Domestic violence – A choking knot
On hearing the word “Home,” our mind inevitably transports to a familiar comfort zone, and its calming effect can be felt at any given moment. Home has a different connotation for us. For some people, the word ‘home’ means memories of a countryside or a small cozy bed next to a window. What memory we may have of our home, the overarching emotion is always that of love, comfort and a sense of belonging.
Can you now force yourself to think of a scenario of living in your home with a feeling of fear, emotional torture or physical injustice? It’s an uneasy feeling, right? Unfortunately, this is a reality for many women living in our cities, towns and villages who continue to suffer from domestic violence; the assaulter being none other than their own spouse.
In India, since childhood girls are often made to believe that marriage is their only gateway to enter a life filled with love, bliss and companionship. Other than the common expectations of their respective families, the sacred word of marriage is considered as a promise between two souls to mutually respect, overcome every obstacle and live together as popularly captioned “Happily Ever After.” Imagine the mental state of a woman, when her “prince charming,” “the better half,” stabs the very essence of that belief. With every blow, every slap, her dream of a happy life metamorphose to the experience of a living hell.
What is even more frightening is that this is the condition of every third woman in India, who suffer from sexual and physical violence within the confines of their own homes. It is ironic that in a country where the dominant religion is graced with female goddesses in various avatars and where festivals are celebrated in their honour- the very existence of women is threatened across the nation and within the confinement of their home.
What is alarming is the fact that there is no limit to which man skinned monsters can go to prove their dominance; instances of inflicting burns, throwing acid or cutting the body parts are to name a few. To intentionally lock someone in the dark or keeping an animal as a ploy to trigger the phobia questions the existence of humanity left in such people. In other acts of barbarity, there have been news reports of men forcing their wives to have physical relationships with friends or cases of wives being used as bait in business or profession. All this may sound beyond belief but unfortunately it is a regular crime in our society.
It is a common notion that people who commit suicide go to hell. My opinion changed when I saw a victim of domestic violence in a hospital with chopped off fingers.
To make things worse, violence within homes is often ignored because legal systems and cultural norms view domestic violence as a private affair that should be handled within the family by its members. Objectification of women and the belief that women exist for the satisfaction of men’s personal, sexual, emotional and physical needs continues to be prevalent in many parts of our society. Hence the legal system often turns a blind eye and ends up being lenient towards the handling of cases of domestic violence.
Can you put yourself in the place of a father who finds red marks of a violent slap on the face of her daughter? It is ironic that more often than not, the woman in question and her family remain silent for the sake of the family’s honour and the future of the marriage.
Indeed, it is time to shake the roots and question the benefit of such marriages? Parents should be more attentive towards their newlywed daughters and should not ignore signs of abuse in the early stages. Turning a blind eye towards their daughter’s plight could not just lead to prolonged physical abuse but also death.
Indian Law system has recognized Dowry as a social evil and has passed significant laws to protect women; however it does not acknowledge the existence of “marital rape” if the wife is older than 15 years of age. There are multiple reasons for this, as well. There have been multiple cases of the Dowry Law being misused by women and their families to extract money from their spouse and his family. Such miscreants should feel responsible for the women who get affected by the harassment and atrocities.
There are many support groups and NGO’s dedicated towards working with victims of domestic violence. The fear of judgment and societal dissociation is a heavyweight under which they often die. We have to stand up and challenge this societal practice, which validates that a girl can be treated as a human punch bag by her life partner or his family only because she is married to a man. I object and defy this ideology, would you stand up with me?