The silence was deafening.
Arkanis hadn't looked at him at all through the tirade, simply hugging herself. But she hadn't moved. She hadn't flinched away. She hadn't shied down into a small ball of fear and shame. Not even a step back. She had simply stood there, taking the abuse, felt the rumbling of the his voice, the earth shaking in sympathy.
And now the silence was deafening.
Part of her, the loyal part of this little archivist that had kept her on Terra all these years, pitied him in return. He had suffered as much as she when compared for scale. Unable to forget the suffering around them, bearing the brunt of it, the price for their shared condition.
But another part seethed and writhed at his words. It welled up like bile behind her gritting teeth. Anger was overriding her sorrow. All that she had seen, all that she had known... including the way he had treated his sons.
"... Poor, poor Kusig," she muttered, her voice almost mocking. "That old name of yours. That's all that remains, isn't it? The Emperor is gone, long gone, dead when He killed Horus. Now only Kusig Alad remains behind." Her voice lowered to a whisper, half-mad and half... something else. Perhaps lucid. She didn't look at him, her face unreadable.
"Just as well. If the Emperor was standing here before me... I would have Him answer to the allegations. I would have Him answer. I would have Him understand the suffering and I would hound Him for it."
Her fingers dug into her arms, claw-like and angry.
"Do you know what kills the most? It took me many years to learn it, many years spent walking the halls of my beloved Archive. I found that it's not hate, it's not even love, or joy, or greed, or pride. No, it's indifference. Oh, it may not kill now. It may not wield the knife or the lasgun, but it kills and it kills ultimately... Indifference. Such a small, little thing..."
"Indifference from others was what made Perturabo snap in the end, abandoning his Father's side in favour for four gods that could pretend to care. Indifference and secrecy was what made Magnus the Red tear holes in reality so he could reach his Father and warn him in time, tearing a rift where there should've been none. Indifference let corruption grow in the hearts of two sons; one wielding a sword whose daemon whispered sweet things that no one else seemed to care about; the other was left to his own devices as anger festered in his heart into a rotting boil that burst.
Indifference drove Konrad Curze mad in the end from the visions that no one bothered to change. Indifference to his plight drove Angron to rage and hate, until that was all he knew. Indifference made Horus Lupercal question himself, his motives, his cause, and his Father's work. Indifference drove Lorgar Aurellian into the arms of Kor Phaeron and Erebus, because at least they seemed like they might care."
She stopped walking, half-way through the room and finally looked at Kusig. Her face was taut, tired, but sharp and... disappointed. Out of all things, she was disappointed.
"Indifference to the sons He was creating and their personalities, their lives, their functions beyond mere generals in an army they hadn't asked to lead, led Erda to scatter them across the galaxy where they might be safer than in the arms of the Father that should have loved them."
She let that hang in the air for a few moments, then straightened her back.
"If you are looking for the reason for all your plights, Kusig Alad, look for the Emperor of Mankind."
