person on the internet

mindless thoughtdump

[imnooneyouknow]

i feel like everything’s collapsing around me all of a sudden and all i can do is watch and know its my fault

[imnooneyouknow]

[imnooneyouknow]

almost three months clean and i havent thought about seriously harming myself in that time

[imnooneyouknow]

decided to deactivate my shedtwt account #gettingbetter

[imnooneyouknow]

im not happy just distracted

[imnooneyouknow]

i dont have an identity i dont think i really exist and i dont think im perceivable i dont perceive myself and nobody perceives me

[imnooneyouknow]

i loveeeee when its only my mum at home because she dont gaf about what i doooooo i can lock myself in my room and say im not hungry and she wont botherrrrrrrr i love thisssssss

[imnooneyouknow]

im this way because ive conditioned myself to believe that wanting friends who treat me well is extremely selfish of me

[imnooneyouknow]

and because ive conditioned myself to believe that thinking that my friends think about me and like me is extremely self centred and selfish of me

[whoknows-isurelydont]

does anyone else feel weird when they dont feel miserable because im seriously not used to feeling so normal?????? idek if this is normal like i still feel number than the norm but i dont feel miserable like i usually do and its unsettling that i cannot fathom feeling upset in the slightest

[imnooneyouknow]

and it pisses me off because im not as sad anymore so i cant blame my bad hygiene on my mental health anymore 😐

[imnooneyouknow]

[imnooneyouknow]

[imnooneyouknow]

[imnooneyouknow]

im this way because ive conditioned myself to believe that wanting friends who treat me well is extremely selfish of me

[imnooneyouknow]

and also because i see everything as a pattern no matter what. as soon as anything happens i think “wow im exactly like [one person from my past]” or as soon as anyone does anything i think theyre exactly like someone from your past and they’ll treat you exactly like them and leave you exactly like them. as soon as im in a social setting with M all i can think is “im just like her” and im her replacement and not my own person. no one including myself feels unique because im convinced it all ties back to someone i used to know

all roads lead to rome type shit fr icl tbh idc idgaf

[imnooneyouknow]

im this way because ive conditioned myself to believe that wanting friends who treat me well is extremely selfish of me

[imnooneyouknow]

i technically did both!! still not satisfied

[imnooneyouknow]

i feel like its all my fault and i really hate that it is because im the reason she left school and the reason why school is so boring now, and as soon as people find out she doesn’t like me they stop hanging out with her as much and i just feel awful because of it. especially M because as soon as i find out about it he essentially completely abandons her to be with ME and im just realising how fucking awful that mustve been because they were literally attached by the hip and all of a sudden the girl YOU were both shittalking is your best friend and youre barely talking to L AND said girl just confronted her about the whole thing. am i the only one who sees that as weird???? you abandon your best friend to be with a person she thought you both hated, and that mustve sucked and its all my fault. not just M, but E did it too and its all for me like???? what the hell???? i feel so bad because it mustve been so confusing and so awful for her and im glad she moved away from allat but also im so upset that im the reason why she moved.

[imnooneyouknow]

me when my mother sees my reluctance to stop drinking energy drinks despite her insistence as a personality flaw of mine and not something that should be concerning

[imnooneyouknow]

all of a sudden a shit ton of responsibility has been placed on my shoulders and i have to do this and i dont want to but its whats right but i cant