slonk her shit splatoon style

helix │ she/her │ be unapologetically you │icon by @spheciform │banner by norii.000 on insta

[iinkstrike]

hello! I’m opening commissions!! please message me here or on discord (iinkstorm) for more info. any interaction with this post is much appreciated, thank you so much for reading! <3

[spheciform]

FUCK MY STUPID FUCKING GAY JESTER LIFE I HATE MY FUCKING JOB

So following a horrible break up (iykyk) I took a job as the jester for this woman who's claiming to be an oracle and kind of leads her own autonomous community out in the wasteland. TOTALLY a cult but like the people are really nice so it's nbd. And like. For a while the job is fine I'm doing my thing (performing is easy when these people only know like 3 songs, simians rotating simians will always be a hit), find out my liege is like kind of a milf (awesome) but kind of an awful parent. It's whatever, I feel bad for the kid but she's out of the picture now. Anyways my liege also got into amateur robotics a few years back and like at first it was great because she'd keep me around playing while she works on her project so I was getting really good hours, but like since everything went down with her daughter she's kind of gone off the deep end with this thing and it's like TOO many hours you know? And now since I'm her most loyal supporter she's asking me to do all these things for her and it was great at first because I really felt like her favorite subject but like. She's building a whole ass person in there and I'm not really sure it's good for her and now she keeps asking me to source more hair because she's stuck she KEEPS PUTTING HAIR ON IT!!! AND THAT SHIT IS BOAR HAIR!!! HAVE YOU EVER SLAIN A WILD BOAR?? WHAT ABOUT 50??? I CANT EVEN USE FIREBALL BECAUSE SHE NEEDS EVERY SINGLE HAIR. NOT TO MENTION IM TIRED OF LOOKING AT THAT THING TOO ITS REALLY DISTURBING!!! "Oh, jester, it's a hero of legend" "oh jester she's going to fix all our problems" WHY ARE YOU MAKING IT FUCKABLE!!! IN WHAT POSSIBLE WORLD WHERE YOU ARE DOING THIS OUT OF COMPLETE UNBIASED ACCURACY TO ORIGINAL TEXT (which I KNOW she's barely read anyways) DOES THAT INVOLVE FIGURING OUT A WAY TO MAKE IT SWEAT!!! I AM SCARED!!! THIS THING IS GOING TO COME TO LIFE ONE DAY AND SHAMBLE AROUND AND BREAK SOMEONES LEGS. I HAVE SEEN THE STRESS TEST. IT CAN KILL PEOPLE. IT WILL KILL PEOPLE. Not to MENTION my liege is so fucking obsessed with her pet homunculus that everything management-wise about the whole damn TOWN she's supposed to be LEADING is in shambles. IF I HAVE TO TELL ONE MORE SCHLUB THAT THE GREAT ORACLE IS UNABLE TO BE REACHED BECAUSE SHES HAVING A GREAT VISION MEANWHILE SHES GETTING WINE DRUNK GRAFTING SKIN ONTO CHICKEN WIRE IM GONNA LOSE IT. IM GONNA LOSE IT!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!

[spheciform]

FUCK MY STUPID FUCKING GAY JESTER LIFE I HATE MY FUCKING JOB

So following a horrible break up (iykyk) I took a job as the jester for this woman who's claiming to be an oracle and kind of leads her own autonomous community out in the wasteland. TOTALLY a cult but like the people are really nice so it's nbd. And like. For a while the job is fine I'm doing my thing (performing is easy when these people only know like 3 songs, simians rotating simians will always be a hit), find out my liege is like kind of a milf (awesome) but kind of an awful parent. It's whatever, I feel bad for the kid but she's out of the picture now. Anyways my liege also got into amateur robotics a few years back and like at first it was great because she'd keep me around playing while she works on her project so I was getting really good hours, but like since everything went down with her daughter she's kind of gone off the deep end with this thing and it's like TOO many hours you know? And now since I'm her most loyal supporter she's asking me to do all these things for her and it was great at first because I really felt like her favorite subject but like. She's building a whole ass person in there and I'm not really sure it's good for her and now she keeps asking me to source more hair because she's stuck she KEEPS PUTTING HAIR ON IT!!! AND THAT SHIT IS BOAR HAIR!!! HAVE YOU EVER SLAIN A WILD BOAR?? WHAT ABOUT 50??? I CANT EVEN USE FIREBALL BECAUSE SHE NEEDS EVERY SINGLE HAIR. NOT TO MENTION IM TIRED OF LOOKING AT THAT THING TOO ITS REALLY DISTURBING!!! "Oh, jester, it's a hero of legend" "oh jester she's going to fix all our problems" WHY ARE YOU MAKING IT FUCKABLE!!! IN WHAT POSSIBLE WORLD WHERE YOU ARE DOING THIS OUT OF COMPLETE UNBIASED ACCURACY TO ORIGINAL TEXT (which I KNOW she's barely read anyways) DOES THAT INVOLVE FIGURING OUT A WAY TO MAKE IT SWEAT!!! I AM SCARED!!! THIS THING IS GOING TO COME TO LIFE ONE DAY AND SHAMBLE AROUND AND BREAK SOMEONES LEGS. I HAVE SEEN THE STRESS TEST. IT CAN KILL PEOPLE. IT WILL KILL PEOPLE. Not to MENTION my liege is so fucking obsessed with her pet homunculus that everything management-wise about the whole damn TOWN she's supposed to be LEADING is in shambles. IF I HAVE TO TELL ONE MORE SCHLUB THAT THE GREAT ORACLE IS UNABLE TO BE REACHED BECAUSE SHES HAVING A GREAT VISION MEANWHILE SHES GETTING WINE DRUNK GRAFTING SKIN ONTO CHICKEN WIRE IM GONNA LOSE IT. IM GONNA LOSE IT!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!

[spheciform]

FUCK MY STUPID FUCKING GAY JESTER LIFE I HATE MY FUCKING JOB

So following a horrible break up (iykyk) I took a job as the jester for this woman who's claiming to be an oracle and kind of leads her own autonomous community out in the wasteland. TOTALLY a cult but like the people are really nice so it's nbd. And like. For a while the job is fine I'm doing my thing (performing is easy when these people only know like 3 songs, simians rotating simians will always be a hit), find out my liege is like kind of a milf (awesome) but kind of an awful parent. It's whatever, I feel bad for the kid but she's out of the picture now. Anyways my liege also got into amateur robotics a few years back and like at first it was great because she'd keep me around playing while she works on her project so I was getting really good hours, but like since everything went down with her daughter she's kind of gone off the deep end with this thing and it's like TOO many hours you know? And now since I'm her most loyal supporter she's asking me to do all these things for her and it was great at first because I really felt like her favorite subject but like. She's building a whole ass person in there and I'm not really sure it's good for her and now she keeps asking me to source more hair because she's stuck she KEEPS PUTTING HAIR ON IT!!! AND THAT SHIT IS BOAR HAIR!!! HAVE YOU EVER SLAIN A WILD BOAR?? WHAT ABOUT 50??? I CANT EVEN USE FIREBALL BECAUSE SHE NEEDS EVERY SINGLE HAIR. NOT TO MENTION IM TIRED OF LOOKING AT THAT THING TOO ITS REALLY DISTURBING!!! "Oh, jester, it's a hero of legend" "oh jester she's going to fix all our problems" WHY ARE YOU MAKING IT FUCKABLE!!! IN WHAT POSSIBLE WORLD WHERE YOU ARE DOING THIS OUT OF COMPLETE UNBIASED ACCURACY TO ORIGINAL TEXT (which I KNOW she's barely read anyways) DOES THAT INVOLVE FIGURING OUT A WAY TO MAKE IT SWEAT!!! I AM SCARED!!! THIS THING IS GOING TO COME TO LIFE ONE DAY AND SHAMBLE AROUND AND BREAK SOMEONES LEGS. I HAVE SEEN THE STRESS TEST. IT CAN KILL PEOPLE. IT WILL KILL PEOPLE. Not to MENTION my liege is so fucking obsessed with her pet homunculus that everything management-wise about the whole damn TOWN she's supposed to be LEADING is in shambles. IF I HAVE TO TELL ONE MORE SCHLUB THAT THE GREAT ORACLE IS UNABLE TO BE REACHED BECAUSE SHES HAVING A GREAT VISION MEANWHILE SHES GETTING WINE DRUNK GRAFTING SKIN ONTO CHICKEN WIRE IM GONNA LOSE IT. IM GONNA LOSE IT!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!

[spheciform]

FUCK MY STUPID FUCKING GAY JESTER LIFE I HATE MY FUCKING JOB

So following a horrible break up (iykyk) I took a job as the jester for this woman who's claiming to be an oracle and kind of leads her own autonomous community out in the wasteland. TOTALLY a cult but like the people are really nice so it's nbd. And like. For a while the job is fine I'm doing my thing (performing is easy when these people only know like 3 songs, simians rotating simians will always be a hit), find out my liege is like kind of a milf (awesome) but kind of an awful parent. It's whatever, I feel bad for the kid but she's out of the picture now. Anyways my liege also got into amateur robotics a few years back and like at first it was great because she'd keep me around playing while she works on her project so I was getting really good hours, but like since everything went down with her daughter she's kind of gone off the deep end with this thing and it's like TOO many hours you know? And now since I'm her most loyal supporter she's asking me to do all these things for her and it was great at first because I really felt like her favorite subject but like. She's building a whole ass person in there and I'm not really sure it's good for her and now she keeps asking me to source more hair because she's stuck she KEEPS PUTTING HAIR ON IT!!! AND THAT SHIT IS BOAR HAIR!!! HAVE YOU EVER SLAIN A WILD BOAR?? WHAT ABOUT 50??? I CANT EVEN USE FIREBALL BECAUSE SHE NEEDS EVERY SINGLE HAIR. NOT TO MENTION IM TIRED OF LOOKING AT THAT THING TOO ITS REALLY DISTURBING!!! "Oh, jester, it's a hero of legend" "oh jester she's going to fix all our problems" WHY ARE YOU MAKING IT FUCKABLE!!! IN WHAT POSSIBLE WORLD WHERE YOU ARE DOING THIS OUT OF COMPLETE UNBIASED ACCURACY TO ORIGINAL TEXT (which I KNOW she's barely read anyways) DOES THAT INVOLVE FIGURING OUT A WAY TO MAKE IT SWEAT!!! I AM SCARED!!! THIS THING IS GOING TO COME TO LIFE ONE DAY AND SHAMBLE AROUND AND BREAK SOMEONES LEGS. I HAVE SEEN THE STRESS TEST. IT CAN KILL PEOPLE. IT WILL KILL PEOPLE. Not to MENTION my liege is so fucking obsessed with her pet homunculus that everything management-wise about the whole damn TOWN she's supposed to be LEADING is in shambles. IF I HAVE TO TELL ONE MORE SCHLUB THAT THE GREAT ORACLE IS UNABLE TO BE REACHED BECAUSE SHES HAVING A GREAT VISION MEANWHILE SHES GETTING WINE DRUNK GRAFTING SKIN ONTO CHICKEN WIRE IM GONNA LOSE IT. IM GONNA LOSE IT!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!

[spheciform]

FUCK MY STUPID FUCKING GAY JESTER LIFE I HATE MY FUCKING JOB

So following a horrible break up (iykyk) I took a job as the jester for this woman who's claiming to be an oracle and kind of leads her own autonomous community out in the wasteland. TOTALLY a cult but like the people are really nice so it's nbd. And like. For a while the job is fine I'm doing my thing (performing is easy when these people only know like 3 songs, simians rotating simians will always be a hit), find out my liege is like kind of a milf (awesome) but kind of an awful parent. It's whatever, I feel bad for the kid but she's out of the picture now. Anyways my liege also got into amateur robotics a few years back and like at first it was great because she'd keep me around playing while she works on her project so I was getting really good hours, but like since everything went down with her daughter she's kind of gone off the deep end with this thing and it's like TOO many hours you know? And now since I'm her most loyal supporter she's asking me to do all these things for her and it was great at first because I really felt like her favorite subject but like. She's building a whole ass person in there and I'm not really sure it's good for her and now she keeps asking me to source more hair because she's stuck she KEEPS PUTTING HAIR ON IT!!! AND THAT SHIT IS BOAR HAIR!!! HAVE YOU EVER SLAIN A WILD BOAR?? WHAT ABOUT 50??? I CANT EVEN USE FIREBALL BECAUSE SHE NEEDS EVERY SINGLE HAIR. NOT TO MENTION IM TIRED OF LOOKING AT THAT THING TOO ITS REALLY DISTURBING!!! "Oh, jester, it's a hero of legend" "oh jester she's going to fix all our problems" WHY ARE YOU MAKING IT FUCKABLE!!! IN WHAT POSSIBLE WORLD WHERE YOU ARE DOING THIS OUT OF COMPLETE UNBIASED ACCURACY TO ORIGINAL TEXT (which I KNOW she's barely read anyways) DOES THAT INVOLVE FIGURING OUT A WAY TO MAKE IT SWEAT!!! I AM SCARED!!! THIS THING IS GOING TO COME TO LIFE ONE DAY AND SHAMBLE AROUND AND BREAK SOMEONES LEGS. I HAVE SEEN THE STRESS TEST. IT CAN KILL PEOPLE. IT WILL KILL PEOPLE. Not to MENTION my liege is so fucking obsessed with her pet homunculus that everything management-wise about the whole damn TOWN she's supposed to be LEADING is in shambles. IF I HAVE TO TELL ONE MORE SCHLUB THAT THE GREAT ORACLE IS UNABLE TO BE REACHED BECAUSE SHES HAVING A GREAT VISION MEANWHILE SHES GETTING WINE DRUNK GRAFTING SKIN ONTO CHICKEN WIRE IM GONNA LOSE IT. IM GONNA LOSE IT!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!

[spheciform]

FUCK MY STUPID FUCKING GAY JESTER LIFE I HATE MY FUCKING JOB

So following a horrible break up (iykyk) I took a job as the jester for this woman who's claiming to be an oracle and kind of leads her own autonomous community out in the wasteland. TOTALLY a cult but like the people are really nice so it's nbd. And like. For a while the job is fine I'm doing my thing (performing is easy when these people only know like 3 songs, simians rotating simians will always be a hit), find out my liege is like kind of a milf (awesome) but kind of an awful parent. It's whatever, I feel bad for the kid but she's out of the picture now. Anyways my liege also got into amateur robotics a few years back and like at first it was great because she'd keep me around playing while she works on her project so I was getting really good hours, but like since everything went down with her daughter she's kind of gone off the deep end with this thing and it's like TOO many hours you know? And now since I'm her most loyal supporter she's asking me to do all these things for her and it was great at first because I really felt like her favorite subject but like. She's building a whole ass person in there and I'm not really sure it's good for her and now she keeps asking me to source more hair because she's stuck she KEEPS PUTTING HAIR ON IT!!! AND THAT SHIT IS BOAR HAIR!!! HAVE YOU EVER SLAIN A WILD BOAR?? WHAT ABOUT 50??? I CANT EVEN USE FIREBALL BECAUSE SHE NEEDS EVERY SINGLE HAIR. NOT TO MENTION IM TIRED OF LOOKING AT THAT THING TOO ITS REALLY DISTURBING!!! "Oh, jester, it's a hero of legend" "oh jester she's going to fix all our problems" WHY ARE YOU MAKING IT FUCKABLE!!! IN WHAT POSSIBLE WORLD WHERE YOU ARE DOING THIS OUT OF COMPLETE UNBIASED ACCURACY TO ORIGINAL TEXT (which I KNOW she's barely read anyways) DOES THAT INVOLVE FIGURING OUT A WAY TO MAKE IT SWEAT!!! I AM SCARED!!! THIS THING IS GOING TO COME TO LIFE ONE DAY AND SHAMBLE AROUND AND BREAK SOMEONES LEGS. I HAVE SEEN THE STRESS TEST. IT CAN KILL PEOPLE. IT WILL KILL PEOPLE. Not to MENTION my liege is so fucking obsessed with her pet homunculus that everything management-wise about the whole damn TOWN she's supposed to be LEADING is in shambles. IF I HAVE TO TELL ONE MORE SCHLUB THAT THE GREAT ORACLE IS UNABLE TO BE REACHED BECAUSE SHES HAVING A GREAT VISION MEANWHILE SHES GETTING WINE DRUNK GRAFTING SKIN ONTO CHICKEN WIRE IM GONNA LOSE IT. IM GONNA LOSE IT!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!

[spheciform]

FUCK MY STUPID FUCKING GAY JESTER LIFE I HATE MY FUCKING JOB

So following a horrible break up (iykyk) I took a job as the jester for this woman who's claiming to be an oracle and kind of leads her own autonomous community out in the wasteland. TOTALLY a cult but like the people are really nice so it's nbd. And like. For a while the job is fine I'm doing my thing (performing is easy when these people only know like 3 songs, simians rotating simians will always be a hit), find out my liege is like kind of a milf (awesome) but kind of an awful parent. It's whatever, I feel bad for the kid but she's out of the picture now. Anyways my liege also got into amateur robotics a few years back and like at first it was great because she'd keep me around playing while she works on her project so I was getting really good hours, but like since everything went down with her daughter she's kind of gone off the deep end with this thing and it's like TOO many hours you know? And now since I'm her most loyal supporter she's asking me to do all these things for her and it was great at first because I really felt like her favorite subject but like. She's building a whole ass person in there and I'm not really sure it's good for her and now she keeps asking me to source more hair because she's stuck she KEEPS PUTTING HAIR ON IT!!! AND THAT SHIT IS BOAR HAIR!!! HAVE YOU EVER SLAIN A WILD BOAR?? WHAT ABOUT 50??? I CANT EVEN USE FIREBALL BECAUSE SHE NEEDS EVERY SINGLE HAIR. NOT TO MENTION IM TIRED OF LOOKING AT THAT THING TOO ITS REALLY DISTURBING!!! "Oh, jester, it's a hero of legend" "oh jester she's going to fix all our problems" WHY ARE YOU MAKING IT FUCKABLE!!! IN WHAT POSSIBLE WORLD WHERE YOU ARE DOING THIS OUT OF COMPLETE UNBIASED ACCURACY TO ORIGINAL TEXT (which I KNOW she's barely read anyways) DOES THAT INVOLVE FIGURING OUT A WAY TO MAKE IT SWEAT!!! I AM SCARED!!! THIS THING IS GOING TO COME TO LIFE ONE DAY AND SHAMBLE AROUND AND BREAK SOMEONES LEGS. I HAVE SEEN THE STRESS TEST. IT CAN KILL PEOPLE. IT WILL KILL PEOPLE. Not to MENTION my liege is so fucking obsessed with her pet homunculus that everything management-wise about the whole damn TOWN she's supposed to be LEADING is in shambles. IF I HAVE TO TELL ONE MORE SCHLUB THAT THE GREAT ORACLE IS UNABLE TO BE REACHED BECAUSE SHES HAVING A GREAT VISION MEANWHILE SHES GETTING WINE DRUNK GRAFTING SKIN ONTO CHICKEN WIRE IM GONNA LOSE IT. IM GONNA LOSE IT!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!

[spheciform]

FUCK MY STUPID FUCKING GAY JESTER LIFE I HATE MY FUCKING JOB

So following a horrible break up (iykyk) I took a job as the jester for this woman who's claiming to be an oracle and kind of leads her own autonomous community out in the wasteland. TOTALLY a cult but like the people are really nice so it's nbd. And like. For a while the job is fine I'm doing my thing (performing is easy when these people only know like 3 songs, simians rotating simians will always be a hit), find out my liege is like kind of a milf (awesome) but kind of an awful parent. It's whatever, I feel bad for the kid but she's out of the picture now. Anyways my liege also got into amateur robotics a few years back and like at first it was great because she'd keep me around playing while she works on her project so I was getting really good hours, but like since everything went down with her daughter she's kind of gone off the deep end with this thing and it's like TOO many hours you know? And now since I'm her most loyal supporter she's asking me to do all these things for her and it was great at first because I really felt like her favorite subject but like. She's building a whole ass person in there and I'm not really sure it's good for her and now she keeps asking me to source more hair because she's stuck she KEEPS PUTTING HAIR ON IT!!! AND THAT SHIT IS BOAR HAIR!!! HAVE YOU EVER SLAIN A WILD BOAR?? WHAT ABOUT 50??? I CANT EVEN USE FIREBALL BECAUSE SHE NEEDS EVERY SINGLE HAIR. NOT TO MENTION IM TIRED OF LOOKING AT THAT THING TOO ITS REALLY DISTURBING!!! "Oh, jester, it's a hero of legend" "oh jester she's going to fix all our problems" WHY ARE YOU MAKING IT FUCKABLE!!! IN WHAT POSSIBLE WORLD WHERE YOU ARE DOING THIS OUT OF COMPLETE UNBIASED ACCURACY TO ORIGINAL TEXT (which I KNOW she's barely read anyways) DOES THAT INVOLVE FIGURING OUT A WAY TO MAKE IT SWEAT!!! I AM SCARED!!! THIS THING IS GOING TO COME TO LIFE ONE DAY AND SHAMBLE AROUND AND BREAK SOMEONES LEGS. I HAVE SEEN THE STRESS TEST. IT CAN KILL PEOPLE. IT WILL KILL PEOPLE. Not to MENTION my liege is so fucking obsessed with her pet homunculus that everything management-wise about the whole damn TOWN she's supposed to be LEADING is in shambles. IF I HAVE TO TELL ONE MORE SCHLUB THAT THE GREAT ORACLE IS UNABLE TO BE REACHED BECAUSE SHES HAVING A GREAT VISION MEANWHILE SHES GETTING WINE DRUNK GRAFTING SKIN ONTO CHICKEN WIRE IM GONNA LOSE IT. IM GONNA LOSE IT!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!

[spheciform]

FUCK MY STUPID FUCKING GAY JESTER LIFE I HATE MY FUCKING JOB

So following a horrible break up (iykyk) I took a job as the jester for this woman who's claiming to be an oracle and kind of leads her own autonomous community out in the wasteland. TOTALLY a cult but like the people are really nice so it's nbd. And like. For a while the job is fine I'm doing my thing (performing is easy when these people only know like 3 songs, simians rotating simians will always be a hit), find out my liege is like kind of a milf (awesome) but kind of an awful parent. It's whatever, I feel bad for the kid but she's out of the picture now. Anyways my liege also got into amateur robotics a few years back and like at first it was great because she'd keep me around playing while she works on her project so I was getting really good hours, but like since everything went down with her daughter she's kind of gone off the deep end with this thing and it's like TOO many hours you know? And now since I'm her most loyal supporter she's asking me to do all these things for her and it was great at first because I really felt like her favorite subject but like. She's building a whole ass person in there and I'm not really sure it's good for her and now she keeps asking me to source more hair because she's stuck she KEEPS PUTTING HAIR ON IT!!! AND THAT SHIT IS BOAR HAIR!!! HAVE YOU EVER SLAIN A WILD BOAR?? WHAT ABOUT 50??? I CANT EVEN USE FIREBALL BECAUSE SHE NEEDS EVERY SINGLE HAIR. NOT TO MENTION IM TIRED OF LOOKING AT THAT THING TOO ITS REALLY DISTURBING!!! "Oh, jester, it's a hero of legend" "oh jester she's going to fix all our problems" WHY ARE YOU MAKING IT FUCKABLE!!! IN WHAT POSSIBLE WORLD WHERE YOU ARE DOING THIS OUT OF COMPLETE UNBIASED ACCURACY TO ORIGINAL TEXT (which I KNOW she's barely read anyways) DOES THAT INVOLVE FIGURING OUT A WAY TO MAKE IT SWEAT!!! I AM SCARED!!! THIS THING IS GOING TO COME TO LIFE ONE DAY AND SHAMBLE AROUND AND BREAK SOMEONES LEGS. I HAVE SEEN THE STRESS TEST. IT CAN KILL PEOPLE. IT WILL KILL PEOPLE. Not to MENTION my liege is so fucking obsessed with her pet homunculus that everything management-wise about the whole damn TOWN she's supposed to be LEADING is in shambles. IF I HAVE TO TELL ONE MORE SCHLUB THAT THE GREAT ORACLE IS UNABLE TO BE REACHED BECAUSE SHES HAVING A GREAT VISION MEANWHILE SHES GETTING WINE DRUNK GRAFTING SKIN ONTO CHICKEN WIRE IM GONNA LOSE IT. IM GONNA LOSE IT!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!

[spheciform]

FUCK MY STUPID FUCKING GAY JESTER LIFE I HATE MY FUCKING JOB

So following a horrible break up (iykyk) I took a job as the jester for this woman who's claiming to be an oracle and kind of leads her own autonomous community out in the wasteland. TOTALLY a cult but like the people are really nice so it's nbd. And like. For a while the job is fine I'm doing my thing (performing is easy when these people only know like 3 songs, simians rotating simians will always be a hit), find out my liege is like kind of a milf (awesome) but kind of an awful parent. It's whatever, I feel bad for the kid but she's out of the picture now. Anyways my liege also got into amateur robotics a few years back and like at first it was great because she'd keep me around playing while she works on her project so I was getting really good hours, but like since everything went down with her daughter she's kind of gone off the deep end with this thing and it's like TOO many hours you know? And now since I'm her most loyal supporter she's asking me to do all these things for her and it was great at first because I really felt like her favorite subject but like. She's building a whole ass person in there and I'm not really sure it's good for her and now she keeps asking me to source more hair because she's stuck she KEEPS PUTTING HAIR ON IT!!! AND THAT SHIT IS BOAR HAIR!!! HAVE YOU EVER SLAIN A WILD BOAR?? WHAT ABOUT 50??? I CANT EVEN USE FIREBALL BECAUSE SHE NEEDS EVERY SINGLE HAIR. NOT TO MENTION IM TIRED OF LOOKING AT THAT THING TOO ITS REALLY DISTURBING!!! "Oh, jester, it's a hero of legend" "oh jester she's going to fix all our problems" WHY ARE YOU MAKING IT FUCKABLE!!! IN WHAT POSSIBLE WORLD WHERE YOU ARE DOING THIS OUT OF COMPLETE UNBIASED ACCURACY TO ORIGINAL TEXT (which I KNOW she's barely read anyways) DOES THAT INVOLVE FIGURING OUT A WAY TO MAKE IT SWEAT!!! I AM SCARED!!! THIS THING IS GOING TO COME TO LIFE ONE DAY AND SHAMBLE AROUND AND BREAK SOMEONES LEGS. I HAVE SEEN THE STRESS TEST. IT CAN KILL PEOPLE. IT WILL KILL PEOPLE. Not to MENTION my liege is so fucking obsessed with her pet homunculus that everything management-wise about the whole damn TOWN she's supposed to be LEADING is in shambles. IF I HAVE TO TELL ONE MORE SCHLUB THAT THE GREAT ORACLE IS UNABLE TO BE REACHED BECAUSE SHES HAVING A GREAT VISION MEANWHILE SHES GETTING WINE DRUNK GRAFTING SKIN ONTO CHICKEN WIRE IM GONNA LOSE IT. IM GONNA LOSE IT!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!

[real-language-facts]

noobnouns - pronouns - hackernouns - godnouns

[kitschyfemme]

having collaborative ocs with friends will have you saying shit like "what if scimble was bumpus wouldnt that be funny" and then like two weeks later its one of the most important pieces of lore you have

[unification]

*torturing you* dude trust me, something really cool happens. you just have to reflect on it for a bit. i'm doing this because i want you to reach your full potential okay?

[itwashotwestayedinthewater]

Play games win prizes

[holohedral]

wildflowers thriving on the side of the road i see you i love you girls

[holohedral]

wildflowers thriving on the side of the road i see you i love you girls