unending excruciating brainrot

Ilarion | 20 | ID/EN/CN | any pronouns help I fucked up my html @ilarion on AO3, @draftsbin is my main :> blog exclusively dedicated to archive my writing/fanfiction things!

[ilarion-src]

okkkk I HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT TBW (omg this chud can think now?? milestone!!)

COUGH WHO SAID THAT

Anyways, I really feel the angst in this chap, esp w Smilk feeling like a burden to the rest of his family, and Bsaph… omg i relate to him so much broooo

like, i also act as a caretaker to one of my relatives, (we talk on the phone, and i just pretend im happy lmao) and it CAN get frustrating at times, but you know its for a good reason

AND THE INTERNAL CONFLICT HE HAS WITH THAT IS JUST SO WELL WRITTEN. YOU GOT THE GUILT AND THE FRUSTRATION DOWN PAT.

so, i ask u this:

are you in my walls, learning from my experience? /j

but fr, u good?

—Naivety from AO3 (omg i have a tumblrrr)

I mean I did say that TBW is my college burnout vent fic dressed up in a neat Academy canon divergence AU shaped bow so.. hehe :]

AnD hello there naivety!!! Always love to see a regular :>

Glad the whole thingg resonated cause I kid you not the whole Bsaph section was just word vomit for 2k in one sitting HAHA.. and yes I live in ur walls rent free real thank you for the compliments I'll be here all day every day in ur every waking hour. Jk I hope your relative is alright now though :( it rly can be frustrating in the worst way possible. Do take care of urself as well!!

I am good dw but emotions wise while I wish I could say it's def because I live in ur walls the reality is often disappointing. My mom had depression through my hs years and it hit the family bad, her health was pretty frail too so it left me to handle the house and be her sorta therapist HAHA

She's much better now thankfully :] road to healing ragchchh speaking of healing I am worried about the last two chapters cause 43 also broke my outline and now because Bsapph stole the spotlight he needs another conversation with clown before I can reasonably get away with tossing him out of the City (which he will also have feelings about.. sighs)

[eldritchred]

sage of truth design for an au @ilarion-src and i came up with !! in short, sage's timeline destabilizes after timekeeper tells them everything so she brings them on to work at the tbd after arc 2 :] shenanigans ensue! also sagekeeper yuri.

extras under the cut

theyre absolutely flirting by the end of their chapters im sorry i am so gone for sagekeeper guys its so over for me im done

[ilarion-src]

The more I look at this the more I just cannott wait to write more of this au plspls I need themmm they are just sO UNEXPECTEDLY GOOD IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE I cannot wait to sell this ship to all of you because I will and you can quote me on that (fyi I still ship pvsm and hell pvwl more ships = more happiness guys trust trust give it a chance)

SAGEE being canon to the storyline gives me many feelings I haven't put on paper (blame finals and the shit ton of presentations I have up coming) but sage yes sage hELLO THERE GORGEOUS OH MYY god red ur clowns are such gender my envy for them is through the damn roof and this clown specifically ugrhhgh

Rambling under the cut

I love love love them so much (yes them truther here) and noW WE GET THE SKIRT IN ALL ITS GLORY the lines the shading the ruffles and dramatically long coattails I liveee for it the fit everyTHING I like how you touched up the vest too hehe the star ornaments on the collar and their sleeves their sleevess it's suchhhh ruffly floof swishy and godd tbd's whole steampunk aesthetic really does work so well with clown it is actually ridiculous how good they look

also I see those earrings red I See Them and I will have words to say to you about it later but heheahebde I love it so much and their glasses too of course they have glasses we should draw sages/founts with glasses more often

AND AND!! that pOSE THAT POSE LOOK AT THEMM AREN'T THEY THE SLAYEST EVER goddd the skirt is giving me life it's so gorgeous with the ruffles and everything godd aibsda it connecting to the corset too ahdsa beautiful beauty such beauty such grace the vestless version somehow looks even more elegant than the yes-vest one and u even spoil us with a different cuff design the cuffs the sleeves the ornaments and the hairr thE HAIRR

are they nott the prettiest fount uve ever seen omg ashdbsa the bow at the end of the hair too that is so cute and it has that clock hand things TK sports that is honestly so adorable and I am losingg itt the glasses too the GLASSESSS we get a glasses on version arahdsa the gears on the left lense I want a cool glasses like that

(Continues to scream in a pitch incomprehensible to human ears)

[ilarion-src]

ILAAAAAA heyy are you doing okay? :))

just a little worried because it's been more than a week w/o notice or updates and that doesn't seem like you

Completely understand if you're drowning in school work or something, I just want to know of you're wellbeing and what the AO3 author curse threw at you this time

Hope you're doing well :)

Tldr cause this got long:

not dead forgot update will do soon thank u <3

Longer version:

IM ALIVE because god help me I will not die to anything less than the misery of slowly watching my joints degenerate and my muscles lose their mass as every abuse I've put this sack of flesh I'm stuffed into return to bite me in the ass when I'm old and wrinkly

Thank you for checking in that's very sweet and yeah I did forget to edit the notes for an update very sorry I did not think it'd take so long. Life is well but my mental health refuses to believe it so we are stuck at a stalemate in this eternal battle that I have against myself over our own questionable decisions

And the new tbw chapter is shit heavy and I feel called out every time I read it again but it's too important to half-ass so it may take longer. And maybe end somewhere in the 8-10k range. Ffs. I willll finish it though worry nott

[crisisavert3d]

Art for their majesty, @ilarion-src! Specifically of this snippet from their fanfic, To be Worthy! I don’t know how to link it tho (T///T)

They’ve been keeping me sane for months; I had to contribute to this masterpiece. 3 cheers for the traumatized gays!

[ilarion-src]

Anyway aheM omgomgomg CAPPPLEE CAPPLEEE MY BABYYYYY SCREEE THANK YOU FOR DRAWING HER AND GIVING HER JUSTICE YEAHHHH MY CAMPAIGN OF #LETCAPPLESAYACTUALWORDS IS PROCEEDING AS PLANNED /hj

No but I kid you not I can rant all day about how upset capple's canon dialogue makes me she can be so much more than what she's given I am so sad. Anyway onto your beautiful gorgeous art :

HER FACEEE AHDHDA HER FACEE REALLY IS THE HIGHLIGHT OF IT oh my god it never fails to make me laugh you captured the horror/shock/disgust so well it's hilarious!! I love the cartoonyy wide blurry pupils and the sweat drop anD her browssss it really adds to it. Also nice lashes we so appreciate sharp lashes in this house. AND EARSS!! YOU GAVE HER THE LONG EARS CLOWN IS OFTEN DEPICTED WITH HELL YEAHHHHH

I love love how you draw the candy apples though it's actually so cute and more balanced with the artstyle.. canon capples bigass decorations makes me wonder how she gets around without falling over. AND!! The hair!! I honestly did not notice if she had the little ponytail thing in canon I might have to look at her cookie form again to confirm but it is actually so cute HAHA I love how theres a bit of it falling over one shoulder. The bows tooo the bowsss raGHHHH adorable!!!!

And the background pixelated image.. I do wonder what that is but agjdh comedy.. absolute comedy. Also just,, her having one hand curled against her chest hehrheh aND THE 3RD POV FOOTAGE IN THE CORNER PV i sEE YOU SMILING PV (I appreciate that u did draw the doodles actually cuddling thats so cute)

ANOTHER ONE TO GO ON MY WALL RWGCHHHHH I NEED TO EXPAND THE WALL.. MAKE PROPER FRAMES FOR EVERYTHING AFEFJHh I digress thANK YOU SO MUCH I AM GLAD U LIKE MY SILLIES <3

[ilarion-src]

It reasonated with me so hard i had to put the bullshit into my sketchbook permanently

Ts is canon, i told myself

Alr its like, late at night, thats why its kinda ass but its fine

Wdym its ass warcher's face is such gold and I see the reference to the wheezing meme that's so funny omf HAHAHA

BERRYYYY u draw her exactlyyy like I imagine her yes she is dum yes she is a menace.. truly more of an overprotective (but ultimately harmless) guard dog than any sheep..

Happy the shenanigans resonated with you :>

[ilarion-src]

I BEAR GIFTS LIKE I SAID I WOULD

the quality is kinda not in the room with us but i kinda got ran over the other day so i couldn't send this

also the sketch cuz i was having so much problems with berry

Oh YOOOO THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! HOLYY I am so sorryyy the weeks been insane and I've nott.. been checking tumblr much;;;

BUT AAAAAAA ART!! LOOK AT THEM CUDDLING THATS ADORABLEEEE I love love the texture you used it really adds to the coloursss aND PV PV being a messy sleeper will always be my hc look at him and his limbs splayed everywhere anD BERRYY BERRYY they all look so cute in your style it is actually ridiculous (in a good wayy)

I also see that little detail in how clowns hands r bandaged even though most of it is off screen that is very cool I appreciate!! And the IV line yessss

Everything just looks so softtt so nice.. such domesticity.. their peaceful faces as they snoozeee.. and Berry's lil (stupID AHAHAHAHA) face I am sorry for making u draw a sheep u did great though!! Thank you so muchhh for sharingg means the world to meee <333

[eldritchred]

so ive had this little idea for a fangame about the fount for a while and uhmmmmm here is some concept art i drew today !! im not suuuree how much i want to say about it yet but the basic concept is like. fount slowly loses his mind as he does sorting/filing around the spire,.. with at least 3 endings probably... yea. yippee :]

separated versions under the cut

[ilarion-src]

losing my mind over this internal screaming I adore the lighting I adore how smol he looks dwarfed by the architecture of the building his entire life is centered around there's so much fun imagery and symbolism to dig ur claws into there and I can yap for thousands of words about this

[ilarion-src]

illarion(woohoo i got it right) i am going to get you

Yeeeaaahhhhh chapter 32

I uhhh

did something

With transcripts cuz my handwriting is highkey ass

X RIP souljam / 50/50 chance my art looks good ngl

I give up / i swear im not a.i. i hate hands / sry gang / we have designs?

Illarion ILYSM my handwriting sucks / artistst whats spellg / but yayyy (artist problem) / W H A T T H E H E L L / TBW Chapter 32 / I HATE ENGLISH / is yummy im going / ALSKDJJSKDJF / to eat you / (dont mind my english fueled crash out) / stupid -> / jail?! Thats, like, bad? / Empty space for me

If that blue twink gets a bad ending like jail or death im going to remove your ability to speak chinese

holY FUCK I AM SO SORRY I COMPLETELY MISSED THIS AHDAHAHHAHA helllooooo thank you for drawing hee look at him you draw him so cute it is unfair

I ALso adore the way you draw the mic? it looks so coooll and lowkey somewhat fit how I imagined it omg GREAT JObbbbb

Relate on the english I hate english as well and n o worry not I will not give the blue clown a bad ending.. fingers crossed. It'll tkae a while tho HASAHAAH THANK you so mcuh I adore ur artstyle it is adorable!!!

[ilarion-src]

llearion ough chaper 31 of tbw im going to get you i lysm llearion

Am i fucking mispelling your name again im so sorry

Thank you for the sunday chapter in this economy 🫶🫵

FhAHDHDHAHA I just woke up and this is a super nice thing to wake up to yOOO!!! Thank you so much.. and that's super fast wth dude I just posted yesterday (its alr Monday my time HAHA)

I love your artstyle!! I cannot think of what it reminds me of rn but it's so lovely and I do have a fondness for pen sketches (how tf did you do that with a pen on paper oh my god the lines are so clean!! Great job)

The blank expression.. mm that crashout do hit hard and it's not even his first fhAHAH mMM the bloodied hands and THE EYEEE!! You did not hold back in drawing that stabbed eye ohhhh god it's so good (and horrifying)

I do love the pose too and the outfit you've put him in is honestly really nice!! ...I see those earrings too I am getting fond of it not gonnaclie it looks so gOod its canon now. I also appreciate the bow.. and the detail of the blood dripping down his right sleeve ;v;

Rip soul jam o7 shouldve not stabbed it clown

[eldritchred]

hi again @learion i drew ur clown again. this time it is. uhm. a whole entire reference sheet of me working out how his outfit functions + some personal hcs :]

not. figuring this out. for any future reason in particular no sir (LYING)

[ilarion-src]

mad ramblings down below

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I digress yes hello CAN I SAY THAT I appreciate how messy you've made his hair HAHA it looks so floofy and I do appreciate a good hair floof

I hereby declare the bulletpoints canon cause honestly yes genius idea y e s he does have his hair sticking out everywhere and yes bro is getting white hairs and in denial about it ur a single parent with two kids and three jobs clown you aint fooling anyone

ALso are those earrings I see and hELL THEY'RE EVEN DIFFERENT FOR EACH EAR (I love the pointy ears) hehehhe sun and stars and moon and piercings of course he would that absolute diva

THE COLLAR THING.. I swear I wanted to make that plot relevant but I supposed literally making him wear a collar would be a bit too much so I stuck to shackles. Tho there was that one dream scene where he was literally chained by the collar aha.. hm that's giving me nice inspirations for future chaps

This clown would so hate canon Smilk's jester fit those neck ruffles look restricting asf (or I might just be projecting gerd makes me hate having anything around my neck aha.) but yes exposed collar tsk tsk

And! THE FIT!! THE FITTTT!!!

I see you have changed some details omg AND THE CAPE!! THE HALF CAPE THING!! IT MAKES SENSE!! screams (my wife designed most of his fit but that half cape was my personal contribution thank you for doing it justice ahbdHAAH)

Now his pants are also poofy. I appreciate the poof.. and the extra details on his sleeve cuffs and the boots. Knee high boots we love to see it. He may be half dead on a daily basis but u ain't ever seeing that clown not well dressed in public

Also idk what it is about the designs of those cuff sleeves that tickle my brain it is so nice!! I adore!! And ofc defined shapes for the rest of the boot that makes it look oddly sharp.. hm impulsive thought of having him kick someone with those boots though I can't imagine how u keep balance with those I trip over my own feet daily

I also see that line thing on his right picket that connects all the way back over the cape and his shoulder I have no idea what that is called but it is very cool and I'd like u to know that. Appreciate the close up on the sash thing too It somehow makes sense and I appreciate that

TINY STAR DETAILS ITS EVERYWHERE ITS O N HIS SLEEVE ON THE EDGE OF THE CAPE AND ON THE COAT TAIL THINGS it looks so tiny and shiny.. shINYYYY

lastly hehe look at that tiny pony tail his hair is so god damn long u made it even longer how does that man manage it

Maybe I need to do a hair care fic it has been a while.. wait I can totally do that in the larger fic GREAT IDEA YES

typed this on my laptop cause gerd forces me to be upright and my phone makes my headache worse so uh might have gotten carried away mb this is like 2.8k characters on the notepad HASHAHHA thank you so much tho I did not expect this at all and u certainly didn't have to go so far to the point of making a whole reference sheet

I need a better place on my wall…

[ilarion-src]

References | TBW

More of these and they're festival fits.. except not really because these two are so god damn lazy HAHA

Beret is there because the new gen hates how the triangle hat looks so one senior invented a new one and now everyone wears it instead of the traditional cone hat. It's canon because I said so (it's actually because I couldn't find a way to make the stupid hat work on PJuice cough)

Triangle hat ref.. and colours kinda but the colours are different..ish.

[norimiao]

“‘I don't want to be happy!’Blueberry Milk screams into the empty room, a lie so profound it feels like a physical blow to his own ribs. ‘I want to be useful! I want—’

The crack rings loud.”

holy shit that line is fire Σ（ﾟдﾟlll）anyways so like. fount of knowledge/blueberry milk cookie tweaking tf out i feel you man. really had fun drawing this ayayayyayayayayay also here i am realizing that fount of knowledge’s yellow eye was the one that actually turned cyan but i’m a dumbass so like whatever

To Be Worthy on ao3 by @learion they’re an amazing writer ts is so peak oh my gosh 🩵 i am foaming at the mouth for this fic

drawing shadow milk is so fun i hate his ass(semi-lovingly) but his design is so fire,,his hair is absolute hell tho

first time posting on tumblr i’ve been prowling the pages of vox(hazbin) fanart for few months however (⁎⁍̴̛ᴗ⁍̴̛⁎)

[ilarion-src]

Fun fact I woke up at 5 am because GERD was being a bitch to me and thought I hallucinated seeing this entire post before I opened my tumblr and thERE IT IS OH MY GOD

COLOURS!!!! I've been struggling with that my entire life but yOOOOOOOOOOOO HOW DO YOU MAKE THAT WORK IT'S ALL JUST BLUE (albeit with some gold but I digress) BUT IT ALL BLENDS IN SO BEAUTIFULLLYU SCREE3WEEXHH

Warning extensive yapping below

I feel you with the blue clown's awful hair I've only ever drawn it exactly the way devsis does and it is still fuckass ahem excuse my language but YEAH the hair!!!! Ths HAIR!!! I like how you made one side sparkly but the other side more canon compliant Shadow Milk DHDHAHA its such a nice detail and them stupid eyes as well ugh they're just staring at me right from the screen

AND!! The way it drames his face I love how its kind of a hot mess but you still remembered to draw that line thing I always forget for the monocle (I am ashamed as a glasses wearer but in my defense I don't know how you monocle and also I see that slight circle thing on the glass what is that called I need to google it but I gotta go outside in like five minutes)

His face too his face oeughh that hits me right where it hurts dear me look at him mid crash out haha suffer like you made me suffer cough excuse me anyway yes look at his corrupted eye I appreciate that you've given it that ever so slightly shaky appearance he really is crashing hard and the tears mmm yes the tears make him cry harder. Eyebrows are also underrated imo even more than those sharpass teeth tsk tsk clown, but also fr though that way you made him scrunch his eyebrows god that hits hard I only ever see that on people who either have a massive headache or are just inconsolably sobbing

And the eyes the eyes all around him in colours that are totally not suspicious mhm mhm totes doesnt resemble anyone else haha

I also appreciate the visualisation for the crack on the soul jam it looks great and so does his clawy hands anD the two versions omg ur spoiling me

Ps dont sweat it about the eye lol I write that horrible fic and I keep forgetting which eye it is

[eldritchred]

smilk from the fic to be worthy by @learion !! its literally the exact same pose as the reference sheet but ive been soooo eager 2 draw the guy i didnt wait to figure out a new pose to draw him in HAHA.. anyway i loveee this fic and i loveeee this freak and i! am really hoping i can get out from under my own mountain of academia-related issues soon so i can draw more of him <3

[ilarion-src]

WaAit WAIT OH MY GOD TUMBLR DID NOT GIVE ME THE NOTIFICATION FOR THIS????

But also how in the Witch's ovens dID YOU FINISH THIS SO QUICKLY ENCKENC EXCUSE ME OH MY GODDDD LOOK AT HIMMMM THAT AWFUL CLOWN RENDERED IN ACTUAL CLEAN LINES AND COLOURS THAT MAKE MORE SENSE YOOOOOOOOOOO

I DO LOVE HOW UVE MADE HIS SLEEVES PUFFY IT FITS SO MUCH BETTER?? AND THE BOOTSSSSS THE BOOTS I SEE THOSE HEELS CLOWN U ABSOLUTE DIVA

THIS IS SO SCRUMPTIOUS I COULD EAT IT UP I am printing this and it is going on my wall thank you so much holy shit

...also heh I see that waist lowkey u made that waist so snatched HDHHAHAHAHA 1000/10 linking this on my next end notes and forcing everyone to look at it

Godspeed on ur academia journey I am also drowning haha... junior year putting me in a grinder the way I'm putting the clown through one. Fic is how I cope... ffs still can't believe it's been a year

[ilarion-src]

No idea how this works but haha (puts your clown in a jar and shakes him around)

I hate this actually it looks so much better in 300x speed

[ilarion-src]

W to devsisters for not pulling that fakeout at the very end of episode 15

[ilarion-src]

References | TBW

Another one for a major minor OC for that fic!

It makes sense why they're plot relevant-ish I swear.. I only ever made them because I couldn't find any other cookie that can fill the role of mentor/mirror to PV. Hate that they're now relevant to my plot progression even though its efficient storytelling urgh

TBW in-world takes place in kind of peace times where SM/BM never fell and the world progressed into semi-technological stage but with magic and things. Flower City is on the other side of the globe, and in-world there are multiple languages that cookies speak cause it is more fun to me that way!

The English equivalent in the world is "Vanillian" cause most of the cookie population are Vanillians. We categorize based on main ingredient though I try to stick to the pre-established stuff like the ancients' and the beasts' (i.e berry, cacao/choco, cheese, vanilla, flowers, base ingredients like spice/salt)

This one in particular speaks fluent Vanillian (English) and Flourish (Mandarin Chinese.. and Cantonese too though I haven't shown the latter in the fic itself. It is alluded to though HAHA)

SM/BM speaks all as the Fount of Knowledge (insert sparkles here), but there are things even he doesn't know.. which is Cantonese. If you've read the fic yes that's why clown couldn't understand some dialogue between Camellia & Chamomile.

[ilarion-src]

References | TBW

More self-indulgent doodles cause I felt like drawing PV

This is for a fic of mine, still ongoing though.. 18 something chapters left to go someone kill me right now