Cheese

what am i doing with my life

[memories-of-ancients]

Drinking horn with gilded copper mounts, Europe, 15th century

from The Hunt Museum, Limerick

[tarvek-sturmvoraus]

[localxenospores]

i was compelled

[beastoftheblackhole]

I was also compelled

[the-eternal-captain-harlock]

The Flag of Freedom: What Does Captain Harlock Fight For?

‘’Under my Flag, I live in Freedom…”

- Captain Harlock

Freedom. This is another theme that runs prominent throughout the anime of Captain Harlock. It is something that means a great deal to Harlock, yet he himself has never offered (as far as I know) a full fleshed-out definition of what exactly freedom means to him as a person. Because Harlock has no explicit religious/political affiliations and is a not a member of any kind of union or organization (save his two ill-fated stints as a Solar Federation Captain at the beginning of the Arcadia of My Youth film and as a Gaia Defense Legion Captain in the new CG-I Space Pirate film) and has never expressed a desire to be a part of any official man-made social construct of any kind, either as a citizen or a ruler, finding out what motivates him and drives him is quite difficult. Anyone with a passing familiarity with Harlock knows that that Harlock’s flag, fluttering defiantly in the non-existent breeze of space, is that classic pirate Jolly Roger flag of yore. After all, if Harlock is a space-pirate, than logic dictates that it serves to reason that he should fly a pirates’ flag. Simple enough – but with Harlock, it is not so simple as that. Nothing is.

 To Harlock, his Jolly Roger flag is not just the archetypical banner of a pirate, it is his ‘Flag of Freedom’, a symbol of his independence, something that means far more to him then he’s willing to tell. Whenever he invites anyone to join the Arcadia’s crew, he points to his flag and asks the would-be recruit(s) if they promise to fight and die under this Flag of Freedom and for whatever is in their hearts that motivates them. Harlock is not interested in oaths of fealty directed at himself, nor of receiving personal recognition. Yes, he is the Captain, that is indisputable, but he gives as few orders as possible and when not commanding his men to shoot down/ram any human or alien spaceships that get in his way, he lets his crew do whatever they want – so they brawl and drink and play games and sleep in the Arcadia’s corridors, yet still remain dependable crew-members. And if they get bored/tired/freaked-out or disillusioned with life on-board the Arcadia, they are free to leave whenever they choose to (which they hardly ever do). Harlock will not stop them. Those who fight for freedom must to so of their own free will. Harlock never drags anyone onto his ship by force, nor does he forcibly keep them there. Either one is invited to board the Arcadia by Harlock himself, or one has sneaked aboard in order to sabotage the ship and/or kill Harlock. Taking hostages and demanding ransoms are acts quite foreign to this pirate. Because Harlock wants to surround himself (temporarily, at least) with like-minded people, individual responsibility and freedom, coming from the heart, is a big deal for him. ‘’I won’t let anyone on my ship who has no [sense of] purpose.’’ he tells an angry boy in Endless Orbit SSX who wants to board the Arcadia. Sometimes he lets people onto his ship out of charity, hoping they will mature over time, while others seek him out deliberately, usually out of desperation; others he himself rescues. Yet he never attempts to dominate or control their lives; he never gets in the way of their freedom (except when they are doing/about to do something rash or foolish or something that endangers everyone else). Only those who genuinely understand what freedom is can truly fight for it.

 But again, what exactly does freedom mean to Harlock? What is the point of being free? It is so he can do whatever he wants? Much of the answer lies in the state of the world/universe at any given point in any of Harlock’s anime stories. Harlock desires and fights for his freedom because, sadly, the bulk of humanity are slaves. They are enslaved either by aliens who have conquered the Earth or by hedonistic lifestyles that have rendered them incapable of truly living lives that are valiant and courageous. The Sea of Stars means nothing to them – only eating and drinking and golfing and watching stupid cartoons and horse-races. This makes them prime targets for alien invasions and only Harlock has the guts to protest/do anything about it. And he is subsequently hated by both his fellow humans and the aliens for it. As for Harlock doing whatever he wants, that is indeed a scary notion that keeps the alien and human occupants of the universe on their toes and forever riding his ass, because if Harlock ever decided to go full-blown tyrannic pirate on them, their collective goose is cooked. Harlock could easily assassinate Earth’s pathetic rulers and raze entire cities to the ground (yes, the Arcadia has that much firepower) yet that is something he chooses not to do (although he does enjoy reminding them that he can, if he wants to). That is not what he sees freedom for. Harlock is a man who has a strong sense of honor and is himself a very disciplined person. He retains a high degree of self-control, and cannot be manipulated easily by his emotions or passions. He is indifferent to woman, power and materiel wealth, or anything that might bog him down or distract him from his goals. For him, freedom does not meaning doing whatever one wants (although that option is always tantalizingly available), it means maintaining one’s convictions and one’s desire for better standards in a world where they have become almost nonexistent. Free-will is a big issue with him. Harlock hates doing things out of obligation; he helps others because he wants to, not because its written down as a law in a Captain’s-manual somewhere. He also hates being told what to do, and, subconsciously following the ‘do unto others’ rule, he himself tries to tell others what to do as little as possible.

 Subsequently, Harlock has little patience or respect for authority figures of any kind, especially when they show themselves to be dishonorable douche-bags; but if Harlock ever encounters anyone, even if they declare themselves to be his enemy, who possesses a fighting spirit and integrity, he has great respect for them, and may even try to win them over to his cause or a least show them that he poses no threat (being stylized as a space-pirate often makes this difficult, since most space-pirates are viewed as a cowardly, dishonorable lot). But Harlock’s desire for freedom takes on another integrating aspect: because he treasures his own freedom, he tries as little as possible to impede upon the freedom of others. Often his attempts to advise or aid other people are met with scorn and mistrust; he is often told to leave and not interfere with their struggles and battles, even when it is obvious that they could use his help.  Harlock, however, rarely argues the point; he stoically hides whatever feelings of frustration or sadness he has as a result of their rejection, and simply leaves. The freedom of others to make their own choices is just as important as his own freedom; it is only when others use their freedom to try and kill and/or dominate Harlock or those he loves that things turn ugly.

 In one version of Harlock’s history (and my own personal favorite – the classic 80’s Arcadia of My Youth/Endless-Orbit SSX movie/series) Harlock’s giant Jolly Roger flag is made by Harlock’s wife/sweetheart Maaya (or Maya) prior to her untimely, tragic death in his arms. After Harlock commits her body to the Sea of Stars and vows to never stop fighting, he leaves Earth for good, searching for the mythical ‘Planet of Peace’ – the true Arcadia. Along the way he is accosted and attacked time and time again by the vengeful Mr. Fayodor Zone, a bitter space battleship engineer who seeks to kill Harlock after Harlock’s displeasure at his flawed battleship design caused him to be fired from his job. After much toil and hardship, both Harlock and Mr. Zone are admitted into the realm of Arcadia by the Queen of Arcadia, who seeks to test their hearts and see which one of them is true. As Harlock kneels before the Queen (the only time we ever see him adopt a submissive posture before anyone), Mr. Zone uses the moment to slander Harlock in a vicious verbal slap-down, using Harlock’s pirate flag as proof of his accusations:

Mr. Zone to Harlock: ”You want to find Arcadia, build your own country there, and then plot to conquer all of space, right?!”

Harlock: ”No!”

Mr. Zone:  “Enough of your excuses! The pirate’s flag hoisted above your ship is clear evidence! You are a damned outlaw of the seas of space…an outlaw of bloodshed and genocide! Hell is defiantly where your Arcadia is!”

At this point, it is the youthful Tadashi Monono who confronts Zone, saying what Harlock himself will not, or cannot say:

Tadashi Monono to Mr. Zone: ”Stop talking nonsense! You don’t know anything about the Captain! That flag is proof that we fight for justice, even if we all turn into bones! As proof, Mr. Tochiro cast aside his own life in order to show the Arcadia the way! If he was just a mere outlaw, there’s no way he could do such a thing. Would he sacrifice his own life for others? Are you saying you can do such a thing?!”

In this brief yet powerful exchange, many things can be examined. One is that Harlock does not defend himself against Mr. Zone’s accusations, or attempt explain/justify himself to the Queen. It is the boy whom he has befriended who speaks up for him with all the passion of his young heart. The ‘pirate’ Flag of Freedom is the symbol of justice and sacrifice: two virtues that are severely lacking in Harlock’s world(s). And Harlock and his friends are willing to die, to ‘turn into bones,’ to defend it (a fate that only seems to fall upon poor Tochiro; Harlock and Emeraldas have yet to officially die in any story). Freedom is the freedom not to do what one wants, but freedom to be true to one’s heart and dreams when everything else is going down the crapper and everybody hates you for it. This is the burden that Harlock has to bear: to remain true to himself in a world where such men are forever hated, feared and rejected.

 In the end, Harlock, Tochiro, Emeraldas and the others are perpetually feared, vilified and hunted not really because of what they do, but because of what they will not do. And what they will not do is this: they will not submit to foreign subjugation. They will not obey unjust laws enforced by petty rulers who impress no one. They will not join the corrupt or the unworthy in their pathetic/dishonorable way of life. They will not let themselves be ruled by fear or greed or lust for power. Harlock will keep on fighting forever, even when all hope and reason have failed. He will not yield; he will not surrender; he will never stop seeking a better future, a higher standard, a more worthy way of life, even if the entire universe is against him because of it. Nothing will stop him. He will remain true to his convictions and dreams. Only he knows what is in his heart. Only Tochiro can truly see into that heart. The skull-and-bones flag the Arcadia flies is to Harlock a symbol of freedom to the death, and Harlock’s not dead yet, he is out there, somewhere, if not in real life then at least in the dreams of youth, in all the hearts of all the young people he has touched; in my own dreams. Go, Harlock, flee the dead world and the dead hearts of those who care nothing for freedom or integrity or honor. Surrender to nothing, yield to nothing…keep true to the words you spoke so long ago…

”We will not pray for anything, nor will we seek help from anyone. Never again will we fight under another’s flag. We will keep on fighting, only for what we believe in, only under our flag, for as long as we live. Under my flag!”

- Captain Harlock; Arcadia of My Youth (1982 film)

 The Flag of Freedom!

[discopaws]

'Computing for RABBITS?' - Article in the April 1963 edition of the trade publication 'Rabbit Consortium Monthly,' one of a family of publications by the Lapine Industrial Council.

[inbabylontheywept]

theres some extremely good advice that you can only get from Very Stupid People. there is also some extremely bad advice you can only get from Very Smart People. and while you gotta keep your eye out for both it is generally far more damaging to fall for Smart People Stupidity than it is to miss out on The Wisdom of Fools. in much the same way that it’s impossible to make a flower that smells as good as a rotten egg smells bad.

[anonymousmorris]

Someone give an example. I want to hear some bad advice.

[inbabylontheywept]

Neoliberalism is extremely appealling to egghead wonk types. They're not stupid, the theory behind it is pretty elegant, and it has graphs and equations and jargon and then you put it into play and it explodes like a bomb. Huh. Turns out the graphs didn't account for class warfare. Or geopolitics. Or the Tragedy of the Commons. It genuinely assumed that the entirety of human society was a perfectly spherical cow. How silly. Oh well it's not like it was the dominant economic and political model for the entirety of the late 20th century.

Ow.

Less highfalutin examples come from the desire to overoptimize. I've seen an engineer at a party (not a good idea) (I am an engineer) (please don't invite me to parties) trying to explain that you should never buy a house when the S&P 500 has nearly a century of higher returns. To say nothing of the NASDAQ. And I was like, yeah man, but parents can't ask their kids to go outside and play on the NASDAQ graph. For starters, it's got tons of dangerous spikes on it. Oh shit devastating NASDAQ burn. For enders, it's not a physical object, and does basically nothing to increase your quality of life except let you watch Number go Up.

(Engineers are extremely fond of watching Number go Up.)

Dumb people advice is generally something like: Hey. Do you know why that thing is there? Me neither. Lets both not touch it until we know what its for. Decades of not knowing exactly what is going on has given them excellent insticts for what to do when confused. Namely, nothing. Dumb people have no FOMO. They have FOGFA - Fear of Getting Fooled Again.

Smart people often aren't used to being confused by things, and are terrified that the problem is them. If something seems like it doesn't make sense, but twenty other people are saying it does, a smart person can have an identity crisis. What if they're dumb? What if those 20 people are smarter than them? Unacceptable! He gets 20 of the ugliest monkeys money can buy. Meanwhile the dumb guy has been asking questios for two hours and the scammer guy is sweating as he tries to explain the Intrinsic Value of Ugly Monkeys. It's not working. It will never work. The dumb guy has never been sold on anything in his life. His retirement savings is gold bullion buried in his backyard. Which is also terrible, but less so than crypto.

[miseria-fortes-viros]

the Wise Fool TM knows it like the back of his hand. the Stupid Genius TM knows the name and function of every musculoskeletal part under his skin but cannot pick his own hand out of a lineup

[a-fatal-father-figure]

if @itsapmseymour is the dungeon master for a game of dnd wouldn't that make him... dmseymour

[itsapmseymour]

Due to court orders I am not allowed to be a DM

Apparently my “room that turns all party members into Elves and elves into double elves” is unlawful and would make Gary Gygax cry.

[lastpersoncolonthree]

You can’t just casually drop the term “double elves”, what does that mean?!?!

[itsapmseymour]

Yknow

It’s like an Elf

But more of it.

[itsapmseymour]

You, you get it

[ides-of-not-march]

What about an Eladrin?

[itsapmseymour]

As previously stated, everyone not elf, become elf

So Eladrin just reverts to Elf

[throughthethornvine]

if i walk in the room as an elf and become double elf then i walk out of the room and back in do I revert to elf? Or is this a one-time offer

[itsapmseymour]

Reason Number 2 I can’t DM

I dislike logic loop seekers like this lmao

[ihellom]

Not elfs become elf

Eladrin becomes elf, ergo, not elf

Elves become double elf

In THEORY, if a double elf enters the room, due to already being elf, it becomes quadruple elf

Elfponential growth

[ihellom]

the Reflecting satellite cannon is very cool

[ihellom]

Deux from gundam GQuuuuuuX has put a spin on mecha as a trans allegory that I have not seen before. As is tradition, the Mobile Suit they pilot is referred to as their real body. Not unexpected. What mildly surprised me was they referred to themselves as the heart. I can't recall anything similar from other media. Usually the mecha as a trans allegory comes with a dosing of hate for ones own body, rather than viewing oneself as an organ in the greater machine. It's intriguing, and I like it a lot.

[inkwell-passion]

DISCORD RELEASE!

As The War With The Heavens Universe grows, I find myself needing more and more a dedicated place to talk about it. So I have decided to do just that! Down below there will be a link to join a Discord specifically for War With The Heavens Stuff. It'll have all of my lore work up to this point, along with every short story (including ones I haven't posted here Mwehehehehe). Please consider Joining! Discord Link

[ihellom]

Handler. It's an exciting term to some, with idealizations of loving relationships with ones handler.

I can see where some would have appeal from. The Handlers job is to control you. A disembodied voice in the pilots ears telling them where to go, who to kill, what to do.

In order for a Handler to remain effective at this job, they must remain detached from the pilots in their command. They must stay a disembodied voice in the ears, due to the inherent power the Handler holds over the pilot.

Of course, going for pure efficiency like this is what the villains do

[ihellom]

Mecha as a trans allegory is. Interesting. Namely in that I've only ever seen the mech portrayed as the pilots True Self. Especially so in settings where one directly links their mind to the mech.

Never though, have I seen a monstrous, or wicked looking mech used as the true face of a villain. Certainly cool designs yes, but I can't recall ever seeing the mech as the true face of a pilot expanded upon beyond just a trans allegory.

On a related note. Most mecha media is military in nature. Transitioning then, only being allowed if the person undergoing it can be controlled. Which I don't think is a theme that I've seen expanded upon either.

[ihellom]

[inkwell-passion]

As Gaia Wills It.

My alarm blares into the early morning air of my apartment, startling me awake and sending me to the floor in one fell swoop, a cascade of blankets following me, along with a soft groan. "Why did I make the Bed tilt me off of it if I don't shut my alarm off in 5 minutes…" I grumble to nobody in particular, as I get up and shut the alarm off.

"Another day another byte, if Gaia Wills It." I whisper to myself, running a brush and comb through my dark chocolate hair, taming it's wild curls into a ponytail, taking a once over of my onyx-like skin, not finding anything amiss, I look myself in my Hazel eyes and give a two finger salute.

"Off to War." A small chuckle comes out of my mouth before I slide down the banister and start making coffee, my Ma calling out from her room. "Sophs! What have I told you about sliding down the banister!"

"I know Ma! I'm gonna crack my skull open! Call me when I do!" I chitter as a flurry of Spanish swears and curses are hurled my way.

"Love you Ma!"

"…Love you too Sophs." She calls back after a few seconds, giving me my signal to grab my toolset and head out the door. Doing so, I slide down on the sheet metal plate by my stairs, letting me launch off and tic tac off my apartment wall and grab the ledge of the apartment building on my left.

Pulling myself up, I start running along the roofs, leaping through alleyways I have been exploring since before I could say my name, a flurry of patch jobs and temporary fixes that slowly became permanent. Sure this place isn't as pretty as the Gaian Colonies, but it sure is a hell of a lot nicer. Catching onto a street pole, I slide down it and suddenly I'm at the scrapheap we call a mechanics shop.

"Hey Poncio! I'm here, clocking in!" I call out to the old man in the back and start what I expected to be a normal day of work, blasting some old music from before the Void Fell.

2 Hours past when I was supposed to take my lunch break I finally pull my nose out of a tri-fold pneumatic system that had captivated my interest.

"Shit, Hey Poncio! Taking Lunch"

"Take it on time next time Sophie!" The old man barks playfully, before returning to working on the car engine that had been giving him trouble. I slip out the door and the guys in the nearby court immediately spot me. "Hey if it isn't Sophs the Sophist!" James calls out, walking over to the fence as I meander over myself. "Hey, thanks for the help on the speeding ticket, I didn't know that fine print was there."

"No problem Jay, may as well help other people with my useless law degree." We both chitter.

"That's why you're the Sophist," He puts a fist up that I meet with my own. "Got anything going on later?"

"Yeah, Ma wants to play Cribbage with me."

"Yeah there's no winning against your old woman. Shame," He shrugs. "Play with us tomorrow?"

" 'course Jay, but don't be sorry when I kick your ass."

"Only cuz you're taller than the lamppost you slide down every day!" He calls out, walking away with a smug grin.

"I'm only 6'3"!" I call out, before realizing it's hopeless and continuing to walk to Joe's Subshop. When I get there, Moe and Poe are at the counter.

"Hey where's Joe today? Normally he works the register."

"Sick. Your usual?" Moe says, working his knife deftly over the piece of pork he's trimming.

"Always straight to the point, huh Poe?"

"I'm Moe! He's Poe-- Oh god damn it Sophie," He groans as he lifts his gaze up to see my shit-eating grin. "I'm charging you extra just for that."

"Hey now, there's no reason for that! I tip you generously enough as is!" Panic fills my voice, I can not let my favorite sub be marked up like that, or else it wouldn't be my favorite.

"Ah sorry, I can't hear you over Gaia raising the price of Pig importing again!" Poe chitters to himself in regards to the interaction between Moe and I.

"God damn it, it's always fucking Gaia isn't it." I shrug just like James did before putting my hands on my hips.

"…You're not actually charging me more for my usual sub right?"

"No! Of course not! Are you light in the head?"

"Hey, just making sure!"

Moe shakes his head and starts working on the Eden Supreme, a extremely spicy meatball sub that uses buffalo sauce as opposed to red sauce, that then has parmesan and mozzarella sprinkled on top and hit with a blowtorch. The Eden Supreme was started as a marketing ploy by a Gaian Colony that tanked due to the still tender populace after The Heavenly War, but us Outworlders picked it up, and you can find one in almost any local sub shop, of course never officially called an Eden Supreme, they know what you're asking for if you order it.

"Here you are, one Legally Distinct Angel Hellfire." Moe hands it off to me with a garlic sauce and sends me on my way once I drop a few quartz coins into his hand.

"Here's the actual price, plus tip." I make a two fingered pointing expression in a sort of playful, 'I'm watching you' type look, which gets a smirk out of Moe.

I step outside of Joe's Subshop, and immediately regret it, the winds of two mechs dueling above the sky almost topple me and make me drop my sub. I look up to see the blur of an aftermarket Ion Launch Engine, before a few electrical arcs from their opponent knocks it offline.

So There's 'Ion' and 'Sparky' fighting above our wonderful city. Great. By the looks of things, 'Sparky' is a Gaia Mech, that makes 'Ion' a Separatist stupid enough to pick a fight with them, probably thinks his new upgrades will allow him to match up.

To my surprise, 'Ion's bets' were right. He drives a piece of sharpened rebar through 'Sparky's' Abdomen, separating the torso from the legs and causing 'Sparky' to plummet to the ground.

"Fuck."

Against my better judgement, I start sprinting towards the crash zone, whipping out my phone and calling Poncio.

"Hey Pon-Pon, do me a favor and grab the grav-jack. Meet me down the street that Joe's is at."

"Near the Fountain??? Also What's this about Sophie!"

"Got ourselves a possible Client! Separatist Mech just separated their top from their lower half."

"Nonono, I don't do Gaia Mechs, you know this!"

"Come on Pon, just this once, this one's different I can feel it."

"…His repairs are coming out of your retirement Missy."

"That's fine."

"…Fine."

Poncio hangs up as I slide to a stop right outside the crash zone, there was already a small crowd, but the moment the Gaia Coalition's symbol is seen, they move on. I start making my way to the torso piece that has been abandoned, making sure to keep my sub safe.

I clamber up the torso and catch my foot on a handle bar, almost tripping and eating shit. "Don't worry, I've got ya Hun." I mutter, my pa's Southern-American accent flittering into my voice as I start talking to the mech, unaware that the pilot can hear me.

The cockpit canopy opens, revealing a woman whiter than milk, with a rat's nest of hair and jagged nails, along with other spots of disarray.

"Oh Jeez, You alright there Miss?" I disconnect the neural port from her, these newfangled Ano-Mechs have always interested me, maybe she'll let me explore it later?

When the Neural port is disconnected from her Lance, she starts to writhe in pain, whimpering and growling like a dog.

I take a step back and feel for my tazer.

"FUCK SHIT SHIT AUGH IT HURTS, PUT IT BACK IN PUT IT BACK IN" The voice that's clearly not been used in days cries out in shrieks of pain, her voice shattering and tearing itself apart as I fumble for the Neural Port and slide it back in, all at once the body goes limp.

"Feelin' better there Hun?"

"Much~" a Sultry voice comes over external audioports, the voice causing heat to rush to my face as I step back again.

"Well ain't that a tempo shift." I mutter. "Look, I'm gonna take you back to my shop and get ya patched up. Name's Sophie, you are?"

"Ellen, The Spider Queen."

"Ellie it is!"

"….Okay." The voice peters out, right as Poncio comes with the grav-tow. I'm still surprised he let me buy it with how new on the market these things are. He's always been slow to adapt tech in his personal life, but I guess Business and Pleasure is separate…if you're an old-timer like him.

"Getting her hooked up!" I grab the two anchor hooks and put them under Spider Queen's arms, before hitting the grav-tow's controls causing it to lift up into the air.

"See, looks like a wonder Pops! Those Luna thingies sure know how to make things!" I call out to Poncio who rolls his eyes and throws the passenger door open for me. I lumber in and place the sub right on the dashboard so I could get my hands free to put my buckle on. Poncio immediately slaps it off the Dashboard back into my lap.

"¡Dejalo ya! You tryna get me pulled over Niña?"

"No…it was only there so I could get my buckle on."

"Aiyah…" He mutters before flooring the gas and causing me to slam against the seat.

We make it back to the shop in record speeds, the humanoid head of the mech being decapitated from the door not being fully opened.

"Shit!" I curse under my breath, and scramble out of the tow truck to get the mech unhatched and on the workshop, grabbing a nearby mech head, some experimental design with 8 eyes. Fitting.

I hotwire it to the Neuromech's Optic Controls. "Hey Spider, can you hear me?"

"Loud and Clear….bit too loud honestly." The mech's audio output responds, Poncio giving me an odd look for referring to it by name.

"So about your head-- sorry your Mech's head."

"You were right the first time. My Head."

"Yeah about that….it's a bucket of scrap now thanks to Pops driving."

"Sheesh, you're not charging me for that are ya?"

"Nope, Mechanic's error."

"Alright….and how about legs, can you get me legs?"

I look towards Poncio, he throws his head to the side, motioning to the experimental bottom piece we got a few weeks back.

"Well…..we've got a solution, but it's definitely gonna be temporary."

"Works for me Sophie. I just need to be able to move."

"Hey, I need to detach you to work on this thing."

"Fine but warn me first."

"Of course, detaching now."

I detach the neural port, and the young woman's small and frail body takes a deep breath in before letting it out slowly, this clearly hurt for her.

"It's alright Hun, I've got ya." I reassure this Pilot, who gets a deep blush at my specific wording.

"R-right yeah." She nods quickly before crawling out of the mech, grabbing a blanket from the cockpit and sitting on a rolling stool, wrapping herself in the blanket.

Poncio and I get to work, attaching the experimental spider legs onto the bottom half of the mech. Originally this bottom half was designed for a more arachnoid looking Mech, but attaching it to the upper half of a human reminds of an old Tabletop game I used to play in school.

Ellie doesn't seem to mind the attachment, her eyes sparkling and her pupils dilating at the sight of the spider legs.

"Wow you're both really talented…" Ellie comments, "And you're stuck in the Outerworlds?"

"As Gaia Wills It" Poncio and I say in unison with a pessimistic grin shared between us.

Ellie blinks for a few seconds, before giggling in that broken voice of hers. It's a cute giggle.

"Right, you need food missy." I sit down next to her, and unwrap my Eden Supreme.

"Woah you can get Eden Supremes out here??? I thought they were discontinued!" The pilot exclaims, her mouth watering at the sandwich I paid good money for.

"Welcome to the Outerworlds, where Discontinued things get a new life." I quip, before offering a half to her.

She takes a big bite into it before freezing, her face flushing as she swallows it and sticks out her tongue. "It's hot…" She whimpers.

"Have you never had one?"

"No….I always wanted to try one but they stopped making them by the time I got my first paycheck."

"Oh man, you're missing out." I chuckle and bite into my half, the heat gracing my taste buds like an old, familiar lover. In a few minutes my half of the sub is gone, while Ellie is still eating her half.

I get back up and return to the repairs, shooing Poncio away so that he can start running the bill. "We want to get her back and fighting as soon as possible."

"Like hell we do!"

"Look at her, this mech is her life!" I scold Poncio.

"Fine…"

Ellie would look up at me with a surprised look.

"Are you sure this is okay?"

"Of course!"

Ellie sits in silence after that, before opening her mouth as if to ask something, then closing it again, as if deciding against it.

"Between You, Me, and the Fence Post…" I start.

"I think your callsign is cool as shit, and you totally had more skill than that Ion jackass."

She smiles at that, but then frowns back at the floor, deep in thought.

"Could I hire you to be an on-call Mechanic?" She finally asks, which causes me to freeze.

"Huh, why?" I tilt my head, doing some final wire connections.

"All of the mechanics we have back at base think I'm kinda weird, and aren't the nicest to me…you are."

"Oh….sure, but I ain't moving. And you're paying for my hotel." I joke, the same pessimistic smile coming to my face from before.

"Deal!" She shouts excitedly.

"Oh wait I was--" I sigh and shake my head. "Sure thing Sweetheart." The Southern-American accent slips back into my voice as I respond.

"Can I get back in my body?"

"Oh yeah sure, just finished up the connections."

Ellie would climb back into her mech, The Spider Queen, and connect the neural port to her Lance, stretching as her 8 lenses focus themselves like bleary eyes that have just woken up.

I lower the chains the mech was hoisted on and let it descend, the click clack of the spider legs slowly become more and more excited as Ellie walks in circles.

"Oh I love it!!!" Ellie calls out with a smile.

"Of course. Anything for you Spider Queen." I'd say with a smug grin, leaning against the wall. It was meant sarcastically, but over the years we worked together, it slowly became more genuine and heartfelt.

That's the story of how I met my future-wife, and started to fall in love with her. As Gaia Wills It.

[lunazepotato]

People said that Tumblr isn't a great place to post original art that isn't fanart, but I'm doing it anyway because I haven't got the motivation to draw anything else

Happy pride month lads! 🧡💛🤍💙

from an aroace potato :)

[cryptotheism]

i love the never kill your self meme like yeah joy can be found in humble places peace and love on planet earth

[cryptotheism]

that is the wrong gif

[ellevandersneed]

Never kill yourself. come to my dojo instead, where I will kill you

[the-haiku-bot]

Never kill yourself.

come to my dojo instead,

where I will kill you

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[zoesupreme]

spotify is raising prices again here's the apk that gives you premium for free

[world-of-lang]

and here's the desktop version for Windows with adblock and skip-bypass BlockTheSpot

[dont-look-me-in-the-eye]

spot X for windows

spot X for linux/mac

[kaesnpoint-art]

tw: flashing images

I tried doing the Harpy Hare trend with my dnd party over the weekend :) solo pictures below!

[inkwell-passion]

The Authenticity Of The Machine

The foot of the body taps against the linoleum floor of the messhall, it doesn't feel right. The tactile feeling isn't the same. Everything is so ichy, and I can't do anything about it, the two eyes that once were mine flicker about, trying to see more than they should be able to.

The hand trembles with microtwitches as I use it to pick up the spoon for the eggfried rice they made for me this time. The other hand gently grabs at the head, fingering the single strands of hair that I once identified with. Everything feels so wrong as the left eye blinks before the right.

I remember a time when I identified with this body, I was young, didn't know the glory of my new body just yet, but even back then I knew something was off, I wasn't as graceful as my peers, I was awkward and clumsy. I wore glasses back then, longed for a sight that was better than what I had. Everything felt wrong but it was all I had ever known, so I thought everyone else was just better at being human than me. I thought everyone suffered through this, and that something was just wrong with me.

The food tastes good, I can't really think about anything to compare it to, it travels through the foreign throat and down into its stomach, then it fuels this control system people call a body. It's just a segment of the whole to me. A blueprint that everything else is built around. The left hand grabs my energy drink and brings it shakily up to the mouth, where I take a small sip. Its chill paradoxically fills me with a warmth. That's the only thing that I like about this state, The food.

Someone sits down next to the vessel, the eyes that I control flick over to them. It's the Sergeant that works alongside me in my body.

"Hey Spider." His rough and tumble voice hits the eardrum like a cacophony of noise, and the vessel instinctively flinches from how loud it is. "Sorry" his voice quiets down to a tolerable level. "Good job on that last sortie."

"Thanks Delaney…" The voice that I once called my own stumbles out of the vessel's mouth rough and broken, the vocal cords not having been used properly in years. It sounds more like a young kitten's scrappy mewl than an actual voice.

"Man I forgot how shitty your voice sounds when you're not using Comms." He'd chuckle, I don't find it funny. This isn't my voice, it never has been, I just laid claim to it when I thought it's all I had. He stares at me for a second as if expecting me to laugh with him. I don't.

"…Sorry, that was rude." His voice fades away, his eyes looking away from me. "So uhm…Me and my buddies are doing this small get together and I was curious if you wanted to come with? It's gonna be chill, we're just gonna drink and talk."

I nod the head, the mop of hair on top grazing against the skin, making my mind run ablaze with discomfort. "Gonna hit the showers…" That damaged voice stumbles into open air once more, before I get up, the legs shaky as my gait is odd, unbalanced. I don't have the right amount of legs, I feel like I'm gonna fall at any point, my viewpoint constantly shifting and moving, as the vessel stumbles away from the harsh lights of the messhall. Everything feels so weird, and I keep listening out for the creak of the floor, only to never hear it. Right, this vessel is not as heavy as my body.

In the barracks, I grab a towel and the recommended bodywash, along with whatever shampoo I decided to buy last time I was at the shops. I use the right hand to grab the shower basket, putting everything but the towel in it and head to the private showers, flashing the I.D. that registers me as a Pilot to get in.

There were too many cases of people getting bit when they tried to get handsy with the pilots, so we get private access to the officer showers. It's what they get for trying anything as far as I'm concerned.

I walk into the first open private shower and reserve it for two hours, closing the door and locking it. Disrobing is both fast and slow, the eyes do not dare look down, or wander to the mirror, but in the corner I see it, the vessel's form. I dig the nails of the left hand into the right arm and hiss, trying to keep my attention away from how wrong this all feels.

When Disrobing is complete, I maneuver the vessel to step into the shower and turn the water on. As soon as the water hits the skin, I howl out in pain, the voice that claims to be my own screaming out like a wounded animal, and just as quickly, I grab the bodywash and lather it all over the skin, the numbing agent acting immediately, making the water bearable for once. The tears that spill from the eyes are lost in the shower, I'm unable to identify when the shower stops and my tears begin.

I need to move fast before the numbing agent stops being effective, the shampoo that probably isn't the right type for the hair gets grabbed and gets poured into the right hand before the left hand puts the shampoo down and both hands raise up to lather the hair with the shampoo. The scalp is less sensitive due to the constant sensory experience of the hair, but it still stings as the water pours onto it.

Eventually everything is cleaned and I can maneuver the vessel out of the shower and start to dry it off, using the softest towel I have in order to not cause any more pain. I stare down at the floor, facing away from the mirror, drying everything before getting my techsuit back on and the uniform on top of it. I instantly feel at least a little better, but nothing will comfort me like being in my own body once more.

I pull my phone out, and maneuver to my schedule, getting reminded that I had a little get-together that I was invited to. I open up the DMs I have with Delaney and type in 'Inside or Outside?' My gaze drifting over to the hanger bay using foreign eyes that are too few in number. 'Inside'.

Fuck. Okay. The body heaves out a sigh as it taps the address that Delaney gave, and I start maneuvering it over there. My movements are both exagerated and too subtle, too much input for too little output. Everything feels wrong, but maybe they'll have an inhaler there. Maybe I can forget about this vessel for a little while, and maybe just maybe this will be the last time I need to be out of my body.

The walk feels muted, there was birdsong but I couldn't hear it properly, the sunlight didn't look right, everything felt wrong, felt muted, felt dilluted. When I got to the address, I can see that they're sat outside, surrounding a campfire. Laughing and drinking and telling stories. I bubble over with rage as my movements become more and more drastic, I tap Delaney on the shoulder with the jagged nail from my hand. He turns around, clearly already a bit tipsy. "Spider! I knew you could make it!"

"Why did you tell me it was Inside when you guys are clearly Outside and have been for a while?" The voice is still broken and hoarse but it still reveals my rage properly.

"I didn't want you bringing that fucking dingy machine. You spend way too much time in it Spider!" He laughs, I yet again do not.

"And so you thought lying to me was the right choice of action?!" I bellow, the voice cracking and breaking several times.

"Why does it matter so much? come get a drink." He motions for me to sit, I don't.

"You don't get it Delaney!" The voice is getting whiney, not what I want.

"No I get it alright, you're fucking addicted to that god damned machine. I just want to see my friend's actual body for once."

"Actual Body?! ACTUAL BODY?!?!" I scream out in this borrowed voice. "That thing you call a 'Dingey machine' IS MY ACTUAL BODY"

"Oh my god Spider. I thought you weren't one of those fucking weirdos."

"Those….Those WHAT?!" I stomp the foot, before I roar out in anger and start stormng off, not even letting him give me a response. I break out into a sprint, the body not used to running, but that doesn't stop me, I need to get back to her. I need to get back to my Spider Queen. My Body.

I bust into the hanger bay, my Mechanic, Sophie, looking at me with confusion at first, but the moment she sees the look in my eye, understanding passes her face. "Just finished up. Here let me help you up Sweetie." her southern accent compliments her grease and oil caked face of dark skin.

I sprint over to her and hug her tight, sobbing into her as she grabs this vessel's hips and lifts it up into my cockpit, my home. It opens itself up to welcome me back to myself, as I lay inside the seat, getting the neural link jacked in properly.

The moment I'm hooked in, I feel all of my subroutines come to life as my body roars to life, electrical signals dancing under my armor plating as my eyes start calibrating, finally my vision is fixed, and I can see all around me. My Legs stretch themselves out, every single one of the eight of them.

"How're you feeling Ellie? Or should I call you Spider Queen" Sophie calls out with a grin.

"So much better!~" My deep sultry voice that can make a grown man fall to his knees ring out from my comms system as I stretch my arms, before picking Sophie up and placing her on top of me. My eight legs moving like my namesake, as I leave the Hanger and shift myself into flight move, my legs swirling behind me like rifling as I rocket upwards into the lower atmosphere, Sophie hooping and hollering as she rides me.

My radar comes online as I match my speed with a squad of aircraft going through training. "Hello Boys!~" I call out into their earpieces, and they all respond back in unison,

"Hello Spider, You seem in a good mood today."

"That I am!~" My radar warns me of an incoming missle lock as I cut my engine, my arms grabbing Sophie and tossing her into my cockpit so that she's safe from the rapid acceleration, Sophie is all too familiar with my body to complain, simply running her fingers through my hair as she sits in my co-pilot seat.

Moments before the ground I kick retrograde thrusters on, landing on my feet as I scuttle about gracefully, climbing over the fence back into the hanger bay, before letting Sophie out and placing her at her work station.

"Hey Ellie!" Sophie calls out as I tilt my head. "Got a party outside that I wanna take you too! Everyone's been dying to meet my favorite pilot"

I hesitate, after what happened earlier. Sophie can feel my hesitancy as her face softens and she places a hand on one of my legs. "Hey it's gonna be okay, it's a family get together, the kiddos really wanted to meet you."

After a few seconds that feel like hours, I nod, agreeing to it. "Wanna walk with me?"

"Sure!" She'd climb up onto my shoulder near my cockpit, using familiar handholds. There's a deep intimacy I have with Sophie, she knows every inch of my body, and I trust her with every centimeter of it. It helps that there have been a few times that Sophie has let me learn her body with a similar sense of intimacy.

My arachnoid lower half starts moving once again, as I listen to her directions, the smile on her voice is oh so familiar, and welcoming. The walk is much faster for me than it would be for a normal person, my legs being able to outrun a car.

The walk is gorgeous, the birdsong comming in through my external mics into my cockpit and filling me with its music, the Sunset glittering across my sensory suite, as I get to view it in all its dazzling brilliancy across so many spectrums, the dirt path compacting beneath me, the gravel popping. I hear Sophie's sweet voice fill my head as she gently chides me on how much I damaged my body last time, that she had to work for 5 hours straight to get me back up and running, my nonhuman head would tilt to nuzzle itself against her as a way of thanks.

We're led to a massive field where there is a bonfire that has a small family gathering around it, the kids are the first to notice Sophie and me, their jaws dropping as they point over to us and call out for their parents to see. "Mom, Mom! Look!" They run over to me as Sophie climbs down my left arm, sitting atop one of my legs as she lifts the kids up, speaking in a tongue I don't understand.

The kids seem very receptive to whatever Sophie is telling them, their little heads nodding up and down before she lets them loose. On the walk there Sophie had warned me the kids would wanna climb all over me, and asked me if I was alright with that, and I was.

As the kids started to climb around me, I helped one onto my hand and then let them slide down my arm and across my shoulders before sliding down my other arm back towards Sophie, who catches them with a small 'Oop!'.

The Adults looked over with small smiles on their faces, and soon motioned me to come closer to the fire, to which I followed their instructions, the bonfire lighting up my chassis and making my heat receptors fill me with warmth.

"So You're Ellie the Spider Queen, huh?" An Older man leaning on a cane would say, an amused look on his wrinkled face.

"Yes sir, I hope you don't mind that I came in my mech."

"Nonsense, this is who you are is it not?" His smile gets a knowing look in it as he lifts a medallion that holds the symbol of the 63rd Mech Division 'The Hellscreamers'.

"That it is Sir, thank you for your service. Though if you don't mind me asking, what happened to your body?"

"Ahh my other half. She got herself blown up in the War With The Heavens. I still feel her radar in the back of my head though" He'd chortle.

The Retired Lieutenant and I held conversation the entire night, him regailing me with his stories about fighting the Angels, supposedly having gone one on one with one undergoing its Rapture state, the only thing saving him is his mech's coolant system getting ruptured and freezing it to death. He tells me about how he knew he had to abandon his mech, because it would eventually go supercritical, but how he had to be torn kicking and screaming from it.

In return I told him about some of my own sorties, Sophie being sat on my leg the entire time as my arms move and gesture to exemplify my storytelling. The kids hanging from different parts of me, or sat in front of me, their eyes sparkling as they hear about how I fought to defend their homes from invaders and rebels alike.

Eventually the kids fell asleep, all cradled in a leg of mine, and Sophie had made her way to my cockpit, having brought a case of cider, She reaches behind my control node and undoes the Neural link, and I have to reaccomodate to only having two eyenodes, there she sits nearby and takes her acoustic guitar off its mount inside my cockpit and starts to play.

"I swear your fingers are magical when it comes to a six string." I praise her softly, sipping the crisp apple cider that her family made.

"And yours don't perform miracle on the battlefield?" She jokes, playing a particularly calming song.

"That's not fair, this comes to me as naturally as breathing."

"Yeah, and playing the guitar for me is no different." Her voice would fade into song as for once these ear drums seem perfectly fit for listening to her. Everything feels right when I'm in my body, doesn't matter if I'm linked in, just being here is right. Sophie makes it even more correct.

"Why didn't you ever go into doing music stuff Sophs?" I tilt my control system's head.

"Because then I wouldn't have met you." She'd joke before putting her guitar to the side. "In all actuality, it just didn't feel right, I work best with gears, nuts, bolts, and mneumatic systems."

"I understand that I think. It's like trying to move with only two legs, sure maybe I was born with the skill to do it, and practiced it for years, but this" I motion to my body, the metal chassis all around us. "This is more me than anything else ever will be."

"Amen to that." She'd raise her own bottle of Cider up in toast as I move to clink mine with hers, taking a swig afterwards and letting the bitter liquid grace my taste buds. "Now it's gonna be a cold night, so you mind if I curl up in that chair with you?"

"Not at all Sophs, Thank you, you made my shitty night much better. Your folks are great as well, I loved talking to your Grandpa."

Sophie would giggle and climb up into my chair with me, curling up and nodding. "Of course, anything for my favorite Pilot."

"Goodnight, Sophie."

"Goodnight, Spider Queen."