but it does… so much

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@ilovemraz
but it does… so much
people come and go and i guess you were just another one of the latter.
journal excerpt #8 - 07/27/19
“i poured my heart into yours and tried to fill it.”
—
but it still wasn’t enough to make you stay.
is he okay
I dreamt about you after so long
Its been 8 months.
That is the length of our relationship. And it is also finally the length of our break up.
I still see you around and I loathe that idea but what can I do, but we are no longer interacting. We are avoiding each other for the betterment.
But the other day, I dreamt of you.
It felt so real.
You texted me. Once again. Asking normal questions.
I felt happy. I really do.
I woke up feeling sad because it was just a dream. And i know for the fact that it will never happen again. Ever.
You decided to leave. And i have decided to forget you eventhough I know I can't but I have to. It still hurts to think that you let me go for another girl.
And this very decision has affected me in so many things this year. How I could not stop seeing you in my vision even if I'm with someone else.
It is still you. The only one I see.
via vsco.co
Found this at a thrift store and it made me sad
Heart breaks after heart breaks.
I've lost so much this year and I thought losing you was bad enough. But I guess when you lose your mother, it taught you to be strong to let things go.
I'm finally able to breathe without thinking of you as much because my mother fills most of my thoughts on a daily basis.
I'm letting you go. For real. I hope. Because I'm coming to terms that you never loved me. You took me for granted. You used me. And everything that we were, was just an illusion created by me. It wasn't real. It was just heart ache for me.
I don't know how you can go on knowing you fucked my life up and made me miserable.
But it's okay.
I just want to forget you now and all the hurt you caused me. I want the year to end. To everything to end. Because 2019 was just really full of tests. I wish I was strong enough to be able to handle this but really falling into the depression hole day by day.
Please let it be a new year.
i want you to come back into my life
but im so scared that it will happen agai
the hurt
the betrayal
the lies
it still hurts whenever i think of what happened that night and the exact words you said and how it broke my heart so much up till this day
I know it hurts
I know it still does
But i can't help it, I want you back in my life.
I've been feeling so lonely and so empty. So stressed out and just angry lately and I realised that my only comfort was you back then.
I could run up to you. Hug you and just the stress will melt away.
You were my comfort, my solace, my home.
And i miss that.
But im trying to stop that urge from texting you but it's really hard because I don't have anyone and I've been feeling so low lately.
I wish I still come across your mind.