I’ve got an identity wrapped up in you
All my sin and all my shame disappear when you call my name
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@imjowl
I’ve got an identity wrapped up in you
All my sin and all my shame disappear when you call my name
To Be Known
"Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them." Psalm 139:16.
The reality of our own humanity is that we truly don't know ourselves. God, having formed us before time began, knows the inner workings of our heart that have yet to be revealed. There is a reason for every innate desire, mannerism, and perspective that becomes clearer every time he brings breakthrough in areas of our heart.
To realize our character struggles are rooted in our own incomplete understanding of who we are and to see how God meant for those struggles to be good, is the greatest love I have known. Seeing proof that I am not meant for brokenness, that there is an actual solution, frees me from fear and assures me of God's faithfulness.
I am fully known by God. He knows better than myself why I sin, why I rejoice, and why I worry.
Unending Joy
Joy is one of those things that always seems to be in short supply. And the problem isn't that we are a sad or mournful people, but rather, we are numbed by contented apathy. It is so easy to deconstruct our days to mere survival, as something that must simply be completed.
"Restore unto me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit." Pslam 51:12.
There is inherent joy in our salvation. By just being called sons and daughters of God we are emboldened with a fount of unending joy that can never dry up or be stopped. Partaking in this joy requires a willing spirit - what kind of spirit? A spirit that acknowledges our constant need for salvation.
So let us boast in our weaknesses and proclaim the amazing grace we have in Jesus Christ every moment of every day. Let us not be afraid to remember the joy of our salvation.
The Race of Our Lives
Ever since high school I have had a motivation problem. There was a zen-like appeal to being okay with everything. If things worked out, great. If not, that was okay too. What I believed to be accommodating and flexible was an infectious apathy that hamstrung my spiritual growth for five years.
The greatest spiritual enemy is not temptation or confrontation but contentment. We should never look at our blessings and say, "this is good enough". We should never look at ourselves and say, "I've grown enough". We should never try to take it easy, take a day off, or take a vacation from our goals because the enemy never does.
It is not pride, not a works-based-mentality, not greed, and not a lack of grace to say we need to be better, to say we want to be better. We've been commanded to be righteous! Being content with only the low hanging fruits of the spirit for fear of pride is not humility, but is defeat.
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize?" Paul commands us to run the race, to win the race! Not so that we can boast, but so that we can receive. To say that we will not try to win for fear of being prideful is to say we will stop living for fear of sin.
Greater things have yet to come. And they will only come to those who continue to run to win, who try to outdo others in service, who beat their bodies into submission, and who endure. We shouldn't be a people so afraid to judge each other and hurt each other's feelings. We shouldn't be a people okay with second place! The only way iron can sharpen iron is if it is rubbed, scraped, and hit together, chipping away at the blunt edges.
So light that fire in your soul. Fan the flame. Stoke the coals. We are in a race with a finish and a participation award is not enough - we want the prize!
The Grace Rising
Throughout high school I did Tae Kwon Do. I enjoyed it on most days, but I came to dread Fridays, sparring day. I feared the sweaty sticky pads, the humid and thick atmosphere, but the thing I feared most were the kids who would block with their elbows. It was inevitable that my feet would feel like they had been through Rocky's meat fridge.
I believed that the sins I committed that week were being stored up and saved for a righteous unleashing upon my feet on Friday. The more I sinned, the worse sparring day would be. Grace to me, was when elbow-blocker skipped a Friday or if we practiced forms instead of spar. I was trapped in a works mentality, old testament version of grace. I was the guy that chose a blackberry instead of the iPhone 5. I was the guy who upgraded to HD cable but didn't have an HD TV. As C.S. Lewis so aptly writes, I was the kid who chose the "mud pies" instead of the "holiday at the sea."
Grace in the Old Testament is merely a postponement of judgment. The Israelites followed rule after rule and sacrificed their offerings in an attempt to stay the wrath that was inevitably coming. Exemplified by King Josiah, repentance did not cancel out judgment on Israel, but was pushed back. (2 Kings 22:20). Even King David, the man after God's heart, the man who took the sacred bread and ate it without repercussion, was not immune to this flavor of "grace". While he deserved death for killing Uriah, his punishment was postponed. (2 Samuel 12:13). Instead, David's child dies and his future burdens with Absalom are foretold. This is Old Testament grace and this is what I lived in - is it any wonder then that I struggle with the notion that God has truly redeemed me? That I am a royal priesthood, an heir to the throne, a prince, a bride, an adopted son of God! How can I believe those things when my heart is utterly oppressed by an obsolete notion of Grace?
So when we sing "there is freedom in this place", to me it isn't an in-the-moment freedom, but it is Romans 8 come alive, "For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry 'Abba! Father!'" (15). As I seek to take a hold of the gifts and blessings of God, my heart's victim mentality must change. As Paul writes, "Likewise, my brothers, you also have died to the law through the body of Christ, so that you may belong to another, to him who has been raised from the dead, in order that we may bear fruit for God." (Romans 7:4). The chains of old grace must be broken "in order" for fruit to rise.
Therefore we must believe that this "new" grace (which is actually real grace), is not just a postponement of judgment, but a complete pardon. That Christ's death on the cross was not just for our old sin, but for all sin throughout all time - and we must live that out. This grace is of utterly no use to us if we don't live it out. We need to stop bringing our ineffective offerings to a broken alter, the veil was torn and the temple sundered when Jesus died. And instead the promises he made to a Samaritan women have come true and we all have an eternal spring within us - we no longer bring our works as offerings, but our entire bodies! We no longer worship and serve to store up and save for judgment but rather we worship now in spirit and in truth.
So take a hold of your sonship O my soul. Come up from the grave of self-despair and put on the crown of grace. We are called to an eternal harvest, a divine banquet table, a royal wedding - lets take a hold of that promise and be free from the bonds of sin!
The Childish Things
When I was a kid there were so many things I wanted to do. I would let my imagination run wild and my greatest dreams would be so obnoxiously filled with extravagance and adventure that a knight riding on a pegasus-unicorn fighting off an army of zombies was the boring stuff.
And while those dreams now exist in a more mature form, the truth is that they remain just as extravagant. Really, who doesn't want to be the hero lawyer that stands in the court room yelling "objection!", fighting against some corrupt seal clubbing corporation? But lately, these dreams have now come into direct conflict with what God might want. And in my mind, I try to imagine the two coming together into this one awesome holy fantasy, but I realize that they are fundamentally incompatible.
The childish dreams that I hold onto, no matter how noble and righteous, are a stumbling block to the dream that God has for me. I wrestle with the idea that if I were called to clean toilets, that would be a more majestic thing than defending the rights of the innocent.
If it is true that Jesus is our one desire, then he must not just be our one desire, but our one dream, our one goal, our one motivation, our one purpose. Setting aside my dreams that are so easily imagined for one that I can't possibly discern or understand is my maturing.
Growing pains.
Psalm 73
I am empty and poured out
gave it my all but it wasn't enough
The walls of this world are too high
too strong for me to break
and too much for me to take.
.
In my strength I had trusted
countless nights I've toiled for my dreams
But my dreams were too high
too fragile for me to take
and too little for what you've made.
.
.
And here in my brokenness you've found me
In this grave that I had made for myself
You picked up my shattered dreams
And broke the walls to my heart
.
You breathed, life into my lungs
You let me stand upon your shoulders
got my head above the waters
You filled, my life with your love
You made a way for me
my dreams you made complete
.
.
All my striving was for nothing
cause you already gave me what I needed
You hold my hand
And you strengthen my heart
Chapter 60: My Assurance
All my hope is
All my trust is
All my hope is
In You
Chapter 59: Into the Darkness We Go
I've got a confession. I am an anxious person. Prone to paralyzing, desperate, and sleepless worry, I am a sinner of the smallest faith and trust. God has so graciously given me a calling so direct and clear but instead of obedience, my heart was full of anxiety.
Thank God for his gentle rebuke. Who am I to question God's will and plan, even if it may lead to suffering for a short while - His grace should be more than enough for me.
So into this terrifying and murky darkness we go. Holding onto only His promise - and it will be more than enough.
Chapter 58: Bland
All of us, we're all just a little boring. I think we were made just a little plain.
It's amazing how God gives the most specific instructions on how the passover meal should be eaten - not just passover but for nearly all of the other major feasts and sacrifices. He says what to eat, when to eat and even sometimes how to cook it. But he never instructs us on how to season it or what to eat with it.
And in that same way, our plainness, our blandness, isn't so much the end but rather just the foundation of how we want to spice our lives. We can be spicy, salty, stale, vibrant, fruity, corny or cheesy. And if we don't like what we end up with... well, why don't we just wash ourselves clean and start over :]
There's a seasoning for every season.
Chapter 57: Hope
Hebrews 6:19-20 "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek."
.
No one. No situation is beyond hope.
Chapter 56: Just Trying to Get Back to You
I'm holding on to the hope that one day this could be made right
I've been shipwrecked, and left for dead, and I have seen the darkest sights
Everyone I've loved seems like a stranger in the night
But oh my heart still burns, tells me to return, and search the fading light.
I'm sailing home to you I won't be long
By the light of moon I will press on
Until, I find, my love
Luke 15: 24 "For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to celebrate."
The hardest thing about being lost, isn't trying to be found again - but it's wanting to be found. Shake off the dust from your long-dead heart. Take off that blindfold you've gotten used to. It's time to go back home.
Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Chapter 55: Child of God
Romans 8:17 "And if children, then heirs - heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ..."
Quiet my heart and remind me how to be your son.
Chapter 54: Let the amen sound from His people again
Praise to the Lord, who over all things so wondrously reigneth
Shelters thee under His wings, yea, so gently sustaineth
Hast thou not seen how thy desires have been
Granted in what He ordaineth
Praise to the Lord, O let all that is in me adore Him
All that hath life and breath, come now with praises before Him
Let the Amen sound from His people again
Hosea 2:16-20 - And in that day, declares the Lord, you will call me "My Husband," and no longer will you call me "My Baal." For I will remove the names of the Baals from her mouth, and they shall be remembered by name no more. And I will make for them a covenant on that day with the beasts of the field, the birds of the heavens, and the creeping things of the ground. And I will abolish the bow, the sward, and war from the land, and I will make you lie down in safety. And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord.
Chapter 53: Eternal Friendship
1 Samuel 18:1-5 "As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father's house. Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt. And David went out and was successful wherever Saul sent him, so that Saul set him over the men of war. And this was good in the sight of all the people and also in the sight of Saul's servants."
A spiritual friendship is more than the halfhearted hangouts we call fellowship. There is a divine, soul-knitting, wide-open, transparent connection that emulates the self-sacrificing love Christ has for us. It's a type of friendship that we need to pray for.
Chapter 52: His Delight
Zephaniah 3:17 "The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing."
It's easy to forget that above all, God loves you. But more than that, God rejoices over us - we are a source of God's delight. And all the worries and anxieties that scream at us everyday are silenced by his love. In its place is his exultations over us. Oh how you love us, oh how you love us. Keep reminding me God.