Taking it, right in the #redundancy. #FML
"Take a seat, Bel. These things never go down well." That was my global manager, seated with my line manager, Thomas. I was 25 and being made #redundant, from what I thought was the start of my career in South East Asia, the goldmine of development.
Redundant? Does that mean rejected?
From life?
Fuck.
While we've been planning these large scale international redundancies - to follow the set up of our new site in Kuala Lumpur.
Turns out, there was an earlier meeting than the ones I was there for, where mine was confirmed, the wax melting confirmed and fuck, was I majorly disheartened to say the least. #Betrayal, shock and a can of whoopass were laying into my self and professional esteem. Plus I had to get back to Melbourne from fucking Malaysia now?
Thomas: "Aren't you happy? It's a great package. Be happy, Bel. Technically, you're lucky to have this severance, following your consulting contract, you only became permanent 14 months before today. If we did this 3 months ago, it would have been free, for us, anyway."
Did they snort and laugh at behaviours that were different to theirs? Probably. Fuck these guys, you've got a holiday booked. Fuck. You have a meeting, right now. I'm pretty sure I went to the meeting. Idiot.
"I'm really going to miss this place, Thomas. I've lost friends, I've had a hard time with my partner. I've forgotten shitloads but have learnt more. I'll miss you most of all. Yeah, see you next week for a lunch" - A deflated as hell me manages to muster up.
I was escorted out of the building. I didn't hear from Thomas when I got back home. He didn't congratulate me on my new role.
Welcome to the corporate world, Gen Y, born after 1981 - it's an ugly place and behind your keyboard is a world that will #killmyvibe and #killyourvibe.
We're going to need a stronger introduction, there's a lot of tales to tell.
For nearly 10 years, I have taken away the difficulty of attracting, developing and retaining individuals that make mountains of dollars for companies at the top of the Fortune 500, have consulted to start up enterprises on psychometric tools and been part of large scale global HR projects.
I am fascinated by psychology at work; its application in assessments and just how some of the best of them can sum you up as a person. This gives us ways to wrap the coils of a "psychological contract" around the Sales Executives we think might be leaving to competitor lands. They're the flight risks, of which I understand to be 3 types of, so far.
I am a convicted workaholic with many a relationships having been sacrificed and/or snuffed in order for me to continue ascending up rungs, working all weekend to get ahead on next week and really - just taking the career growth thing a little too far, according to the statistics in my pivot table.
But if we spin back the time, particularly with the dials of responsibility and commitment; I've also gone toe to toe with a colleague out the back of a cafe, have snuck into work on the weekend to print sizeable quantities of stuff and harbour a secret career for sending things I've sold on eBay in work courier bags to my lucky customers.
Yeah, there is a part of me that still needs to keep it #sneaky and #street even though those days are long, long behind me so I guess that explains that part.
I must admit - I wondered if I'll be discovered, under the Herringbone collars to be someone who only loved her job and as far as competence went, turning up everyday was what she was best at.
Peep this - no matter how incredible the recognition; remembering the journey and struggled yards to achieve these bloody business goals only made me believe that because I had been able to do it - that the goals were too small, the strategy too sparse in complexity.
That is, until I started taking more and more mental notes on the shit that goes down at work, the confidential discussions, the workforce planning - yeah yeah.
Can we keep it interesting, you say?
Ok, how about the new restroom for senior execs to avoid a blooded tampon bandit?
Or the operations manager that stole 720K right out the warehouse over 5 months?
Another one coming to mind is the hell unleashed by the EMEA sales director who got his wallet, business card from Stripperama and (rumour was dirty) knickers posted to his home, addressed to his wife....turns out it was Jacob in marketing who didn't like losing his car space last quarter. Fucking ouch. I've got bucket loads.
This isn't exactly a page for haters, it's more for the common person that didn't really have anyone to tell about #whatwentdownyesterdayatwork, or #standuptobullies that were never called out or maybe just some #stories of #cracked things that we deal with, like bullies and berating at work, in order to pay our mortgages, before we are committed to paying school fees for our children to decrease the ratio of salary : mortgage they will require to set aside for their litter.
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That's it for now. I guess I'll be back later with either a big long story, or maybe just a quick footnote quote from an inspiring manager that belonged to a lady I had found with a bleeding wrist in a cubicle - back when I was waiting at catering events.
"Look, I dunno what could happen, but if it starts to bleed like that again then maybe take her outside. But Bel, somebody needs to remind the fucking bitch that nobody is across slides 4-18 and there is a hall of diners and donators about to start fucking entrees. Wipe up her wrists and hurry the FUCK UP".
He had no idea I was part of the catering staff.
Just like I had no idea he could have had a beating heart underneath his fat cat exterior.