She was a rare one, the kind of girl with a big heart. The kind that loved to love. She’s not your typical girl. Any other one would’ve given up on you and all the ridiculousness so much earlier. It will be a slow and gradual slip until she’s left with no choice but leave. There will be a moment when it finally clicks and she’s had enough.
She’ll get tired of waiting for you to figure it all out. She’ll get fed up with giving 100% and only getting a fraction of that back. There will be a time when love no longer will be enough.
This is when you’re going to start realizing she loved you more than anything. That she was the only girl who’d put up with so much of your crap.
You’re going to miss her.
You’re going to miss the way she smiled. She wasn’t always a big fan of it but god that girl’s smile could light up a room. You’ll miss how you would look over at her and when she saw you her lips instantly formed that grin and you couldn’t help but smile back. She smiled at you for no reason because she loved you and looking at you. Now you look around and there isn’t anyone smiling at you.
You’ll see that the one person you could always turn to when your day was rough is gone.
You could call text or show up at any moment and she would always be there for you. She didn’t want it to come to this. She wants to be there for you, she wants to be a shoulder when you need it and your voice of reckoning when you can’t find it.
Late at night, you’ll roll over and where she used to lie, where you used to wrap your arm around her and pull her close will be a cold empty space. A bed that used to seem so small will suddenly become so large.
Her absence will begin to drive you crazy.
It’s that same silence she received from you. You probably at the time didn’t realize that she started most of the conversations; she sat inches away from you on the couch and waited patiently for you to put down your phone. She never complained, never got angry she just kept it inside. You’ll wish you had noticed sooner.
You wish you’d noticed that she felt like she wasn’t a priority in your life. You’ll wish you had sent more texts, just let her know you were thinking about her. You’ll wish you stopped checking your phone and paid a little bit more attention to her. If you had, you would’ve noticed her slipping away.
If you think about it, her texts started to become shorter and shorter. She stopped texting you first thing in the morning, stopped asking you how your day was, she stopped putting herself out there. She hoped you would have caught on and picked up the slack, but you didn’t.
You lost her slowly, not all at once….but you didn’t even notice.
You’ll miss the ease of things. She made everything easy, she didn’t play games, she didn’t treat you terribly and she went above and beyond to make you happy. She was everything you wanted and everything you needed and didn’t even know it. You stopped being everything she needed. You pushed her to the point that you became everything she didn’t want. You’re going to miss the little quirks that made her who she was. You’ll catch yourself saying words and phrases that she’d say that used to annoy you but now makes your chest tighten in angst. You’ll go to places that have memories imprinted in them and they’ll replay in your mind each time you walk in.
Your phone will buzz and you’ll hope it’s her.
You’ll hope she caves, gives in because she’s always been there for you. You’d kill for the chance to reel her back in and for everything will go back to normal but she won’t take the bait. She loves you still but she can’t handle it anymore and she has to keep herself guarded and away from you.
One day you’ll go out and you’ll see her across the room, either by herself, with friends or perhaps a new guy. Jealousy, remorse, sorrow, and every other feeling imaginable will flood over you.
When she looks your way, pay attention to her eyes— there will be a mixture of feelings. Memories of the two of you and the love she had for you but then she’ll look away. Heartache is going to sink in, and you’ll be the only person you can blame.
She’ll be gone and you’ll be left to stand there, watching her be happy and wonder why you let her go. She made it look so easy, seeing you and moving forward but what you don’t understand is seeing you crushed her a little bit as well. Moving on meant forgetting you, it meant learning to love someone new and it meant comparing everyone to you.
