void

tw ed // pls don't report just block //21//

[imdrowninginmythoghts]

looking for moots rn cause im kinda re!ap$in

(I support recovering and seeking help- i did for a while but im just so fucking self conscious and this is the only way I know works, so if you don't want to see it just block me)

also rant alert!!!! and a bit of info bout myself

ok so ive been on @n@ tumblr for a while, got T-worded like 3times cause this app is a lil bitch, made diff accounts, been on an off posting (more off lmao i can't commit to shit plus im anxious on the internet so I usually just read stuff and interact but i don't comment and stuff)

TW (dr@gs & stats & more ranting & mentions of kc@ls and b!ng€)

cw 52kg

hw 63kg

lw 47kg

h 1.64m

22yo

afab but you can use any pronouns

so like a bit of a history bout my journey. been on and off ⭐ving since like 2019 (worked somehow but i always ended up on a binge) almost 2 years ago I was at my lw ever cause I was taking molly like every week or every other week (didn't even tried to lose w€!ght I just did cause I went to a lot of raves and did like 2 days benders and wasn't eating shit and also burning hella calories - I DONT RECOMAND IT PLS BE CAREFUL THAT SHIT IS NOT SOMETHING TO PLAY WITH I WAS JUST DUMB) stopped cause some drama happened long story and because my brain is messed up i replaced it with w€€d, which at first helped a bit with not ending myself but also made me gain sm w€!ght so that kinda backfired. stopped using that as well last summer but I got stuck with the gain so I wanted to get myself back in shape. i started again in january and because I have a loving wonderful boyfriend i lied to myself and him and said ill try to do it the "healthy" way aka the really fucking slow way (lost like 2kg since) but my brain just can't take it.

i won't post logs cause i know myself and ill probs binge and feel like a 🐳 and because of my bf i can't do the same shit I did back in the day aka fast for days and €at close to nothing (cause he will notice and he will get sad and ill rather off myself than upset him)

so ill try my best to be in the highest deficit possible without anyone noticing (so around like 500 to 1000kc@ls per day which ik might be a tr!gg€r so if you don't feel comfortable just block me)

that's kinda it for now ill try to stay active but I probs won't be that much cause uni is hard af and I need to study a shit ton

[imdrowninginmythoghts]

i feel so bloated and disgusting why do periods exist ughhhh

i wish i could take my damn uterus out, i don't want kids, why do i need it anyways, it's just there to annoy me atp

[babydollnextdoor]

I feel homesick for my old body

[imdrowninginmythoghts]

i know my period it's about to start cause I feel like crying and I rarely do cause im way too numb at this point

[imdrowninginmythoghts]

my boyfriends best friend is trying to gain muscle and got really into gym and stuff and truly good for him but my god it's a bit annoying having to hear him talk about what he eats...

cause wdym you ate my maintance in one meal AND THAT'S NOT EVEN HALF OF WHAT YOU WANT TO HAVE TODAY?? FYM YOU PUT 700KCALS IN ONE PROTEIN SHAKE?? I get that he s trying to build muscle and he s like a whole 30cm taller than me but my god im so jealous...

[imdrowninginmythoghts]

im running out of my favorite 0kcal cola and lemon juice concentrate thing i need to go buy more

[jenxd2]

My whole childhood was little me fantasising about cutting the fat off my body with a knife.

[babydollnextdoor]

hey hey made this ana quiz instead of eating :)

yay (tw ed)

[imdrowninginmythoghts]

WHY IS THIS SO ACCURATE?????! HELLOO?!?! ARE YOU IN MY WALLS?!?!

[imdrowninginmythoghts]

random ahh post but like my cat got stuck in a glue mouse trap and I was freaking out so bad cause she was feral when I got her and she still has very clear boundaries and I knew trying to get the glue out of her fur will stress her out and it did and I felt so bad but I couldn't let her clean herself cause IT'S FREAKING GLUE. this is all my uncles fault got I hate him so much I hope he dies. but at least i was so stressed that I haven't eaten anything since yesterday so yay ig?.?

[imdrowninginmythoghts]

she still has glue on her but after I washed and trimmed some of her stuck fur she s doing a bit better. I bribed her with treats and her favorite brush and was able to unstick a portion of her belly (she still has a lot of glue on her front paws and chest but she doesn't like being touched/brushed there so I need to wait for my dad to come back home from work so he can hold her and try to snip off the stuck parts). I hate seeing her in so much discomfort and also causing her some but i think it's better in the long run, cause she already has some bold spots where she ripped the glue herself and i don't want to let her do that anymore.

AND AGAIN ALL OF THIS COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED IF MY STUPID FUCKING DRUNK OF AN UNCLE WAS PAYING ATTENTION

[imdrowninginmythoghts]

random ahh post but like my cat got stuck in a glue mouse trap and I was freaking out so bad cause she was feral when I got her and she still has very clear boundaries and I knew trying to get the glue out of her fur will stress her out and it did and I felt so bad but I couldn't let her clean herself cause IT'S FREAKING GLUE. this is all my uncles fault got I hate him so much I hope he dies. but at least i was so stressed that I haven't eaten anything since yesterday so yay ig?.?

[deadby17th]

there’s a lot of shit i’d do to lose weight but drinking black coffee ain’t one

[ghostisspiraling-deactivated202]

Amen

[camiwantstobeaprincess]

I need to educate my mind again to hate food.

[not-my-first-rodeo]

✨facts✨

[defencing]

me opening this app after another weekend of b1nging

[coldblack-nights]

my binge was so bad it was lowkey the greed they talk abt in the bible lmfao

[imdrowninginmythoghts]

my bf humbled me so freaking much CAUSE WDYM WE WERE AWAKE SINCE 7AM WALKED 15+KM AND ONLY DRANK COFFEE AND YOU AREN'T HUNGRY AT 4PM WHAT AM I DOING WRONG T-T