Are you suffering from 5CN Bubonic Tempestercore?
A completely new disease is being spread throughout the UK, affecting millions. Thousands of students are missing school, and the workforce has suffered significantly with the current rise in staff being forced to stay at home. The extent of the disease's symptoms and their severity is yet unknown.
In most cases, it starts with a sore throat, that gets worse, which is then joined by a headache, and general cold symptoms (sneezing, runny nose). After two days or so, it progresses into a fever (often severe, described by most as "unbearable"). It is not yet known how dangerous it is, but it is highly contagious and can spread to several hundred people in a matter of hours in enclosed, highly populated spaces such as schools.
If you start to show symptoms of 5CN Bubonic Tempestercore, take action immediately. Stock up on tissues and paracetamol, stay away from highly populated spaces, isolate yourself from all human contact, build a den in your home with a cinema in it, binge watch all of brooklyn nine nine without taking any breaks, make an imaginary friend, name them Paul, remove your limbs and blast them into space.
Keep yourself, and others around you, safe. Spread awareness of 5CN Bubonic Tempestercore. Avoid situations where spreading 5CN Bubonic Tempestercore to others is possible.
This has been an announcement by the LIGMA (Lethal Illness Global Management Association).
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