She asked me what anxiety was like…
All I could think of was a jail cell in my own mind where reality and the illogical mix together.
It’s a world where you don’t know if what you feel is real or just anxiety creating a mirage for you once again.
“SHIT SHE HATES ME,”
“I FUCKED UP..”
Words that run through my mind over and over again.
Unanswered text messages and being left on read; they must want nothing to do with me.
Read receipts are off now; does she know I check?
I don’t mean to seem crazy, I promise I don’t care as much as it seems.
It’s just that for all the times somebody treated me poorly, ignored me, or made me feel less than worth it, anxiety found an anchor.
It is like a fast growing plant with roots into my heart and my brain. My chest constricts as my heart is suffocated by this ever growing plant and I cannot get in enough air to think clearly.
It tells me to obsessively check if I’m being ignored and when I am it creates the worst scenarios as to why.
They’re busy turns into they’re getting to know someone else.
Those brief moments left on read, I am sure they played me because they were bored.
I will tell myself I am being illogical, but the pain in my chest would beg to argue.
I lost the ability to decipher whether I’m creating these negative results or if my anxious fear is right.
I am no longer my own.
I feel like I’m in hypnosis where I get brief moments to control my body.
but most of the time anxiety has main access and cuts off my air supply and my ability to think straight.
Its gotten into my heart and now nobody else will be allowed in. Its too dangerous
Its a jungle now.
Im trapped in my own body and It’s a jail cell ill never be able to escape.
