WARNINGS: fluff fluff fluff, use of she/her pronouns!, i used all lower caps.
SUMMARY: in which, the usual womaniser finds himself in love with a girl who doesn’t even know his name…
“ITS JUST LIKE SEEING HER,
FOR THE FIRST TIME,
AGAIN…”
“The first time you caught my eye
it was not love at first sight.
Instead a quiet curiosity was
planted in my chest and i knew
it was only a matter of time before
you sunk beneath my bones and
nurtured this deep seated familiarity
into a love so fierce that
i would question if i had
ever been in love before”.
THOSE WERE THE words that theo scribbled down in his journal as he sat in the middle of the courtyard amongst other students on the hot and surprisingly toasty day in Hogwarts. he finally dropped the pencil in his hand as his eyes averted back over to the sight before him, y/n.
theo wasn’t normally one for poetry but ever since the first time he had ever saw her, it was all he could think about.
he found himself in a never ending cycle of writing, constantly writing his feelings and thought down whenever she crossed his mind which was all the time.
it was like she had unknowingly helped him discover a part of himself that he was unaware of.
his gaze stuck to her face that was glowing due to the sun hitting her perfect caramel skin. she sat peaceful on the green grass with a big book opened in her hands, one that seemed to capture all of her attention.
his eyes then traveled down to her hands, her hands that were decorated with multiple rings and her wrists that wore a few bracelets.
she wore a sleeveless v-neck jumper on top of a long sleeved shirt as her yellow tie was tied perfectly. she wore two necklaces which hung and rested against his the tie.
he watched as the slight breeze in the air blew into her brown, perfectly curly, and volumed hair which also had a sunflower tucked into the side of her hair slightly matching her yellow, Hufflepuff tie. he wanted so badly to talk to her, to get to know her, to be near her, but he instead found himself gawking from afar and silently hoping that she would at least turn and look his way.
but wether he talked to her or not, even him just being able to look at her was enough to fuel his slight obsession with the girl.
she was special.
she was like the coffee he needed to energise him in the morning, or even the warmth he needed on a cold and gloomy day.
she was the sunshine that could light up any dark room.
with every minute he spent staring at her, he grew even more curious by the second. he wanted to know everything about her.
he wanted to know why she always wore that one bracelet, why she always seemed to read books published by the same author, why she always played with her hair while reading or even why she always came to the courtyard alone at the same time everyday and sat at the same spot too.
he was intrigued by her, she was different.
he didn’t want to say it in a corny way, but she wasn’t like all the other girls in Hogwarts. she kept to herself, had friends but never minded being alone, was always sweet to everyone, and didn’t care how others viewed her.
classic Hufflepuff.
if you had asked him a year ago today if he thought a hufflepuff would ever had him feeling this way, he probably would’ve laughed in your face. what made it worse was that he was presented with so many chances to go and talk to the girl but instead, he froze up and got lost in all of the words that he wanted to say which was nothing like him.
it was like she had casted an irreversible spell that only pulled him closer and closer to her.
“are you okay?” a voice suddenly spoke, causing him to break from his deep gaze.
he looked away from the girl and looked up which finally revealed mattheo, “oh- yeah, yeah!” he spoke as he cleared his throat and silently hoped that his slight infatuation with the girl wasn’t too obvious to his best friend.
mattheo furrowed his eyebrows as he looked down at his friend who was sat alone, “really? cause if you ask me, it looks like little miss Hufflepuff has you distracted…” he spoke with a small smirk.
“what? no!” theo quickly denied as he jerked his head back at his friends’ words.
matteheo took a moment to look down at the notebook that was sat on theo’s lap as he took notice to all the words written down that he struggled to read due to how far it was, “and what is this?” he asked as he suddenly knelt down to pick up the notebook, and got back up on his feet.
a sudden feeling of panic took over theo’s body as he hadn’t told anybody about his recent passion for poetry that was fuelled due to y/n.
“the first time you caught my eye it was love at first sight,” mattheo began as he read out of theo’s notebook. theodore was quick to stand up in attempts to grab the notebook from his friends’ hand but failed as mattheo continuously swerved his attempts.
“i knew it was only a matter of time before you sunk beneath my bones?” mattheo continued with a surprised tone at what he was hearing.
he had never heard theodore speak ever so passionately before.
“into a love so fierce-” “give me that!” theo interrupted his words as he finally grabbed the notebook from him.
his cheeks were tinted with a light red pigment as a small feeling of embarrassment grew inside of his system.
“your in love?” mattheo spoke with a laugh, “your in love with a hufflepuff?” he continued.
theo rolled his eyes at his words, “can you stop?” he spoke with an irritated tone.
“she’s more than that…” he began, “she’s special, s-she’s like a breath of fresh air in a world filled with copies of each other.” he spoke, his words filled with love as he brought his gaze back to y/n.
her peaceful presence finally bringing back that safe feeling in the pit of his stomach.
mattheo just stood there with his mouth slightly agape, realisation finally taking over him. his friend wasn’t just in love, he was deeply in love.
“wow… it’s worse than i thought, your infatuated nott.” mattheo said in a shocked tone.
he took a moment to look at theo, who put his head down in defeat as his friend uncovered his hidden feelings.
there was a reason as to why he had never told his friend about his liking towards the girl and it was simply because, he wasn’t used to it.
he wasn’t used to liking somebody, at all.
he wasn’t used to constantly thinking about somebody every single moment of the day, or having your heart beat faster at not only the sight of them, but the sound of their name. he wasn’t used to only being happy if he saw a certain someone, or not being able to sleep because of somebody disrupting his thoughts. he just wasn’t used to any of it.
he thought that y/n was just another girl that he would’ve liked for at least two days then gotten over her but no, the past three weeks of non-stop thoughts about her made it clear that it was more than just a crush and that he had to talk to her.
at first he was a little mad at the innocent girl as he wanted to know if she had put a spell over him, but he realised it was all him.
he craved her.
“why don’t you go talk to her, i mean you are theodore n-” “no!” theodore quickly interrupted his friend.
just the thought of her even looking at him made his nerves come to play.
mattheo took a moment to analyse his friends’ body language before letting out a loud laugh, “there’s no way,” he began, “are you… nervous?” he laughed out.
theo rolled his eyes due to it probably being mattheo’s tenth time laughing at him.
“i-i’m not, i just don’t know what i’d say to her.” he explained himself, “since when have you had trouble talking to girls nott? your clearly nervous.” mattheo laughed a little more before stopping.
“you know what?” mattheo spoke which caused theo to listen, “your gonna go over there and just speak whatever comes to mind.” he said.
theodore’s eyes widened at his words, he wasn’t prepared to even be near the girl let alone talk to her.
“what? no i’m not-” his words were interrupted by mattheo who grabbed the boys’ arm and began pulling him towards where the girl was peacefully sat, “yes you are!” mattheo spoke, simply ignoring the boy who was trying to rebel and pull away from his strong hold.
“no i’m not, now fuck off!” theo spoke harshly as he began using his strength to try and pull away but mattheo wasn’t having it.
“yes you are!” mattheo protested as he let go of theo before giving him one final strong push, pushing him right in front of the girl and causing him to drop his notebook onto the floor.
the commotion and sudden figure blocking her from the sun was enough to make y/n finally bring her head up from her book, she looked up to find the brunette boy staring right at her which slightly had her confused.
he looked a little anxious, as if he had been scared.
an awkward smile took over the girls’ face, “um, hello…” she said hesitantly as he did come from nowhere, “can i help you or?…” she continued.
but theo just stood there, like an idiot.
what am i doing, say something. he told himself mentally as he knew how stupid he looked, this was seriously unlike him.
“uhh, i-um,” he muttered out, “no!” he finally spat out as he finally moved out of his frozen state that he was once in before.
and there it was. the usually cool, and laid-back theodore nott was not tripping over his words and struggling on how to even form a sentence.
“oh…” y/n spoke, not really knowing what to tell him as she just continued to look up at him.
her eyes left his as she began to look at the grass, noticing a random, and unfamiliar notebook beside her.
“is this yours?” she asked him before she picking it up, “um yeah.” theo nervously spoke.
just then, y/n’s eyes scanned the page that was open. she quickly realising that it was a poem, her eyes lit up as she looked back at him.
“wait, did you write this?” she asked him as she stared right at him, waiting for a response.
theo’s eyes grew wide at the fact that she looked at the poem that he had made about her, his heart beats sped up due to a little embarrassment.
“y-yeah, but i’m not really a writer so-” “are you kidding me? i love poems!” she exclaimed, interrupted his words.
she took a moment to look a with a wide smile, the smile that made him want to melt.
“why don’t you sit down?” she offered which made him become shocked, “i mean unless you don’t want to then-” “no of course i do!” he suddenly spoke before walking a little closer to her, kneeling down, and sitting right next to her on the grass.
theo turned around and took a moment to look at the girl, this was the closest he had ever been to her and definitely the longest, and the first time, he had ever talked to her.
he took a good and long look at the girl, she was even prettier when closer.
her shoulder lengthened curls captured her face perfectly as they were as healthy as ever, she had a few small brown freckles on her face which is something he had never gotten to notice until now, he also didn’t notice how high her cheekbones were either. her full straight eyebrows were what made her face even more perfect as her almond shaped eyes topped her look off. his eyes then flickered to her her full, succulent lips which were as soft as ever. to top things off, her beautiful skin glowed ever so gently as the sun bounced off her face.
she was perfect… no, ethereal.
her smell too, she smelled addictive.
her sweet vanilla, tonka bean, red berries and mandarin scent was what drew the boy crazy. it made him want to be near her forever and ever.
“do you mind if i read this?” she asked him nicely before turning around and looking him looking him right into his eyes, “uh, sure.” he spoke as he quickly got out of whatever trance he was in.
it wasn’t like she would know it was about her anyways, he thought to himself.
y/n’s eyes went down the page as she read the poem, his writing style completely had her drawn as if it were written about her.
“oh my gosh, this is so beautifully written.” she complimented as she still looked at the notebook, she couldn’t believe how well he had managed to portray his feelings onto the paper.
she turned to look at him, “i-i mean, you sunk beneath my bones and nurtured this deep seated familiarity into a love so fierce? beautiful.” she recited his words as she continued to stare at him, impressed by how poetic he was.
theo’s eyes widened at her sudden compliments, he felt his cheeks heat up.
“thank you…” he muttered as a small smile came across his face, “who is this about?” she suddenly asked him.
theodore cleared his throat, “um, p-pardon?” he nervously asked even though he had heard her perfectly, he was just caught up by her question and did not know what to say.
a smile took over the girls’ face as she let out a breathy laugh, God that smile…
“i said, who is this about? i mean it’s so deep, there has to be someone because this isn’t something you can just make up…” she explained to him, and she was right. there was somebody who had inspired him to make the poem and it was her.
but he couldn’t tell her that.
how was he meant to explain to her that he wrote her a whole love poem, and many more, that a wife’s own husband could probably never make up if he tried.
how could he explain that for the past three weeks, she had been running endlessly through his mind?
how could he explain that every time he saw her, it felt like seeing her for the first time again?
how could he explain that in a world full of chaos, she was the peace in his presence?
he felt himself choke up due to nerves, he really did not know what to say to her. he was confused. he was confused on how this girl had so much power over him without even realising.
“a girl.” he managed to finally spit out, “it’s um, it’s about this girl.” he continued.
his eyes wandered her perfectly crafted face before opening his mouth to speak some more, “there’s this one girl who is beautiful. s-she’s sweet, kind and has been stuck in my mind almost everyday.” he spoke, “but the thing is… i haven’t talked to her yet”.
y/n furrowed her eyebrows, “well if you haven’t spoken to her before, then how do you know she’s all of those things?” she questioned curiously.
“because for three weeks i’ve been sat there like an idiot gawking at her, watching her interact with others instead of being a man and attempting to talk to her.” he explained, “there’s just something about her, she’s absolutely perfect.” he rambled on.
a smile that spread on her face exposed her pearly whites to him, “sounds like your in love!” she said excitedly.
“why can’t you just try and speak to her?” she asked curiously.
theo chucked as he brought his head down before bringing back up and look at her again, “because she makes me nervous, and i never get nervous around girls.” he said.
“but she’s different… she’s not like the rest of them, she’s even better.” he said as he was now getting lost in her beautiful brown eyes that seemed to have more colour due to the sun, “s-she’s special.” he muttered as he dropped his eyes to her lips.
it took everything in him to not just take her in his arms and give her the biggest hug ever, but he stopped himself.
y/n examined the boy and his body language, it was really no secret that he was in love. she had seen many of her friends fall in love so she was pretty good at detecting when somebody was undergoing symptoms of the contagious disease of love.
just as she was about to respond to his words, a voice interrupted her words.
“y/n? y/n!” a voice spoke causing them both to turn their heads, revealing a blonde girl in hufflepuff uniform that theo had recognised from one of his classes, her name was scarlett.
“oh hi scar!” y/n exclaimed happily, her eyes lighting up as she saw her dearest friend.
“i’ve been looking for you everywhere, everyone has!” she said excitedly as she got closer to the duo sitting down on the grass.
“we need to go, it’s girls night tonight and we need to start getting ready remember?” scarlett reminded her friend which caused y/n to gasp, “oh my goodness, how could i forget?” y/n questioned herself.
she grabbed her tote bag and shoved her book in there before standing up. scarlett held her hand out, which y/n took happily and began to walk with her.
however, y/n’s movements came to a halt.
theo watched as y/n mumbled a few words to her friend before turning back around and making her way back over to him, causing him to smile a little.
“i’m so sorry, i never got your name.” she spoke, “so incredibly rude of me.” she rambled on which only caused theo to look up at her and smile due to how cute she was.
his was also slightly shaken at the fact that she really didn’t know who he was, he believed that he had made quite the reputation for himself so it shocked him.
he stood up from the ground, his tall frame now meaning that she was the one looking up at him.
“theodore, theodore nott.” he informed her, holding his hand out in hopes that she didn’t deny his request.
his nerves died down as she accepted his request and shook his hand, “i’m happy i met you theo.” she smiled. her smooth hands felt like something he had been missing his whole life.
“wait can i call you that?” she asked frantically, she didn’t want to offend somebody she had just met.
theodore smiled at how cute she was being in that moment, “of course you can… you can call me whatever you want.” he said, slightly regretting what he last said as he didn’t want to embarrass himself even though it was probably too late.
but y/n just let out a laugh. not one that was degrading, but one that made him realise that she found what he said funny which honestly calmed him down.
y/n finally let his hand go before giving him a heart warming smile and walking off as he just stood their and watch her skip over to her friend with a smile planted on his face.
“you see, now that wasn’t hard was it?” mattheo asked his friend cockily as he came out from his hiding spot behind the tree.
but theo didn’t hear him.
instead, he continued to watch the girl walk further, and further away as his stomach did somersaults.
poem made by: Lyra Wren
border creds: @animatedglittergraphics-n-more
AUTHOR SPEAKS! i kind of based this off of an unpublished draft so if i post something familiar to this, it’s cause i described the character in the same way as the draft
Nobody knew that Azriel found his mate. Until she nearly died. This is the aftermath.
Warning:
Rhys Bashing (as usual), Inner Circle Bashing (kinda), Referenced/Implied Sexual Assault, Referenced/Implied Domestic Violence, Discussion of Religion(?), Chronic Injury/Pain/Illness, Minor Character Death (It's probably nobody you love), Magical Work Accidents, Explosions, Injuries
If any of this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable, please take care of your own mental health and don't read it.
"You want to tell me what exactly you apologised for?" Cassian demanded as they left Azriel's bedroom.
Azriel was curled around his mate like a tortoise shell and Cassian was quite sure that Azriel was going to slaughter everybody that would even try to get close to Irena.
Without even a second of hesitation.
He had never seen Azriel so protective before, had never seen him so...possessive. It was almost scary how strongly his brother was reacting to almost losing his mate, how tightly he was curling himself around her like a shield. Cassian knew that mating bonds were intense, that they could drive instincts wild…Fuck, he had felt that all compassing need to pretect and claim himself…but…
But Azriel…he was radiating raw fear and intensity.
Rhys grimaced. "I fucked up," he said frankly.
"Yeah, I agree, given that our brother preferred to keep his mate a secret for 2 years than to actually talk to us.” Cassian let out a low sigh, shaking his head as he ran a hand through his hair. "What exactly did you do that made him keep this from us?" he asked sharply, his voice tinged with frustration.
He didn't want to judge his brother, didn't want to assume that Rhys was the reason for Azriel's secrecy. But he couldn't help but wonder what had caused Azriel to keep something so important from them. And he couldn't help but feel a little hurt that he had been left out of something so significant in his brother's life.
It was frustrating and confusing, and it left Cassian feeling like there was a gulf between him and his brother that he didn't know how to bridge. He just wanted to understand, wanted to make sure that he hadn't done anything to make Azriel feel like he couldn't trust Cassian…
He knew that Azriel was a private person, that he valued his solitude and his privacy. But he had never expected him to keep his mating bond a secret for so long.
It stung a little, that Azriel had been able to hide something so significant for so long without any of them suspecting a thing.
"Around two years ago...I warned Azriel off Elain," Rhys admitted with a grimace. "I was not...particularly...appropriate with my word choices."
Azriel and Elain?! Cassian's eyes widened at the admission, his jaw dropping open in shock. "Elain?! You warned Azriel off Elain?" he asked incrediously. "I didn't even know that there was..."
"There wasn't. Not after...They...they nearly kissed during Solstice once, even with Lucien in the house and it was...I stopped them." Rhys admitted. "It was a political clusterfuck."
Cassian felt another rush of disbelief and anger wash over him at that. He couldn't believe what he was hearing, couldn't believe that Rhys had interfered in Azriel's personal life like that. "You had no right," he growled, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. "You had no right to get involved in his love life like that, Rhys."
"I had every right," Rhys snapped. "Elain has a mate and so has Azriel, as we just found out."
"He didn't know that then," Cassian disagreed. "Elain and Azriel clearly had...something between them and yet you interfered. What exactly did you say to him?"
"I ordered him not to pursue her," Rhys admitted. "I told him to leave her alone. That if he needed to fuck somebody, he should go to a pleasure hall and pay for it."Cassian's eyes widened at the admission, his jaw clenching tight as he struggled to keep his temper in check.
"You...you ordered him?" he asked, his voice low and dangerous. "You actually ordered him to stay away from a girl he clearly had feelings for? And then you...you told him to..." He trailed off, unable to even finish the sentence. He couldn't believe that Rhys had done something so callous and outright cruel to their brother. It was one thing to warn Azriel off of pursuing a girl who already had a mate. But to order him around like some kind of puppet and then insult him like that...it was beyond terrible. "Yeah. No fucking wonder, he didn't say a single word about Irena," Cassian growled under her breath. "You can probably consider yourself lucky that he didn't snap your neck for that, Rhys!"
Rhys winced at the words, his expression turning apologetic. "I know," he said quietly. "I'm...I don't really have an excuse. I was just...I thought I was doing what was best for him, for our Court. I didn't mean to..."
He trailed off, his voice shaking with emotion. Cassian could see how much his brother was struggling with this, how much the knowledge of what he had done was eating away at him. And he couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy for Rhys, even as he was still seething with anger towards him.
He knew that Rhys had always tried to do what he thought was right, that he had always tried to protect their Court and their family. But sometimes...sometimes he made mistakes. And those mistakes had consequences, consequences that were often painful and devastating.
"I did apologise," Rhys said weakly.
"Oh, did you?" Cassian said with a snort. Rhys's apology did little to improve Cassian's temper, his anger still simmering just beneath the surface. "And that makes it all better then?" he demanded, his voice tinged with bitterness. "A simple apology fixes everything? Clearly it doesn't! Otherwise we would have known! Azriel would have told us that he met his mate!"
"What apology?" A voice behind them demanded, and Cassian should probably not be surprised to not only find his own mate there, but also Mor and his High Lady.
"Feyre Darling...Where is Nyx?" Rhys asked
"With Cerridwen. Don't change the topic," Feyre demanded. "What in the cauldron even happened?!"
Cassian let out a low sigh, shaking his head at the interruption. He couldn't help but feel a little grateful for the distraction, though. "Rhys told Azriel not to pursue Elain romantically three years ago.," he explained, his voice tight. "Ordered him to stay away, even. Azriel's been keeping his mate a secret from us for two years now."
He could see the shock and confusion on Feyre's face as he spoke, the disbelief that her mate could have done something so thoughtless and hurtful. He couldn't blame her, really. He was still struggling to wrap his head around it himself.
It didn't make any sense to him, how Rhys could have done something like that without realizing how much it would hurt their brother. How could someone who was supposed to be a High Lord, supposed to be their leader, be so blind to the pain of those he was supposed to protect? It was baffling and frustrating and it made Cassian's blood boil.
But he didn't have time to dwell on it, not right now. Not when they had bigger problems to worry about...like the fact that Azriel had a mate, a mate he had been hiding for two whole years. He knew what a mating bond felt like, knew how all-consuming and intense it could be.
The last thing he had expected was for Mor to start laughing."What?" Cassian snapped, his temper flaring up again. "What's so funny?"
Mor’s laughter continued, her body trembling as she struggled to catch her breath. "I'm sorry," she gasped, her voice choked with mirth as she grinned at him. "It's just...it's just so Azriel. Of course, he would keep his mate a secret for two whole years.”
Cassian stared at her in disbelief, his anger giving way to confusion. "That's what you find funny?" he asked incredulously. "That our brother kept his mate hidden for two bloody years?"
He couldn't understand why Mor would find that amusing, why she was laughing at something that was supposed to be a serious and painful secret. Didn't she know how much it must have hurt Azriel to keep his mate hidden for so long, to keep his feelings for her bottled up inside? Didn't she know how hard it must have been for him to keep up the facade of being fine, of being single and alone?
He couldn't wrap his head around it, couldn't make sense of Mor's humour in the situation. All he could feel was confusion and frustration, and a deep sadness for his brother who had to keep his mating bond a secret for so long.
He had always known that Azriel was a private person, that he didn't like to share his personal life with others. But he had never known that he could keep something like this a secret for so long. It was...it was almost scary, how good Azriel was at hiding his feelings and emotions.
“You find it funny, that Azriel didn’t trust any of us with her?” Nesta asked flatly.
Mor's laughter died down at Nesta's words, her expression turning somber. "No, of course not," she said quietly. "It's just...it's just typical Azriel. He's always been so careful about guarding his emotions, about keeping his love life hidden. I never would have guessed that he had a mate, let alone for two whole years."
“I am not surprised that he didn’t tell you,” Nesta bit out. “Not as you spend 500 years using his own feelings against him.
Mor flinched at Nesta's words, her expression turning pained. "Nesta, that's...that's not fair," she protested. "I never meant to hurt him. I never wanted to."
But Nesta wasn't finished, her eyes blazing with anger as she took a step towards Mor. "You spent five centuries playing with his heart, using him like some kind of toy. And now you're surprised that he didn't tell you about his mate? After everything you've put him through?"
Mor looked down, avoiding Nesta's gaze. "I...I know that I made mistakes," she said quietly. "But I never meant to hurt him."
Nesta scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Oh, please," she sneered. "You knew exactly what you were doing. You knew exactly how Azriel felt about you, and you used it to your advantage. You used him. And after the mating bond between you and Emerie snapped, you never tried to actually talk to him!“
Cassian nearly missed Rhys wincing. Nearly.
“You have anything to do with that too?” He asked darkly.
Rhys flinched at the accusation, his expression turning guilty. "I...I may have had something to do with it," he admitted quietly. "But I was just trying to help. I didn't mean..."
Cassian stared at his brother in disbelief, his anger rising up in him like a tidal wave. "You...you interfered? Again?" he hissed. “What did you tell Azriel?” He demanded.
Rhys sighed, picking a piece of invisible lint of his jacket. "I told him not to ruin this for Mor. That she went through enough.”
Cassian felt a wave of frustration wash over him at Rhys's words. "And you didn't think that maybe Azriel had enough as well?" he asked, his voice barely more than a growl.
He couldn't believe that Rhys had tried to interfere in Azriel's life again, that he had caused even more pain for their brother. And all for the sake of Mor, someone who had rejected Azriel time and time again. It was ridiculous and infuriating.
But the more he heard…the more he understood why Azriel had kept Irena a secret.
He had met his mate and had protected her fiercely, cossetted her away from any of them who could hurt them…had kept her to himself, so Rhys couldn’t say any other idiotic and harebrained thing…Had kept his mate to himself, because he adored her and hadn’t wanted to share. Which quite frankly, Cassian could absoltuely understand now.
And still… Cassian knew what a mating bond could do to someone, how intense and consuming it could be. And the thought that Azriel, their quiet and reserved brother, had had to keep that kind of intensity hidden for so long...it was almost too much for Cassian to fathom.
He didn't know how Azriel had managed it, how he had kept his mating bond a secret for so long without anyone else noticing. It must have been a monumental effort, a constant struggle to keep his emotions and instincts in check.
And the fact that he had done all of that alone, without any support or understanding from the rest of them...it broke Cassian's heart.
And Cassian himself had not made it better. How often had he teased his brother about his love life. Even, and maybe especially, when Azriel had told him to fuck off?
Too often, Cassian realized with a pang of guilt. He had never thought about how his teasing might have hurt Azriel, how it might have added to the burden of keeping his mating bond a secret.
He had always just assumed that they were all teasing each other in good fun, that it was harmless banter between siblings. But now...now he realized that maybe it hadn't been so harmless after all. Maybe it had been something much more cruel and damaging than he had ever intended.
He wished that he could take back every comment he had ever made about Azriel's love life, every joke he had ever made about his solitude. But he knew that he couldn't, that the damage had already been done.
Cassian could just hope that he could find a way to repair things with Azriel, to make amends for all of the hurt and pain that he had unintentionally caused. He just hoped that his brother would be able to forgive him, that they could move past this and build a stronger, more understanding relationship
But deep down, a nagging voice in the back of his mind told him that it might not be so easy. That the wounds inflicted by his words might run too deep to ever be fully healed.
And that thought scared him more than he cared to admit. It scared him to think that he might have forever damaged his relationship with his brother, that his careless words might have destroyed something that he had always taken for granted.
“I don’t even have the words right now,” Feyre said with a sigh.
Cassian glanced in her direction, seeing the pain and frustration written all over her face. He knew exactly what she meant. There were no words for this situation, for the hurt and confusion and betrayal that they were all feeling.
He could only imagine what Azriel must be going through right now, how much he must be struggling with his emotions and thoughts. And he had no idea how they were supposed to help him, how they could make things right again.
“I have no clue how we are supposed to fix this either,” Feyre continued.
Cassian nodded in agreement, feeling a sense of helplessness wash over him. "Yeah," he said quietly. "Me neither."
“Leave him be,” Nesta said tightly. “He nearly lost his mate today.”
Cassian shot Nesta a sharp look, surprised by her words. "Leave him be?" he repeated. "You want to just leave him alone, after all of this?"
"He almost lost his mate today, Cassian," Nesta repeated, her voice tight with emotion. "Let him rest. Let him have some time, space. Let him have that without us bombarding him with questions and apologies."
Cassian considered her words for a moment, feeling a pang of guilt at the thought of bombarding his brother with more questions right now. He already had, hadn’t he? He knew that Nesta was right, that Azriel needed space and time to process everything that had happened. And he knew that they had already done enough damage as it was.
So he nodded, reluctantly agreeing with her suggestion. "Alright," he said quietly. "We'll give him space. For now."
He could only hope that it would be enough, that it would give Azriel the time and space he needed to heal and process everything that had happened. And he hoped, more than anything, that it would be enough for them to repair the damage that they had done to their brother's heart.
But until then, all he could do was wait. Wait and hope that someday, somehow, they could make things right again.
And in the meantime, he would try his best to be there for Azriel, to offer him support and understanding without pushing too hard. Because that was all he could do right now.
That, and wait for a chance to finally make amends for the mistakes he had made.
Because he knew that he had a lot to make up for, and he was determined to do whatever it took to earn Azriel's forgiveness. And to be a better brother from this point forward.
***
She was warm. She was safe. Azriel was holding her...and still...in the moment she first opened her eyes, all she could remember where these last few moments before.
Irena's heart raced as the memories flooded back, of Merrill's office...of how her fellow Priestess, her friend had been sniping at her the moment she entered her office.
"We need to talk, Merrill," Irena had said.
"If Meera complained, it's her own fault," Merrill had seethed. "I don't need her help anyway, I am quicker and better on my own."
And only then Irena had realised that Merrill had already been casting that spell.
"Merrill! Stop!" she had snapped. "You can't do that! It's too..." dangerous. Dangerous was what she had wanted to say. But the word stuck in her throat as Merrill chanted that spell and then...then hell broke loose.
Then the only thing she remembered was quite a lot of pain."
There was no pain now.
There was only Azriel. Only safety and warmth and the smell of cedars...she blinked open her eyes tiredly.
"Azriel," she whispered, her voice barely audible. Her eyelids felt heavy, her body weak and boneless. But still, she felt a sense of relief wash over her as she saw him there, his arms strong and comforting around her.
She wanted to say more, to ask him if he was alright, to apologize for putting him through all of this. But she couldn't find the strength to speak, the words getting stuck in her throat. All she could do was cling to him, grateful for his presence and warmth.
He pressed a kiss against her forehead, clinging to her...and only a moment later she could feel his body shudder against her own. Shudder and the salty smell of tears
Irena's eyes widened in surprise as she realized that he was crying. She had never seen Azriel cry before, not once in all the time they had spent together. But now, he was crying, a quiet sob escaping him as he buried his face in her hair.
Her heart broke at the sound, at the vulnerability he was showing her. She raised a trembling hand to stroke his hair, her fingers tangling in the silky locks. "Azriel," she whispered softly, her voice barely audible. "It's alright. I'm here. I'm here."
She wanted to tell him that she was sorry, that she never meant to hurt him like this. But the words just wouldn't come, her mouth dry and her head still spinning. All she could do was hold him, trying to provide him with the only comfort she had the strength to give.
She didn't know how long they stayed like that, clinging to each other in silence. But eventually, Azriel's tears seemed to dry up, his sobs turning into sniffles and then to deep, shaky breaths.
She felt him press another soft kiss against her forehead, his lips warm and gentle against her skin. "I thought I lost you," he whispered, his voice barely more than a broken murmur. "I thought..."
She could hear the pain and fear in his voice, and it broke her heart even more. "Shhh," she said, still stroking his hair gently. "I'm here now. I'm alright."
She could feel him nod against her, his body slowly relaxing as he held her close. "I was so scared," he whispered. "I was so scared."
She tightened her grip around him, trying to reassure him with her presence. "I know," she said softly. "But I'm here, alright? I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."
Never. Not when she had a single choice in that matter.
She felt him nod again, his body finally relaxing completely against hers.
But for now, this was enough. Just being able to hold him, to feel him pressed against her, was enough. And she hoped, with all her heart, that it was enough for him too.
“How are you feeling? Are you in pain?” he asked her, his voice hoarse. “Are you…”
She looked up at Azriel, seeing the concern etched onto his features. "My abdomen hurts a little…so does my bad leg" she admitted. "But other than that, I feel fine. A little weak, but fine."
Azriel nodded, his expression still tight with worry. "Madja said that it might take a few days for you to fully recover," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "But she was confident that you'll be okay."
Irena nodded, trying to smile reassuringly at him. "I'll be fine, Azriel," she said softly. "I just need some rest and I'll be good as new."
And time. Time to wrap her mind around the fact that her friend had died.
“She didn’t deserve that,” she whispered. Azriel knew what she was talking about.
“She didn’t,” he agreed softly.
“Was anybody else hurt?” Irena whispered, already hating to even contemplate it..
“Just you.”
She closed her eyes, feeling a wave of guilt wash over her. "It's all my fault," she murmured. "If I hadn't confronted her, if I hadn't..." She trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. She could still remember the look on Merrill's face, the anger and hatred in her eyes. And she knew, deep down, that she had caused it.
Azriel's grip on her hand tightened, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on her skin. "It wasn't your fault, Irena," he said firmly. "You didn't make her do what she did. You couldn't have known that she would lash out like that."
She wanted to believe him, to let herself off the hook. But the guilt was too heavy, too all-consuming. "I should have known," she whispered, her voice choked up with emotion. "I should have been more aware, more careful."
Azriel's expression softened, his eyes full of understanding. "You can't blame yourself for this, love," he said gently. "You can't control other people's actions, no matter how much you might want to."
She knew he was right, that she couldn't keep blaming herself for what had happened. But it was hard, so hard, to let go of that guilt. "I just...I never meant for any of this to happen," she said, tears filling her eyes.
Merrill had been brilliant. And yes, she had been snappy and cruel but she had also been funny and bright and…She hadn’t been horrible. Misunderstood maybe, not very nice sometimes but she wasn’t…she hadn’t deserved to die.
Azriel reached out, wiping away her tears with his thumb. "I know," he whispered, his voice full of tenderness. "I know you didn't."
She looked up at him, searching his face for any hint of blame or anger. But all she saw was kindness and understanding, and it almost broke her heart. "How can you be so good to me?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. "After everything..."
He cupped her face gently, his touch sending shivers down her spine. "Because I love you," he said simply, his eyes never leaving hers. "And nothing you can ever do will ever change that. This wasn’t your fault."
She felt a lump form in her throat at his words, her heart swelling with emotion. No one had ever loved her like this before, no one had ever made her feel so safe and cherished.
She leaned into his touch, her eyes closing as she felt him press a soft kiss against her forehead. "I love you, too," she whispered, her voice shaky with emotion. "More than anything."
Laying in his arms, was the most peace she had ever known.
“They know…about us,” Azriel said, exhaling softly. “I am sorry. I couldn’t…I couldn’t let them take you back to your room.”
Irena looked up at him, her eyes wide with surprise. "They know?" she repeated. "They know about us...together?"
He didn’t need to tell her who they was. They was everybody.
Azriel nodded, his expression serious. "I'm sorry," he said again. "I knew you didn't want anyone to know yet, but I couldn't risk them sending you back alone. You were barely conscious and..." He trailed off, his voice tight with emotion.
Irena reached out, taking his hand in hers and squeezing it tightly. "It's okay," she said softly. "I understand." And she did understand. She knew that he had only been trying to protect her, to keep her safe. And she loved him even more for it. And she had wanted to be with him. She had wanted to be held by him. It was worth it. The simple comfort of his presence was worth all the other bullshit they would need to deal with.
Irena smiled up at him, trying to reassure him with her expression. "It doesn't matter if they know," she said. "As long as I have you, nothing else matters."
“It’s gonna be…difficult,” Azriel warned her with a grimace.
“I can deal with your brothers,” she promised him simply. She could. She did deal with them. Well, at least with the High Lord on a monthly basis. She could handle him.
Azriel let out a laugh, shaking his head. "You don't know what you're getting yourself into," he warned her, but there was a slight smile playing on his lips.
She just smiled at him, leaning up to press a soft kiss against his lips.
She would deal with whatever she needed. Because Azriel was worth it.
“Madja should be back soon…do you want a bath?” He asked her softly, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. “I can ask Gwyn or Roslin to come help you.“
Irena smiled gratefully. "Yes, a bath would be lovely," she said, feeling a wave of exhaustion wash over her. "But just a quick one."
Azriel nodded, his expression tender as he looked down at her. "I'll go get Gwyn," he said, brushing her hair away from her face. "You just rest for a moment."
“No,” Irena said softly. “You can help me.”
Azriel's expression softened at her words, his eyes filled with warmth. "Of course," he said gently. "Anything you need." He bent down, scooping her up in his arms and carrying her towards the bathroom. His touch was careful, his steps slow and steady, as if he was afraid of hurting her.
The shadows fluttered around, filling the bathtub, pouring something or other in there until it smelled amazing.
Irena breathed in deeply, feeling the tension in her body slowly begin to ease away. The warm, lavender-scented steam filled her nose, soothing her frayed nerves and calming her racing heart. "That smells amazing," she sighed, leaning against Azriel's chest. "What is it?"
“I have no clue,” he said drily. “I don’t get bubble baths,” he said with a pointed look at the shadows.
He put her down to sit on the edge of the enormous Bath Tub and then very carefully unwrapped the wrappings around her wounds, and her leg. The wounds were closed now, the upper layer knitted back together, but she could still feel them.
“Can you get out of the nightgown on your own?” Azriel asked her, hesitantly.
“Should be fine,” Irena promised.
She watched as he turned around, giving her some privacy. She was grateful for his consideration, but at the same time, she couldn't help feeling a little sad that he wasn't even going to sneak a peek. She shook the thought away, reaching out to tug off the nightgown and carefully lower herself into the tub.
The water was warm and soothing, and she let out a soft sigh as her body sank into it. Irena closed her eyes, feeling the tension slowly drain from her muscles. "This feels amazing," she murmured, leaning back against the edge of the tub. “You can come here,“ she said with some amusement, as he still stood at the doorway, presenting his back to her. His wings were flared as wide as they could get in the bathroom, rippling as muscles seemingly twitched beneath them.
Azriel turned back around, his expression a mix of amusement and relief. He stepped closer to the tub, kneeling down beside it. "Are you sure?" he asked, his voice gentle. "I don't want to accidentally see something you don't want me to."
Irena laughed softly, reaching out to take his hand in hers. "You're too chivalrous for your own good," she teased. "But I appreciate the thought. And yes, I'm sure. Come here."
Azriel nodded, his expression softening as he moved closer to her. He gently ran his fingers through her wet hair, brushing it away from her face. The touch was tender, almost reverent, and Irena leaned into it with a contented sigh. "That feels good," she murmured, her eyes fluttering closed.
“Want me to wash your hair?” he offered her, his voice hesitant.
Like she was ever going to turn down that offer. Irena opened her eyes, looking up at him with a smile. "Yes, please," she said, leaning back further into the water. "I don't think I have the energy to lift my arms right now."
Azriel chuckled softly, reaching for a bottle of shampoo. He squirted a small amount into his palm before carefully working it into her hair, his fingers massaging her scalp in slow, soothing circles. The sensation was heavenly, and Irena closed her eyes again, simply enjoying the moment.
They sat there in silence for a few minutes, Azriel gently working the shampoo into her hair while Irena let herself relax completely. The warm water, the fragrant steam, and Azriel's gentle touch were all working together to ease away her aches and pains.
After a few more minutes, Azriel carefully rinsed her hair, his fingers tenderly brushing away any lingering soap suds. "All done," he said softly, his hands still buried in her hair. "Feeling better?"
She nodded, opening her eyes again and giving him a smile. "Much better," she said, feeling relaxed and drowsy. "Thank you."
Azriel returned the smile, his gaze full of affection. "You're very welcome, love" he said, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to her forehead. "Let's get you out of here and back into bed before you fall asleep in the tub."
Irena laughed softly, nodding in agreement. "That's probably a good idea," she admitted. "I don't think falling asleep in the tub would do my injuries any favours."
He insisted on keeping his eyes closed again, but between him and the shadows, they had her dry and dressed in a nightgown quickly enough.
Azriel scooped her up again as soon as she was dressed, cradling her against his chest as he carried her back to the bed. He settled her gently onto the mattress, tucking the blankets around her before sitting down beside her.
“You know…next time…you should let me return the favour,” she said softly.
Azriel raised an eyebrow, a slow smile spreading across his face. "You want to wash my hair, huh?" he asked, his tone teasing. "Careful, I might take you up on that offer."
“You could join me in the tub,” she said softly, biting her lip.
Azriel's eyes darkened at her suggestion, his gaze intense as he looked down at her. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" he asked, his voice low and husky. "I’ll have…some…bodily reaction to that,” he pointed out.
Her cheeks flushed but she kept a hold of his hand.
Irena swallowed, feeling a flutter of both nerves and excitement in her belly. But she didn't back down. "I'm sure," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I want...I want to be close to you. Like that." She could see his hesitation and the faintest hint of doubt in his eyes.
But she knew that hesitation had nothing to do with lack of desire. It was simply that he was worried about her. Worried about hurting her, or pushing her too far. And she loved him all the more for it, but she also knew that she wanted this. Wanted him.
“Think about it. She said softly. “Maybe in a few weeeks?”
Azriel nodded, his gaze softening as he looked down at her. "In a few weeks," he agreed softly. "When you're healed." He leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. "Let's focus on getting you better first, hmm?"
if I was one of those astronauts stuck in the space station I'd be vlogging the fuck out of it. they still have the internet connection up there right? I'd be the most annoying vlogger I could possibly be. ooooohhhh nooooo nasa doesn't want me to spill secrets? bitch how are they gonna stop me without coming and getting me!!! GRWM to go investigate the mysterious pinging sound in the decrepit ISS that I'm trapped in!!! I'm doing live streams with the aliens! I'm making an onlyfans that's just me cosplaying as Ripley from the alien movies! nasa for every day you don't come get me the panties will get tinier and tinier. there will be a different kind of black hole broadcast on your website soon!! I'm posting a vid of me messaging and flirting with all the wives of the employees who are taking too long to come and save me. I'm tagging the official doctor who and star trek accounts in every post. I'm doing tiktok dances while the other astronaut is visibly trapped in the airlock behind me. I'm offering to do brand deals with a different country's space program. I'm posting a compilation of me asking the other astronaut "what are we" at the most inappropriate times. I'm going out of my way to edit my videos of earth so it looks flat just because I'm BORED.
Summary: You're positive Azriel is in love with Elain. It seems so obvious. But Cassian is laughing at you and suddenly nothing makes quite so much sense anymore.
Word count: 2.3k
Warnings: Azriel's POV (it's a warning here), angst
a/n: I am blown away by all of you and your support!! I really love writing for this fandom omg. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy ♡ Let me know what you think!! I'll get the next update up soon!
Part 1, Part 2
~~
Azriel was losing his ever-loving mind.
A few weeks ago, everything was fine. Not optimal, but fine.
He knew his mate, and that was more than could be said for most of Prythian. But even more than that, he could love her from afar. He could make small remarks and catch the smiles they would elicit. He could send his shadows after her on her walks home, protecting her even though she had the entire Inner Circle looking out for her wellbeing. He could buy the ridiculously expensive pastries she loved and stock the kitchens with them, listening for the small gasps she let out each time she found them.
He could talk to you, listen to you, love you in his small ways, even if it wasn’t the ways in which he longed for.
Because it wasn’t the right time yet. You hadn’t felt the bond for yourself.
So, yes—admittedly, Azriel had not been in the most optimal position with you. But it was leaps and bounds better than the purgatory you were subjecting him to now.
He mulled over his current reality as he sat opposite to you at the dining table. He had had to snag the seat from Mor, ripping the chair from her hand in an uncharacteristic show of aggression, and you hadn’t so much as looked up from your plate. He would’ve rather fought for the seats beside you, but Rhys and Cassian had been sitting before he even entered the room. So now he fought for your eyes and was too far away to offer any lingering, accidental touches.
Not that you would reciprocate either.
You were avoiding him, and Azriel was at his wit's end trying to decipher why.
His shadows had relayed dismal reports, only whispering the words sad and alone and contemplative into his ears each morning. He could have guessed as much, if the display of emotions he had tried to comfort you through all those days ago told him anything.
But Gods, did they really tell him nothing, because you hadn’t spoken to him since.
“—that is certainly something to consider. Y/n, would you be open to the job?”
“Hm?” you hummed, and Azriel watched as your eyes flickered over to Rhys in one abrupt movement. “Sorry, what?”
Rhys raised a brow lined with humor, and Azriel realized he hadn’t been listening to the conversation either. “Helion has extended an invitation to the Night Court—for diplomatic relations and all. It’s mostly a weekend stay for show, but he has quite an extensive library. Feyre and I went last time so it would only be fair if—”
“Yes,” you nodded, the most emotion Azriel had seen on your face in days blooming into a joyous array. “Of course, I would love to go. Are you kidding?”
Rhys chuckled. “I figured. Helion has been quite eager to get you to come as well. Seemed like the perfect time.”
Azriel didn’t miss the way the High Lord’s eyes shone with something other than mirth as he looked closer at the scholar… as he inspected your facade the same way Azriel had been for the past week.
“When can I leave?”
Something in Azriel scratched to a halt. “She’s to go alone?”
Feyre offered the spymaster a soft smile from the other side of the table. “If she wishes. Helion’s invitation was open-ended.”
“Take the vacation, I say,” Mor piped in, wine glass raised in a solitary toast.
“Or… you could take me,” Cassian grinned beside you, jostling you in a playful grip.
You sent a scoff his way. “Aren’t you banned?”
“No, actually. I’m banned from Summer Court, which is completely unrelated.”
A short laugh trickled from your lips. It wasn’t a full one, not like the ones Azriel was so used to—the ones he basked in—but it was a laugh, nonetheless.
He felt the way his eyes seemed to follow the crescendo of it, his blinks in time with the sweet sound.
He committed it to memory.
“Right, well let’s keep you away from neighboring courts as much as possible so we can avoid a repeat of that, okay?”
Something like a grin fought at the side of Azriel’s mouth at your quip.
Cassian prattled on. Something about unjust rules or ridiculous high lords—Azriel wasn’t paying attention. He was too caught up in you and the way you were so close to meeting his gaze.
“Perhaps she shouldn’t go alone,” Azriel spoke up, interrupting his brother’s spiel. You still didn’t look at him, instead turning to catch Rhys’s response.
“Azriel, I can assure you this is a safe visit,” Rhys offered. He knew. Everyone seemed to know but you. “It’s hardly even business. It’s more of a vacation. I’ve been shoving century-old relics in her face for the past few months. She deserves time to herself, don’t you think?”
His High Lord was speaking in code. A terrible, frustrating code that really meant, “give her some distance.”
Azriel had had enough of distance.
He nodded his head all the same.
And then, despite all odds, you looked at him.
You looked at him and it was as if the air had been knocked from his lungs. As if he had been wrung out and stretched thin and every bone in his body forced him to sit up straighter. You were looking at him and Azriel couldn’t conceptualize the way the spectrum in his chest moved so quickly from utter relief to the brink of desolation.
Because you looked at him as if you were broken. A sad—such a sad—smile graced your face, one he had never had the displeasure of seeing before, and he wanted to wipe it away. He wanted to kiss it from your face with soft touches and reassuring whispers and that was startling for Azriel because he usually kept his overwhelming urge to kiss you at bay.
“I’ll bring you back a souvenir,” is all you said. Such simple words to accompany an expression that sent him reeling.
“Thank you,” he replied, with the most sincerity he could muster.
And then he held your gaze as it became downcast. He craned his neck to catch every last second of your eyes as they turned back down to the table.
It was hours later that Azriel found himself in the townhouse, boots creating an indent in the office carpet. Rhys sat just feet away from him, leaning back against the desk, waiting for the Shadowsinger to erupt.
“I would like for you to position your spies further into Autumn. I know you have a few that have integrated into the court, but I need more intel on Eris and his plans.”
“Of course.”
“You can take out any currently residing in Day. Just for the next week or so. With y/n going, she can report any happenings.”
A muscle in Azriel’s jaw jumped. “Would that be wise?”
Rhys stared back at his brother, expression giving nothing away. “Why wouldn’t it be? Do you not trust y/n’s word?”
Azriel’s wings were taut against his back. In truth, he hadn’t felt relaxed in days. With you leaving, that tension would surely pull him into thin compliance.
“Obviously I trust her word, Rhysand.”
“Rhysand? What have I done to earn your grievance?” the High Lord asked, crossing his arms over his chest, still the perfect picture of calm.
Azriel was a juxtaposition before him as he clenched his hands and replied, “You already know.”
“Do I know? I’m not sure you’ve been clear or honest with anyone. Y/n especially.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Rhys bent at the elbow and rubbed a restless hand across his jaw. Azriel ignored the movement in favor of holding eye contact with the High Lord. Azriel was being stubborn, he knew that, but there was no other way to be.
He needed to be consistent and reliable. He needed to be a pillar for his family to lean on, and you were part of that. He wasn’t going to take that away from you—to be selfish and call upon a mating bond you hadn't even been made aware of yet.
He wasn’t going to squander your friendship in the hopes of something more.
There was a chance, no matter how much the prospect pained him to consider, that you wouldn’t want the bond. You had never hinted at wanting more with the spymaster, so there was no telling how you might react to the cauldron blessing you with a union. You could reject it, and with it would go your friendship.
Just the thought sent ice through Azriel’s veins.
Truth be told, he had never shown you many signs either. When the bond snapped months ago, it had taken time for Azriel to come to terms with the truth. He had ruminated on it amidst many sleepless nights, watched you from a new perspective over many dinners, and contemplated the path that had led him to you.
And then he had regretted. Cauldron had he regretted.
The feeling still lingered, a reminder of each woman he had taken to his bed before you. All of the fae that had meant nothing, and even the ones that had boarded on something, he wished he could do away with.
Because you had been privy to them all. He knew you had witnessed a few late-night trysts, and even worse, that you had watched him pine after Mor for a century. It all seemed so frivolous now; it all paled in comparison to you.
And the absolute worst part of it all is that he knew.
He knew how easy it would be to fall in love with you from the start, so he pretended not to notice.
He threw himself into impractical longing and meaningless lovers and he pretended that it didn’t hurt to look at you.
The bond had only cemented his foolishness.
He hardly had a chance with you by the time it snapped.
“Late night then, Az?”
You had teased him over breakfast just days before the bond had snapped for him, a small smile on your face as you lounged at the table early in the morning. At the time, Azriel had bit the inside of his cheek and reeled in his snarkiness. He had avoided your gaze, avoided the robe that barely covered your nightgown, and made himself toast in silence. He had already coaxed the blonde fae out of his bed, and he hadn’t needed a reminder of the woman he had been imagining all throughout the night.
Because that had been something else he opted to ignore—that he pictured you, imagined you, at all times.
It snapped three days later. He had been accompanying you through Velaris. “Shopping for fun,” you had said, “and I hate to go alone.”
The only thing Azriel had taken home that day was a gaping hole in his chest and the knowledge that lying to himself had brought him nothing but pain.
The months following were different.
Everything was different.
But for you, he had come to the grim realization, nothing was different at all. He was still Azriel, your friend Azriel, who was secretive and private and cared from afar. You still pictured him as a man who chose his lovers based on convenience and quick practicality even though he hadn’t so much as looked at another woman since your emotions began flowing through his chest.
Gods, your emotions. They were so positive, so addicting, he could sit back and live his days through you until the end of time. You had so much unrestricted joy coursing through you—so much curiosity and delight. Part of Azriel dreaded the day you did recognize the bond; it would dim the connection to you.
That day in the library had been the first time the bond had chafed against his lungs. He had felt the earthquake beneath his feet and thought nothing of it, but then your fear punctured his being and he had run so fast his wings ached.
And then you started having nightmares, ones he couldn’t fix, and Azriel began to feel like he was losing you. Like the bond was withering and eroding within him and you along with it.
“How long, Azriel?” Rhys’s voice cut through the air with a harshness.
The shadowsinger breathed through his nose, jaw tight.
“Tell me. Tell me how long you’re going to keep this up for.”
“You don’t understand, Rhys,” came Azriel’s low reply. “None of you do.”
The High Lord scoffed. “Right, because I had it so easy with Feyre. Az, mates are complicated—”
“Don’t,” Azriel breathed. A dangerous shakiness accompanied the word.
“Explain it to me. Help me to understand how—”
“There was nothing for you to lose!” The rise of the shadowsinger’s voice sent Rhys into silence. “There was nothing! You hadn’t known Feyre for three centuries—hadn’t known what it was like to see her cry over worthless males or laugh until she was doubled over. You didn’t have time to memorize the sound of her voice or understand how it felt to lose that small piece of her. Because she won’t even talk to me anymore and—”
Azriel cut himself off, moving for the first time since he entered office. He paced, the motion of his feet doing little to dispel the tension from the air or from his body. Azriel tugged a hand through his hair, his shadows following the aggressive pull and weaving through the strands.
“How long?” Rhys asked again, but this time, Azriel knew that he was asking a different question. One that even he himself had avoided answering.
The shadowsinger paused. His next words were tainted and his voice cracked.
waiting for us — masterlist pt 2: electric boogaloo
pairing. OT8 x fem!reader
synopsis. At age 16 you either get your soul mark (in the form of your soulmates name somewhere on your body) or you become a blank, someone who doesn't have a soulmate. You've long lost any semblance of hope or comfort in the magic of soulmates, despite the fact that you have 8 of them.
genre. soulmate!au, college!au, social media!au + written parts, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, smut
cw. swearing, mentions of sex, sexual innuendos, skz should be in horny jail, eventual smut (MDNI), domestic abuse, sexual assault/harassment, implied/referenced self-harm, suicidal tendencies/thoughts, male x male relationships (skz are soulmates), polyamory, kms/kys jokes, mentions of homophobia + transphobia, lots of written parts, reader is really bad at feelings, ulzzang pics (this is more so to focus on the fashion), appearance of junhao, yeji and hyunjin are siblings, more to be added
wanna support my work? consider buying me a coffee.
go back to masterlist part one.
Chapter fourty one. sunset
Chapter fourty two. ferret codedChapter fourty three. more rumours
Chapter fourty three point five. a talk w/ hyune
Chapter fourty four. to nationals
Chapter fourty five. andong
bonus chapters:
everyone's sexual preferences.
thirst tweets.
handsome boys.
size
boyfriend day!
memes part one
alignment charts
3005 [an atlas heart remix] || modern hogwarts ! poly sope au
>> they're already together. she's in love with someone else. in a whirlwind of circumstances predetermined by the war they never asked for, 8 friends manage to keep their innocence and cause chaos along the way ((with the help of 4 very familiar troublemakers)). but if it's not hard to fathom werewolves, illegal animagi, and absolute mayhem, why is it so hard for her to accept that love doesn't play by the rules? <<
[spinoff of my au 'atlas heart' !!]
>> a/n : hello hello and welcome to what will probably be the most heinous thing i ever write outside of right thru me and messy love haha yay! this was entirely unplanned and unexpected but i was bamboozled into making a poly sope spinoff so here you go!
please note that this is a "remix" of atlas heart, so all the characters are exactly the same [except y/n is a hufflepuff this time around], but the friend groups and dynamics are totally different, so the plot of atlas heart will not overlap with 3005. you don't have to read atlas heart first to understand what's happening in 3005, but it would probably help explain a lot of things i'll be taking for granted here (the war, the sibling dynamic between jk and y/n, etc) !
that said, 3005 is NOT part of my Hogwarts Series, so the plot of this au will have no impact on the series at all! we're just taking a quick detour <3 <<
masterlist
-> status : [complete] <-
-> taglist : [closed] <-
>> playlist <<
teaser || intros pt. 1 || intros pt. 2 || tattoos/piercings per character
IDOLS DONT DATE! — PART 9: SAYING FUTURE GF IS CRAZYYY 😬😬
hi!!! i have a lot (not that many actually) posts ready and waiting in my drafts to be posted!!! so i might post twice daily!! so if you want to make sure u dont miss anything ask to be on the taglist!! also pls like and reblog it helps with reaches :)
TAGLIST: @rodygr @marvelahsobx @im-yn-suckers @haechansbbg @linocvp1d @starlit-rin @deafeningtyrantmilkshake @kyanmeai @aleiouvre @kpopstanmeg @bluxjun @mlushyy @yourallaround-simp @j-wyoung @bigheadchen @nikitopia @saturnmooonxx @won-der5 @what-the-y2k @hoonluvr2000 @wondering-out-loud @schmocolateschmchip let me know if you want to be added!!
i did not proof read and i am not a professional writer. i will be busier this upcoming week and weekend so uodates may not be as frequent but i will still try!! i hope you guys enjoy this chapter and i actually wrote a lot more rhan i intended to in the first place 😭😭
m.list | previous | next
“hello guys!! y/n here and today we are going to interview another group today! you may know them with some of their hit songs such as: drunk dazed, given taken and tamed dashed, its enhypen!!! well not right now haha but i am currently on my way to their room!” you spoke, holding the vlog camera as you traveled down the hybe hallways to reach enhypens group room.
you bite your bottom lip once you reached the door, and looked back at the camera you held in your hand. “im actually really nervous i hope they let me in the room” you covered your mouth with your hand in embarrassment. you looked at the camera people in front of you and they were convincing you to knock and that it was okay.
you knocked on the door and stood there for a few seconds before a face popped through the small opening of the door. “yes? how can i help y—“ was spoken from the member jake, whos jaw was dropped and face went red. wasn’t too noticible on camera, but just enough for you to notice the shade of red that was bloomed on his face.
“ah!! y/n! give us a second alright?” he looked around frantically before closing the door and you looked back at the cameras and atarted to laugh awkwardly. surely there wasnt a time given for when the interview was going to happen, but maybe they werent ready yet? of course their manager and crew mustve set up the room already.
“umm that was weird…” you looked at the camera before laughing, “they must be as nervous as i am, i dont know why though”. your speech was interrupted by the door opening fully and instead of jake, the leader jungwon was there.
“hello y/n! its great to meet you! come on in!” he smiled, moving out of the door way so you would be able to step into the room. the room was very much like your teams room, except there it was a little messier as in clothes and chargers around the room, but the members were seated on the couch as well as stools behind the couch, with a stool to the side fhat you assumed was for you.
you waved nervously and bowed to the seven members before speaking softly. “hello everyone” your voice became quieter as your crew began to come in the room to set up for the interview.
jungwon took his place on the couch inbetween niki and sunghoon, but bowed to you one last time before he did. “take your seat y/n! we wouldnt like you to stand all interview”
“alright, thank you very much” you smiled and bowed again before handing your camera to your manager. you sat down on the stool and looked at the members. sitting on the couch in the front were jake who was the closest to you, niki and jungwon in the middle, and sunghoon on the end. in the back on the stools were sunoo, jay and heeseung.
you made eye contact with heeseung and you couldnt help but turn red and look away. metting your idol was crazy in a moment like this, and you couldnt believe that this was real. in the same company as him, bith being idols together, let alone being in the same room as him? not to mention you always happened to enjoy enhypens songs during your trainee days, as well as now.
the crew gave you a thumbs up and you knew it was time to start the interviewing. you placed you booklet onto your lap and gripped the end of your skirt as you took in a deep breath. picking up the booklet you looked at the members who were all warmly smiling at you, and you just knew that everything was going to be alright.
“hello! we are here and set up! i am now with enhypen and we are ready to begin our interview!” you looked at the camera smiling brightly. “im sure many people already know you guys, but would you like to introduce yourselves?” you turned and looked at the boys.
they nodded and agreed, and jungwok started to speak up for the group. “one, two, connect! hello, we are enhypen!” they all bowed and greeted you and the cameras. “im jungwon, the leader of enhypen and im quite excited to be meeting you today!” he continued on before letting the next member speak.
“hey, im niki and im the youngest in the group. i think jake should go next” he laughed mischeviously and patted jake on the back. jake shot him the evilest look before turning back to you with the softest smile ever.
his smile was perfect, his black hair framed his face perfectly well, and the outfit he was dressed in was quite your style and almost incredible. he was wearing the same light blue colour as you were, mixed with white shirt and white baggy jeans. it almost looked like the two of you were matching on purpose. you wondered if your stylist tried to match the two of you.
“ah– hello! im jake! you probably already know me– not from like in person– yeah we havent met in person before” jake was so nervous he kept cutting himself off and could not stop blabbing whatever came to his mind, “but i mean like you know our group obviously! ah– not that you should know who we are but um i mean–“
“we get it jake!” heeseung spoke, cutting the poor boy off. jake made a mental note to thank him later for that. “he’s jake, and my name is heeseung.” he smiled and bowed to you, which made your face redden a bit. it made you so happy that this was going smoothly so far.
the rest of the members introduced themselves and you began to get on with the questions and small talk. they were all very kind and engaged in the conversation very well. a lot of laughs were shared between the eight of you, and you could not stop smiling.
“alright, now i know you guys have been preparing for your comeback called dark blood? how has it been going for you guys so far? is it different from other comebacks of yours?”
“im having a lot of fun with this comeback, and i just feel like it fits our group concept and what were going for.” jungwon starts off by answering the question. he was such a dependable guy, as well as a great leader.
“yeah!! the concept photos were fun to shoot and the whole vibe was like really nice!! honestly the whole thing felt super sexy and it was just fun all together” sunoo added to what jungwon said, while laughing.
“im excited to see what you guys comeback with!!! i have the albums preordered already dont even worry.” you spoke, to which they all laughed. “now i was wondering if you guys had any good friends you’ve made along the way? i feel like ive already made so many so far and its only been a month since my debut haha”
“were all very good friends with txt!! we often film together and talk a lot. i know that jake and i are friends with a few members of stray kids too. honestly everyone in this whole industry is great.” heeseung spoke, patting sunghoon on the shoulders, who was sat in front of him.
“ah, yeah im very good friends with bang chan and felix, i guess its an australian thing. but theyre great people actually and we text quite often.” jake smiled, remembering conversations he previously had with the two aussie members.
“i saw a thing on twitter when i posted on our account, and i saw that you seem to have a thing for australians, noona?” niki spoke with a grin on his face.
“oh!! um—“
“niki you cant just ask that” jay was holding in his laughter as he put his hand on the youngest members shoulder.
“well i dont necessarily have a thing for them– i just happen to like them! my idols just so happen to be australian!!” you spoke, with your notebook covering the blush on your face.
“so is jake your idol?” sunoo now joined in on the teasing even though he fully knew the answer was heeseung.
“ah– it’s embarrassing– but heeseung has been my idol haha his singing inspires me a lot” you play with your hair awkwardly. you notice jakes smile drop and heeseung only laughs.
“well thats interesting!!! anyways, what do you think of jake now that you met him??? are you going to add him to your aussie list??” jay smirked looking at jake. jake was going red with embarrassment and wanted nothing more than to shut his members up.
“ah!! well he is really cool!! but you all are cool! im glad i am getting to know you guys more!” you nodded, standing up. “anyways, i think its time we play a game snd get up, yeah?”
the game was a dancing challenge, and if you knew the danced you stayed, but if you didnt know them you were out. it started off easy, with a few well known songs and choreos, but soon it started to get more difficult. everyone was so enthusiastic, and jake couldnt keep his eyes off of you the whole time.
your song started to play, and jake danced like he was part of your group, which you couldnt help but giggle at the black haired boy. a few more songs started to pass by, and only you, heeseung, jake and niki were left. heeseung knew a lot of choreos, and niki could memorize very quickly. jake? he wanted to impress you. the boys were shocked at how long jake was holding out for and how many dances he knew.
heeseung noticed how hard jake was trying, so he eventually used a girl group song that he knew to take himself out of the challenge, pretending he didnt know what he was doing. since he left, it was just you and jake and you guys were smiling snd laughing, quite tired. he thoight you looked gorgeous like this, and didnt know if he should continue to show off or let you win.
one last song played, and you stopped in your tracks. you didnt know the song too well, and you also did not want to win your own game. you showed your dancing skills enough to enhypen and the viewers that will watch on youtube later.
“ah im out!!! so congrats jake on winning the dance challenge!!” you smiled, running over to put your arms out for a hug. he hugged you back awkwardly, so you decided to fix it and give each other a high five.
“that was unexpected,” niki whispered to heeseung, “i fully thought he was going to let her win.” heeseung nodded and thought the same.
“thank you guys so much for talking to me and playing with me today! i enjoyed very much meeting you guys and i hope this is not the last time meeting!!” you bowed, and then turned to the cameras which were still recording, “and thank you guys for watching the video! i hope you enjoyed very much!”
“bye!!!” the seven boys all waved at the camera, and then they turned off. you let out a breath or relief and you smiled, going to your manager quickly. she told you that you did amazingly, and your fans would love the video. little did you know, they would love the video because they would soon start to ship you and jake.
jungwon came up to you smiling before asking if you had any social media or anything. you gave him your twitter, which he said he would share wirh the other members.
“thank you guys so much once again for doing this with me!! have a great rest of the day!!” you bowed, and then left with your camera crew. the girls were going to hear so much about this from you.
TAGLIST: @rodygr @marvelahsobx @im-yn-suckers @haechansbbg @linocvp1d @starlit-rin @deafeningtyrantmilkshake @kyanmeai @aleiouvre @kpopstanmeg @bluxjun @mlushyy @yourallaround-simp @j-wyoung @bigheadchen @nikitopia @saturnmooonxx @won-der5 @what-the-y2k !!! let me know if you want to be added!!
if you can’t look at another person in any context without their body type becoming your primary focus and invoking rage or disgust, you have serious issues.
like i really need you to know that looking at another person and seeing only how much they weigh and then having a negative emotional response to that is a deranged thing to do.
synopsis; y/n has debuted in a new girl group called EVERLAST under the label HYBE. to get to know all her fellow coworkers and gain more fame for her group, y/n has been tasked to interview other kpop groups for youtube. during an interview with the group ENHYPEN, one aussie accent makes her unable to stop blushing and keep her cool.
featuring; enhypen members, le sserafim members, txt members, kep1er’s bahiyyih, nmixx’s kyujin, ive’s gaeul, aespa’s ningning. since all of these members are in EVERLAST, they will not be in their own groups as they exist without them for this au.
warnings; inappropriate jokes, jake is down bad, talks of self body image, probably more as the story progresses
disclaimer; the faceclaim for y/n is nayeon from twice!! the songs that the group will come out with will be twice songs since i am not making new songs 😞 also this is not an accurate representation of the idols!
tag list: none!! let me know if you want to be added!!
started: TBA
completed: 05/15/23
PROFILES; EVERLAST | THE MEN, THE MYTHS, THE LEGENDS | THE DEVIL SAID 😈 | UN UN FORGIVEN GIVEN GIVEN
sundress [a blossom spinoff] || modern hogwarts ! yoongi au
[i guess you fell into the wrong hands // and now you’re effin with the wrong man]
>> childhood best friends. platonic soulmates. dumb dumb and big-head. no matter the name, their relationship has never changed. the lion and the snake. the promiscuous boy with commitment issues and the girl who sticks by his side no matter what. he’s not himself without her and she’d give him the world if he asked for it. they keep each other whole, nothing else needed when they’re together.
he can’t help but want to fix things when her ex-boyfriend jungkook won’t stop calling, and she can’t help but go along with his crazy plans, no matter how much they cross the lines of friendship. but if they’re being honest, there never really were any lines, were there? <<
[spinoff of my au ’blossom’!!]
>> a/n : so…. i never claim a favorite au because i love every single one and i am obsessed with every single one while im writing it…. anyway, welcome to my favorite au! i have a lot of Feelings for blossom!yoongi and it seems you guys do, too, so please have this entirely self-indulgent spinoff and suffer with me!!!
as someone heavily influenced by music when i write, the playlist is very important in all my aus, but especially here! the writing style of this au will be a bit different from my regular work, so im making a lot of changes to how i structure this one. my authors notes for each chapter will be a single line from one of the songs on the playlist so you have a feeling of where my head is at while im writing – if youre someone who likes to have mood music while reading, feel free to check out the song referenced in each chapter!
BEFORE YOU READ : please make sure you read ‘blossom’ before starting this au as all the characters are the same and the timelines start in the same place, so there will be some familiar events from 'blossom’ that probably won’t make sense here unless you read that one first.
BEFORE YOU READ (x2) : sundress contains explicit content, so i ask that anyone under the age of 18 please not interact with this au (comments, asks, etc) at any point. thank you for understanding!
that said, 'sundress’ is NOT part of my hogwarts series, so the plot of this au will have no impact on the series as a whole. thanks for reading! <<
masterlist
genres : fake dating, fwb, best friends to lovers, mature(???) content????
warnings : a LOT of suggestive content (no fully explicit content), yoongi is everyones favorite thot, jungkook is a total dick for a long time and literally the ONLY source of angst in this whole au!
-> status : [complete] <-
-> taglist : [closed] <-
-> update schedule : twice a week (mon/thurs) <-
>> playlist <<
[01]. she’ll be just fine. [written]
[02]. “I’ll fix this.” [written]
[03]. chlamydia hands
[04]. weird nurse fantasies
[05]. stalker behavior [text + written]
[06]. “Here goes nothing” [written]
[07]. she needs him. [text + written]
[08]. weirdly normal [text + written]
[09]. “I like it.” [text + written]
[10]. a totally real couple
[11]. just his type [written]
[12]. is he right?
[13]. playing this game [written]
[14]. looking respectfully
[15]. “What’s stopping you?” [written]
[16]. lets play Too Hot
[17]. the jealous girlfriend card [text + written]
sundress [a blossom spinoff] || modern hogwarts ! yoongi au
[i guess you fell into the wrong hands // and now you’re effin with the wrong man]
>> childhood best friends. platonic soulmates. dumb dumb and big-head. no matter the name, their relationship has never changed. the lion and the snake. the promiscuous boy with commitment issues and the girl who sticks by his side no matter what. he’s not himself without her and she’d give him the world if he asked for it. they keep each other whole, nothing else needed when they’re together.
he can’t help but want to fix things when her ex-boyfriend jungkook won’t stop calling, and she can’t help but go along with his crazy plans, no matter how much they cross the lines of friendship. but if they’re being honest, there never really were any lines, were there? <<
[spinoff of my au ’blossom’!!]
>> a/n : so…. i never claim a favorite au because i love every single one and i am obsessed with every single one while im writing it…. anyway, welcome to my favorite au! i have a lot of Feelings for blossom!yoongi and it seems you guys do, too, so please have this entirely self-indulgent spinoff and suffer with me!!!
as someone heavily influenced by music when i write, the playlist is very important in all my aus, but especially here! the writing style of this au will be a bit different from my regular work, so im making a lot of changes to how i structure this one. my authors notes for each chapter will be a single line from one of the songs on the playlist so you have a feeling of where my head is at while im writing – if youre someone who likes to have mood music while reading, feel free to check out the song referenced in each chapter!
BEFORE YOU READ : please make sure you read ‘blossom’ before starting this au as all the characters are the same and the timelines start in the same place, so there will be some familiar events from 'blossom’ that probably won’t make sense here unless you read that one first.
BEFORE YOU READ (x2) : sundress contains explicit content, so i ask that anyone under the age of 18 please not interact with this au (comments, asks, etc) at any point. thank you for understanding!
that said, 'sundress’ is NOT part of my hogwarts series, so the plot of this au will have no impact on the series as a whole. thanks for reading! <<
masterlist
genres : fake dating, fwb, best friends to lovers, mature(???) content????
warnings : a LOT of suggestive content (no fully explicit content), yoongi is everyones favorite thot, jungkook is a total dick for a long time and literally the ONLY source of angst in this whole au!
-> status : [complete] <-
-> taglist : [closed] <-
-> update schedule : twice a week (mon/thurs) <-
>> playlist <<
[01]. she’ll be just fine. [written]
[02]. “I’ll fix this.” [written]
[03]. chlamydia hands
[04]. weird nurse fantasies
[05]. stalker behavior [text + written]
[06]. “Here goes nothing” [written]
[07]. she needs him. [text + written]
[08]. weirdly normal [text + written]
[09]. “I like it.” [text + written]
[10]. a totally real couple
[11]. just his type [written]
[12]. is he right?
[13]. playing this game [written]
[14]. looking respectfully
[15]. “What’s stopping you?” [written]
[16]. lets play Too Hot
[17]. the jealous girlfriend card [text + written]
prguitarman
vaporwave
turnnoffyourmind
stormborns
dededos
andulkaphoto
pixelskylines
gummygunk
