it was a regular day in the lfctc office, the sun poking through the clouds and gently illuminating the room. not that anyone noticed, mind, as all of the members were absorbed collecting cats and raking in fish.
“i haven’t gotten guy furry yet,” mary-lynn moaned. “it’s been two days.”
“i bought this pillow for xerxes, and pep keeps sitting on it,” ana said.
mary-lynn shot up. “you have a cat named pep?”
“yeah, so? you have two cats named xavi,” ana said, not taking her eyes off her phone.
there was a sudden burst of noise in the room, and all of the girls ducked down to dodge laurel’s phone, which was flying at them. “you have two cats named after xavi, the most annoying person on the whole planet?”
mary-lynn raised herself up from under the table. “um, yes,” she said meekly.
“you have two cats named xavi, and no cats named after me?”
“i--i’m sorry, but i don’t have any more cats to name after you,” mary-lynn said. “and i didn’t name two cats xavi on purpose, i ju--”
before she could finish explaining herself in a frantic effort to hide her xavi kink, laurel was already out the door and marching to the pitch. the other girls followed, shooting each other worried looks, until they caught sight of xavi measuring the grass length carefully with a ruler.
“what...the fuck…” tiffany said, looking at him with bewilderment while laurel marched up to him in her crusade.
“WHY! ARE YOU LIKE THIS!” laurel screamed. “the pitch was just renovated, it’s fine!!”
now xavi was on his feet, and the two of them were looking at each other in the eye. “it’s not fine! this grass is too long to play pure, beautiful football. i will need to speak with the groundsmen at once.”
“i don’t even understand why you’re here. you never play, you can’t press, and your shirts aren’t even the highest selling. all you do is sit around and complain about the grass and bake ca--”
“my cakes are delicious, thank you very much, and the groundsmen appreciate my efforts!”
“don’t interrupt me. i’m going to get to the point. why do you have two cats named after you in neko atsume?”
everyone turned to look over at mary-lynn, who swallowed.
“xavi is a nice name,” she said. “and technically, one of them is named xavi 2.”
they all stood there, stunned, until they heard a large, booming, “ENOUGH!” from behind them. everyone jumped.
“neko atsume is bringing down this football club!” jürgen bellowed. “you all need to be working, not measuring the grass and fighting over virtual cats.”
“sir, i would just like you to know that liverpool football club is a club that i respect deeply, steeped in histo--” xavi started.
“you need to teach the U-18s how to pass,” klopp said, “and maybe some people on the first team while you’re at it.”
they all shuffled back through the tunnel, heads down, klopp herding them through in the process. “i am very disappointed in you all today,” he said.
“but,” he continued, his tone lighter, “i am glad that i was able to get angry without my translator around.”
they all let out breaths that they didn’t know they were holding.
“so,” tiffany said, after a moment of silence, “is it okay if i name one of my cats after ribéry?”
prguitarman
blakekathryn
yousharknotpass
ellievsbear
germansingergirl
