♡

거울 속에 내 모습은 텅빈 것처럼 공허해

[imstillboobear]

I used to love writing, and now I barely write.

Here I am just reminiscing the pieces that I wrote from years that has passed. But I also know myself, I know that I write when I'm in a place where I get so overwhelmed and so into my emotions.

I barely feel anything for the past year, I guess I felt lifeless. Don't get me wrong, I have been happy whenever I'm with my friends. I also feel butterflies (I won't elaborate on this lol). But I know that the life that I'm living now is not the life that I wanted, it's not the life that God wanted.

I'm a very self aware person, I know that I need help. I'm trying to get it. I hope that I can be the person that God wants me to be again.

[imstillboobear]

I hope to feel better soon

I’m not happy, but I’m optimistic that I will be. I found happiness before, for sure it’ll find me soon. Not a person, but just within me. I hope to love myself a little bit more everyday. Poetic me is coming back though, so I guess I’m being myself again... kinda.

[imstillboobear]

Surprisingly, not caring about everything is awesome. Just let things be, if people betray you then it’s on them. If people lose care or interest, then it’s not a loss it’s a win🤍

[imstillboobear]

Self love nalang muna guys🤍🥺 Yoko na mag-talk basta.

[imstillboobear]

First ever bike ride to moa, grateful for these people. Natupad ang dream magbike to see the bay😅

[miniangel]

can i be honest? i think you’re all very cool and beautiful and capable. i think you deserve so much kindness and love and happiness. i hope it comes back to you tenfold. i think you deserve that.

[rarestsparkle]

STOP being okay with everything. You deserve to be treated right.

[imstillboobear]

Most times

I hate myself and most times I wish that I was born normal. I wish that I didn’t have adhd and that I’m not me. I feel like I’m just a nuisance to everyone. To my friends, and to the people I love and care deeply about. I resent myself, and the illness that comes from being me.

Maybe, if I remove myself from people’s lives they’d be better and happy.

[imstillboobear]

If I disappear

Would you want that?

Would my parents love that?

Will I make everyone happy?

Will I make your lives easier?

Am I really just a nuisance, a piece of trash that gets in the way of everyone’s happiness?

I hate myself, I thought that I was starting to love myself again but things that I do makes me hate the fact that I exist.

Because of my actions, because of my illness, because of me... you’re not happy. 

So I guess, I’ll just have to disappear.

[kento-kuns]

[television]

Olivia Rodrigo | TRAITOR 

[imstillboobear]

I’m sorry.

[imstillboobear]

Not everyone would understand you, some people may. But not everyone. Not every person who cares about you will do. But someone will, eventually.

Had the opportunity to open my heart to a very special person today. Told that person about my trauma and about how i feel rejected, neglected and misunderstood at times. That person said that my feelings were valid and that’s all I wanted to hear. And that I needed to forgive in order to release myself from the traumas and the anger that was going on inside my heart.

I’m glad that ate was the one who got to answer my call. I was just so down.

[imstillboobear]

I miss writing about my progress, my growth and the things that are going on with my life. To be honest, I felt like my world stopped because of the pandemic. I’m trying my best to just survive but I’m not really living my life as I used to do. I feel so deprived of the things that makes me ‘me’. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for all the things that I had and all the friends and relationships I made during this time but still, I feel like there’s something missing. I guess I’ll just figure this pandemic life thing, even though most of the people have already adjusted to this.

[imstillboobear]

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHJHJHHJJJJHHHHH

[imstillboobear]

I’m tired, I just want peace. My chest just feels so heavy.

[imstillboobear]

Simple things

It’s always the small and the simplest stuff that makes our hearts flutter. Those little updates on how their day went, those random calls you get in the middle of the day, and the jokes made just to make you laugh. I wouldn’t trade it for anything else.