Imagine Tao

Imagine Tao imagining you reading this blog.

[imagineztao]

just.. the way you structure the posts. the short sentences. the comedic effect- i could write a Damn Essay on how hysterical your posts make me amsbaksvksvs

It's due next Thursday I want it on my desk by 4 PM

[imagineztao]

are u from the uk im crying

Don't lump me in w the COLONIZER man

[imagineztao]

this is my favourite blog

It's mine too thanks 😎

[imagineztao]

this is my absolute favourite blog you're so funny

Thanks wow I should... probably provide you with new content huh TT

[imagineztao]

Imagine Tao getting into podcasts. Have you heard this one? It’s all the rage.

[imagineztao]

Imagine Tao knitting the lumpiest pair of socks. It’s a fashion statement! That’s how they’re supposed to look!

[imagineztao]

Imagine Tao doing children’s typing games so he can improve his keyboard and mouse literacy. He needs to get better at computers so he can be a real PC gamer. He already has SimCity AND Rollercoaster Tycoon downloaded, and he needs to be at peak performance to make it to a competitive level in such high-rolling esports.

[imagineztao]

Imagine Tao trying to write a Broadway Musical about his own life.

[imagineztao]

Imagine Tao trying to send fanmail to the iCarly website. He wants to get on the webshow! Maybe someday he’ll be as cool as Carly and Sam are.

[imagineztao]

Imagine Tao refusing to wear his glasses AND his contacts. He can’t see anything. This is terrible. There’s absolutely nothing he can do to remedy the situation. What? Glasses? He doesn’t know her.

[imagineztao]

Imagine Tao recording a wakeup message for a celebrity-calls-you alarm clock program. Imagine Tao signing up for a celebrity-calls-you alarm clock program. Imagine Tao buying his own celebrity-calls-you alarm clock program. “Who else could be as perfect to wake up to?” he asks. Obviously, nobody can compare.

After a week, he starts getting into arguments with his own pre-recorded voice. After a month, he’s broken three phones by throwing them across the room. After six weeks, he’s sued the alarm program. This whole thing was a terrible idea. Tao hates waking up.

[imagineztao]

Imagine Tao staying up past his bedtime to watch scary movies. This one is called EXO Next Door. Who’s that cryptid? It almost looks like him! Spooky!

[imagineztao]

Imagine Tao writing, directing, and starring in his very own feature film. It’s called The Hallway. It’s an instant cult classic.

[imagineztao]

Imagine Tao eating four lipsticks in a row. Just chomping them like they’re candy bars. Just chewing and swallowing. The absolute madman.

[imagineztao]

Imagine Tao trying to become a Vine star. He doesn’t seem to understand or care when people tell him that there is literally no way for him to do that anymore. Ah, to be so carefree.

[imagineztao]

Imagine Tao writing long essays on the discourse about the difference between a bop and a banger. Bangers, he says, smash. Bops, on the other hand, slap. This is his doctoral thesis. He’s going to pass with flying colors.

[imagineztao]

Imagine Tao absolutely tearing it up on the dance floor. He wasn’t invited to this dance. This dance was for seventh graders only. He’s not registered as a chaperone. How did he get in here? Linda, who let him in here? He needs to leave.