megarry rolled his eyes before muttering under his breath, âAt least everyone here is wearing a dress, not just me.â
âWhat?â Harrihontas demanded, âCome on, say it, I know I certainly feel racist just looking at me.â
Captain Tom Smith shook his head, âNot that, itâs just,â He hesitated, âI forgot how well suited tanned skin looks on you.â
Harrihontas blinks, green eyes, itâs always green eyes, bright as the killing curse, light up in surprise. âOh, thanks.â
They shuffle a bit, a little awkward before Hermione the hummingbird chirps impatiently. The green-eyed native of this unknown land claps his hands and grins as he grabs Tomâs arm, pulling him somewhere, âWell, I say we know each other well enough, now why donât I show you the colors of the wind?â
+ The Nightmare before Christmas
âOkay, THIS, THIS RIGHT HERE IS THE MOST INAPPROPRIATE ONE EVER,â Harry screamed.
âCalm the fuck down Potter,â Tom tells him calmly as he watches the citizens of Halloween town sing the Halloween song. Heâs not going to admit it out loud, lest Harry murder him or stuff someone elseâs eyeballs into his empty sockets, but this world was rather fascinating. Plus, he was the best dressed heâs been in a long while. âYouâll tear out those pretty stitches of yours.â
Where Tom is Chang, Harry is essentially Mulan except obviously the whole crossdressing thing isnât happening. But, letâs be honest, everything wouldâve pretty much happened regardless if Mulan got found out about her gender in the movie so whatever.
âNow this is fun!â Huran whooped as he kicked a hun off the tower.
Tang grunted as he sliced open another enemy, this was admittedly incredibly therapeutic. If only Dumbledore wasnât the emperor though.
+ Aladdin is Tom, Jasmine is Harry, Hedwig is the fucking tiger, Snape is Jafar, Fudge is the Sultan and the twins are the Genies of the lamp. Because seeing Tom interact with the twins would probs be gold.
THEN THERE ARE MARVEL MOVIES WHICH ARE TECHNICALLY DISNEY
âHow the fuck is this Disney?!â Tommy Riddle snarled as Harry stuck his hand into the hole in his chest.
Harry shuddered, the unforgiving metal and wires around his limb were warm, âMaybe they bought out another film company? You know, one about⌠uh⌠Iâm sorry, am I doing this right?â
The billionaire waved his hand irritatedly, âYouâre doing fine Potts, I, the man who just spent a decent time being tortured by terrorists, am not.â Tom slung his arm over his face. Harry would say heâs being dramatic again but he is sticking his fist into the guyâs chest so. âI cannot believe Iâm missing those out of the blue musical numbers right now.â
âI did like the magic carpet ride.â Harry mused thoughtfully. Tom just groaned.
âI just, canât we have one where weâre wizards again? One. Just one. Iâve given up on being a dark lord, hell, I think muggles are fairly alright now! Just let me be a wizard again.â
Harry pats the older man sympathetically, with the hand not in his chest, of course, that wouldâve been weird otherwise. âHey,â He says reassuringly, âWe were in the Chinese army, I was once apparently a mermaid and you had a mansion filled with people we knew in the form of talking furniture. Iâm sure weâll eventually be wizards again.â
âLetâs bloody hope so.â
âHey, youâre going to learn magic again.â Harry tries.
âTHIS WASNâT WHAT I HAD IN MIND.â Dr. Riddle snarls as his hands shook harder than an earth tremor with a 9.5 magnitude. âFUCK. MY HANDS.â
So by then, Tomâs already like, half in love with Harry because of his previous princesses selvesâ Â bravery and loyalty and surprising cunning but having the real Harry by his side is what eventually really seals the deal with him.
And so they do more Disney and even not so Disney adventures where sometimes theyâll play along or go out of their way to screw the whole movie over (mainly Tom who likes when Harry complains about ruining what little childhood he had left) until they both realise theyâre stupidly in love with each other, confess it, kiss and break the curse. Cuz like, true love, bitch.
âWeâre free, weâre finally free,â Tom says bewilderedly. Theyâre in the Forbidden Forest, he knows this. It haunts his dreams as well as his nightmares enough times. But that doesnât matter as he watches Harry throw his head back and laugh freely, none of that tinkling bell sounds either, a proper young manâs laugh. Low and throaty and gorgeous.
The former Dark Lord, hero, prince, ogre, prince again and a hundred times more plus a billionaire playboy philanthropist and even the Sorcerer Supreme, felt himself smiling. His smile widens as Harry catches his expression and returns it toothily.
âItâs about bloody goddamn time,â Harry agrees, âWhat now Tom? Or is it Voldemort again?â
Tom waved off the last bit, âJust Tom, I think Iâve had enough fancy names to last a lifetime or thirty.â If anything, the younger manâs expression brightened at that, pleased at the answer.
âOkay Tom, whatâs next for us?â
âOh Harry, you idiot. Donât you read fairytales?â The former Boy Who Lived, damsel in distress, princess, secretary, doctor and more, opened his mouth in protest. Unfortunately, or fortunately, nothing came out as Tom Marvolo Riddle leans in and kisses Harry James Potter. Itâs not too steamy, not too chaste, something just right. A kiss fit for a princess you could say.
âNow,â Tom smiled against the kiss, âWe have our happily ever after.â
Harry laughed delightedly again.
Once upon a time, there were two souls connected by fate. Separated by death. And resurrected by love. This is their story.
