This is a blog.

27. NC. Comic book shop girl. One time someone described me as, "Alison: Reliably internet-grumpy." That's all you need to know.

[im-a-monsterrrrr]

I know no one uses this anymore, but sometimes you just need to scream into the void.

My partner, my love, the beautiful man that I was going to spend my whole life with passed away on October 7th.

I really thought that maybe things would start to feel a little better by now, but every day is so fucking hard.

I don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t know how to be okay. This is the most unfair situation and every day I wake up, I feel so angry and helpless that I can’t fix this. I can’t help him. I just wish I could switch places with him so bad. And I don’t say that in an alarming ways, it’s just...he wanted to live so bad. He wanted to much out of life and he deserved it. And here I am. Never caring and up until him, never seeing much of a future for myself anyway. He was the one who, years ago, told me that one day I would want to be a mother. Of course I told him “no, never”. Little did I know, a few years later, I wanted nothing more than for him to be the father of my children. I don’t know. I know it’s selfish for me to wish things were different because I would never want him to experience the pain that I feel every day.

I think I struggle so much because I’ve never had a concept of what the afterlife means to me. My whole life, I was okay with thinking death was the end and that’s it. Then your worm food. But I’m not okay with that finality when it comes to my man. I will never be okay with thinking that he’s just done and he will never experience a single thing ever again. I don’t even know if I’m okay with the idea of “seeing him again one day”. Like, what am I supposed to do with that? Grow old, live a life, and then eventually go see and thank my 26 year old boyfriend for everything he did, knowing that he was supposed to have that life with me??? I just can’t. 

I’m afraid I’ll never be okay

[im-a-monsterrrrr]

This is how I tell dudes to describe me... https://www.instagram.com/p/ByCDAXZB5yqa9xemqWpTiC1FkFO54XyU8PHaJE0/?igshid=1xe6pdytoep2t

[im-a-monsterrrrr]

Me: cries in the shower because I feel like my only value with people is a sexual one

Me: gets out of the shower and immediately gets a message asking how to give a good blowjob

Sigh. This is all I am. A fucking dick receptacle.

[im-a-monsterrrrr]

Every time I think I’m doing okay, I end up having a breakdown and have to run to the bathroom at work to cry for a while and it’s just so embarrassing.

[andrewbelami]

Me: I should probably stop posting such inappropriate and personal stuff online since I’m an adult and I don’t want this coming back to haunt me later in life

Me 10 seconds later: have I mentioned that I love COCK

[im-a-monsterrrrr]

How do people date casually?

And how do people jump relationship to relationship?

I seriously don’t get it. I can’t date someone I don’t have real feelings for. And it’s so hard for me to get real feelings for anyone. I’ve had feelings for 3 dudes in the last 5 years. Sigh.

[im-a-monsterrrrr]

I’m real cute or whatever https://www.instagram.com/p/BuWiWuVgftS_pJ1Na6PrnGIsHZ5Ky1nhUfH4w40/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1mett1ggg6thq

[im-a-monsterrrrr]

Me: gets asked out at least once a week.

Also me: thinks she’s total trash because ONE guy doesn’t want what she wants.

[wenchyfloozymoo]

[stoneddd-vagina-deactivated2019]

I’m a loser but I’ll treat you right and give you head without being asked.

[im-a-monsterrrrr]

Literally me.

[im-a-monsterrrrr]

Today is ballsacks. https://www.instagram.com/p/BsqJRG-gCKvpWv52o95b-bVDyEftOc1qr4jvRk0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=szc4if5bxpb3

[im-a-monsterrrrr]

[im-a-monsterrrrr]

Now that tumblr has purged all of the women’s nipples in the world how and where can I view yours?

As for where, typically always attached to my boobs. As to how, I’ve been trying to be more selective when it comes to who sees them. But like, idk, catch me when I’m super sad and looking for attention ???

[stimman3000]

hey guys here’s my review of how much various horror movies fit their titles

scream: there is a respectable amount of screaming. could have been called “guy in a screamy mask with a knife” but they took a risk with the title and I respect that 7/10

the descent: there is a good amount of descending in this movie 8/10

it follows: it does, in fact, follow 9/10

Oculus: dumb. Idk what oculus means and I don’t care. shld have been called “murder mirror” 0/10

the babadook: movie is based around an entity known as the babadook. very good 10/10

creep: I guess the guy is fairly creepy, but I i wish the title was a little more specific. Work the wolf mask in there next time 5/10

the exorcist: there is an exorcist 8/10

the houses that October built: October can’t build houses. It’s a month. Idiots. 2/10 because it does, at least, take place in October

silent hill: I don’t think there are any hills that are more silent than the average hill in this movie 1/10

paranormal activity: there is activity that is fairly paranormal 9/10

the blair witch project: I guess what they’re doing could be counted as a project, and it DOES involve the blair witch, but I’d call it more of a “documentary” than a “project” 7/10

split: there are, to the best of my knowledge, no splits of either the gymnastic or banana variety in this movie 0/10

the midnight meat train: there is a train at midnight, and some meat themes throughout the movie, but the train itself is not filled with meat 6/10

the conjuring: nothing is actually conjured. they’re actually trying to get rid of something, which is like. the opposite of conjuring -100/10

[wholivesdiestellsyourstory]

i haven’t seen any of these movies, but i take your word for it 

[atopfourthwall]

Lot of recent horror movies loves their one-word titles that have nothing to do with the contents. “Sinister.” “Conjuring.” “Insidious.”

[im-a-monsterrrrr]

This is the best thing I’ve read in a long time.

[im-a-monsterrrrr]

Reblogging because this always makes me laugh.

[im-a-monsterrrrr]

Here’s me, hoping the weighted blanket I got for Christmas smothers me in my sleep.

[im-a-monsterrrrr]

I wish someone was recording my date from Saturday because me and the dude I was with both have speech impediments that become more obvious when we are nervous and trying to talk during dinner was such a hilarious struggle. So much stuttering.

[im-a-monsterrrrr]

In case was wondering about my skills.