sunlight

21 & sleepy sideblog

[tls123]

by Frank O'Hara / id in alt

[ilyiad]

hope you are doing better wrt ur ex. much love. i am kind of in the same boat rn and i guess i just need to hear that itll dissipate

hello my friend 🤍 i am so sorry to hear that and am sending all my love. it’s been almost a year now for me and honestly at the time i felt like i was physically feeling my heart break in half. i remember feeling so frustrated when the only advice anyone had for me was to give it time; it hurts so bad and i feel like it’s the worst thing in the world just waiting and letting it happen and i find letting people go so unbelievably painful and it was really difficult those first few weeks i couldn’t eat I couldn’t sleep and for me I think part of it as well is that I felt so guilty even imagining moving on? like the idea that one day it wouldn’t hurt anymore and I wouldn’t care anymore felt like such a betrayal of all the good moments i almost didn’t want it to feel better?

all this to say i don’t know where you’re at but i know it hurts like a bitch and i promise you it feels better. let the people who love you take care of you, let yourself be a mess for a while, one day you stop itching to text them or call them and one day it hurts less and at some point you can look back at it with affection without it feeling so bad. it came and went for a while and then it got better. i lost that very physical weight on my chest. heartbreak is genuinely such a physical ache. there was a long time for me where i was just really angry and bitter over what happened even when it wasn’t hurting the same anymore and for a while i thought that was just how it was going to be and even that has kind of subsided and i wish him well even though i don’t think we’re going to get in touch again.

and i am dating someone else! i never in a million years saw him coming i fully expected to want to be alone for a good long time but i am so happy with him. it gets better. I think some people are in our lives for less time than we hoped or expected in the beginning and that feels impossible to bear when you lose them. but i promise it feels better

all my love and i hope you’re doing okay ❤️ look after yourself!! lean on your friends do whatever you can to take your mind off things and i hope you feel better very soon

[kafkasdiariies]

Venice, Gondoliers on the Grand Canal (detail), Carlo Grubacs (Italian, 1801–1878)

[sluttyhenrywinter]

richard papen was so real for being more upset at his friends not inviting him to a drug fuelled orgy than finding out they killed someone at said event

[aridante]

Hanif Abdurraqib, And What Good Will Your Vanity Be When The Rapture Comes

[kxowledge]

Sir Gawain and The Green Knight, tr. Armitage

[apoemaday]

Love After Love

by Derek Walcott

The time will come when, with elation, you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror and each will smile at the other’s welcome, and say, sit here. Eat. You will love again the stranger who was your self. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignored for another, who knows you by heart. Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, the photographs, the desperate notes, peel your own image from the mirror. Sit. Feast on your life.

[arsvitaest-deactivated20260111]

Henri Matisse, The Swimming Pool, maquette for ceramic, 1952, gouache on paper cut and pasted on painted paper | MoMA

[memoryslandscape-deactivated202]

“But longing is momentum in disguise: It’s active, not passive; touched with the creative, the tender, and the divine. We long for something, or someone. We reach for it, move toward it. The word longing derives from the Old English langian, meaning ‘to grow long,’ and the German langen—to reach, to extend. The word yearning is linguistically associated with hunger and thirst, but also desire. In Hebrew, it comes from the same root as the word for passion. The place you suffer, in other words, is the same place you care profoundly—care enough to act.”

— Susan Cain, from Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole (Crown, 2022)

[kafk-a]

[ilyiad]

you don’t have to answer but was it a mutual breakup? I hope you feel better

nah that’s ok ! it was kind of in the sense that I brought it up - wasnt a shock i hope cause we’d talked about it or taking a break a few times in the last few months - but he thought it was the right call n agreed we needed to end it so there was no big fight or anything we just had a really long talk about things and said goodbye . was just rly sad hahah

[ilyiad]

would you ever mute him on social media ??? that could help

i SHOULD!!! i am weak!!! it makes me feel better when he posts cause im like aw good he’s ok this is so silly cause ive always worried about him too much and it was terrible 4 the relationship and clearly I will never learn. anyway the stupid thing is he’s just not a social media boy at all and now every time i post a story he sees it and he would neverrrr see my stuff when we were together cause he never opened the damn app and now i am doing it more on purpose cause i know he’s looking and he WAS suddenly posting when we broke up and then he STOPPED and its driving me up the wall. this is terrible. why did I do this. i archived our convo on messenger and that was like good til I spent an hour of a car journey today scrolling through old messages I am a clown emoji personified

[ilyiad]

you broke up w your bf? im sorry to hear that

🥺🧡 i ammmm very sorry for myself too. weird cause it was one of those things that had to happen but I love him and he loves me (well its been 10 days but i hope that has not changed lol) and it was all very sad and now I don’t know what to do he was my first boyfriend and we were together over 3yrs and i am still kind of convinced we’ll figure it out and get back together but is that denial??? idk??? ive never done this before and i cant sleep without him??? who knows

sorry wordvomit I can’t talk about this without writing an essay every time hahaha

but thank you ❤️

[ilyiad]

most embarrassing trait rn has to be posting on my insta story whenever I want to tell my ex something and proceeding to check the views every ten minutes to check if he’s seen it

[sevdrag]

apple bottom jeans — this is a reference to the apple that was eaten from the forbidden tree of Eden

boots with the fur — this references the way Adam and Eve had to clothe their nakedness once they had eaten from the Tree

the whole club was lookin’ at her — traditionally it is Eve’s fault for succumbing to the temptation, and most scholars blame her and future women for original sin

she hit the floor — this is a reference to the snake, who was cursed to crawl in the dust

next thing you know — the Lord immediately responded to kick them out of the Garden of Eden

shawty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low — this represents the way humanity fell from grace and gave in to temptation, and was repelled from the garden

[thursd4ys-deactivated20241130]

i think having “having a coke with you” with you by mark leidner is the greatest love poem of all time

[jeffbuckleyforever]

Early draft of "Lover, You Should’ve Come Over" from the book Jeff Buckley: His Own Voice.