Believe in Me

under construction.

[imtinkerbell]

In talking to a friend about an old one shot I wrote I had to log back in here.

Hi everybody, it’s been 2 years. I’m still alive and I hope those of you that remain here are well <3

[imtinkerbell]

Farewell and then some

I don’t think I’m coming back here. If I ever do it won’t be here like this. I don’t know but I just can’t see myself returning.

When I started writing Tink, I was a year out of high school and admittedly I was really in a rough place. I didn’t have many friends and felt really isolated from my real life. I struggled for years irl to feel like anything I was doing mattered or like I even had a future after college. I feel like I was being crushed under the weight of my own lack of an existence. I felt like a ghost that could’ve vanished and nobody really would’ve noticed. I remember a conversation with my dad where he told me that he didn’t think I’d ever even go to university because I’d fallen into such a hole. But it was that day that I decided I couldn’t be in that rut anymore. It was probably the hardest thing I’d ever done but within the following few weeks I’d applied to university and prayed that I could prove him wrong. I did and that was probably the beginning of the end for me here, three years ago.

I got to university and I made friends and for the first time in my life I feel…good? Like, in my brain? Sure I still obviously have depression and my anxiety is never gonna fuckin go away but I am finally in control. That feeling has been such a weight off my shoulders. I have group(s) of friends, I’m busy all the time and when I write it’s because I’m so genuinely full of muse and excitement that it happens in an organic way that it really hasn’t in a number of years now. If I’m being honest, a lot of my writing here for a number of years has been peppered with anxiety about maintaining a constant reputation, doing everything just so so that nobody can ever be mad at me and when I fuck up, it stays as far back in the background as I can keep it. I can’t live like that, nor do I want to. I have like…real shit to worry about. I finally feel like I can be me in a way that I don’t think I ever have been in my entire life. I have friends that respect I need my downtime but always extend the invitation anyways and it’s helped me to actually get out more. I’ve had to become self sufficient and it took a lot of help but I got there eventually with help from a new therapist I got when I got to school.

Tumblr has a place in my life and in shaping who I have become today and that’s not something I regret. I don’t know if I’d be here to say goodbye if it weren’t for the friends that I’ve made since I got here. They of course, need no mention because they know who they are. I hope to keep in touch with a lot of people after this gets posted, everybody here still means so much to me. I’m not always the best at communicating but it’s never for a lack of missing the people I care about most. Tumblr kept me on this planet long enough to get me out the other side of this ugly tunnel. Maybe it will again someday, maybe it won’t. But I finally feel like I am moving forward and that’s good enough for now.

At the risk of being sappy, thanks for sticking around if you read this and thank you even more if you’ve been following me the last 6 years. I wish you all the best, even the people that I no longer speak to for better or worse. I still rp off tumblr and my discord is posted here if you ever want to drop a line. Tink is still around too, and every other character I’ve ever written since I got here. I also still have a personal I’m down to pass around on request, it’s kind of a mesh of whatever I’m watching and it’s a tagless mess so request at your own risk.

Anyways, this is goodbye. Thanks tumblr, you stupid terrible website.

My name is Jenna, I’m about to graduate college and it has been an honor writing with you all.

[imtinkerbell]

Farewell and then some

I don’t think I’m coming back here. If I ever do it won’t be here like this. I don’t know but I just can’t see myself returning.

When I started writing Tink, I was a year out of high school and admittedly I was really in a rough place. I didn’t have many friends and felt really isolated from my real life. I struggled for years irl to feel like anything I was doing mattered or like I even had a future after college. I feel like I was being crushed under the weight of my own lack of an existence. I felt like a ghost that could’ve vanished and nobody really would’ve noticed. I remember a conversation with my dad where he told me that he didn’t think I’d ever even go to university because I’d fallen into such a hole. But it was that day that I decided I couldn’t be in that rut anymore. It was probably the hardest thing I’d ever done but within the following few weeks I’d applied to university and prayed that I could prove him wrong. I did and that was probably the beginning of the end for me here, three years ago.

I got to university and I made friends and for the first time in my life I feel…good? Like, in my brain? Sure I still obviously have depression and my anxiety is never gonna fuckin go away but I am finally in control. That feeling has been such a weight off my shoulders. I have group(s) of friends, I’m busy all the time and when I write it’s because I’m so genuinely full of muse and excitement that it happens in an organic way that it really hasn’t in a number of years now. If I’m being honest, a lot of my writing here for a number of years has been peppered with anxiety about maintaining a constant reputation, doing everything just so so that nobody can ever be mad at me and when I fuck up, it stays as far back in the background as I can keep it. I can’t live like that, nor do I want to. I have like…real shit to worry about. I finally feel like I can be me in a way that I don’t think I ever have been in my entire life. I have friends that respect I need my downtime but always extend the invitation anyways and it’s helped me to actually get out more. I’ve had to become self sufficient and it took a lot of help but I got there eventually with help from a new therapist I got when I got to school.

Tumblr has a place in my life and in shaping who I have become today and that’s not something I regret. I don’t know if I’d be here to say goodbye if it weren’t for the friends that I’ve made since I got here. They of course, need no mention because they know who they are. I hope to keep in touch with a lot of people after this gets posted, everybody here still means so much to me. I’m not always the best at communicating but it’s never for a lack of missing the people I care about most. Tumblr kept me on this planet long enough to get me out the other side of this ugly tunnel. Maybe it will again someday, maybe it won’t. But I finally feel like I am moving forward and that’s good enough for now.

At the risk of being sappy, thanks for sticking around if you read this and thank you even more if you’ve been following me the last 6 years. I wish you all the best, even the people that I no longer speak to for better or worse. I still rp off tumblr and my discord is posted here if you ever want to drop a line. Tink is still around too, and every other character I’ve ever written since I got here. I also still have a personal I’m down to pass around on request, it’s kind of a mesh of whatever I’m watching and it’s a tagless mess so request at your own risk.

Anyways, this is goodbye. Thanks tumblr, you stupid terrible website.

My name is Jenna, I’m about to graduate college and it has been an honor writing with you all.

[imtinkerbell]

Farewell and then some

I don’t think I’m coming back here. If I ever do it won’t be here like this. I don’t know but I just can’t see myself returning.

When I started writing Tink, I was a year out of high school and admittedly I was really in a rough place. I didn’t have many friends and felt really isolated from my real life. I struggled for years irl to feel like anything I was doing mattered or like I even had a future after college. I feel like I was being crushed under the weight of my own lack of an existence. I felt like a ghost that could’ve vanished and nobody really would’ve noticed. I remember a conversation with my dad where he told me that he didn’t think I’d ever even go to university because I’d fallen into such a hole. But it was that day that I decided I couldn’t be in that rut anymore. It was probably the hardest thing I’d ever done but within the following few weeks I’d applied to university and prayed that I could prove him wrong. I did and that was probably the beginning of the end for me here, three years ago.

I got to university and I made friends and for the first time in my life I feel...good? Like, in my brain? Sure I still obviously have depression and my anxiety is never gonna fuckin go away but I am finally in control. That feeling has been such a weight off my shoulders. I have group(s) of friends, I’m busy all the time and when I write it’s because I’m so genuinely full of muse and excitement that it happens in an organic way that it really hasn’t in a number of years now. If I’m being honest, a lot of my writing here for a number of years has been peppered with anxiety about maintaining a constant reputation, doing everything just so so that nobody can ever be mad at me and when I fuck up, it stays as far back in the background as I can keep it. I can’t live like that, nor do I want to. I have like...real shit to worry about. I finally feel like I can be me in a way that I don’t think I ever have been in my entire life. I have friends that respect I need my downtime but always extend the invitation anyways and it’s helped me to actually get out more. I’ve had to become self sufficient and it took a lot of help but I got there eventually with help from a new therapist I got when I got to school.

Tumblr has a place in my life and in shaping who I have become today and that’s not something I regret. I don’t know if I’d be here to say goodbye if it weren’t for the friends that I’ve made since I got here. They of course, need no mention because they know who they are. I hope to keep in touch with a lot of people after this gets posted, everybody here still means so much to me. I’m not always the best at communicating but it’s never for a lack of missing the people I care about most. Tumblr kept me on this planet long enough to get me out the other side of this ugly tunnel. Maybe it will again someday, maybe it won’t. But I finally feel like I am moving forward and that’s good enough for now.

At the risk of being sappy, thanks for sticking around if you read this and thank you even more if you’ve been following me the last 6 years. I wish you all the best, even the people that I no longer speak to for better or worse. I still rp off tumblr and my discord is posted here if you ever want to drop a line. Tink is still around too, and every other character I’ve ever written since I got here. I also still have a personal I’m down to pass around on request, it’s kind of a mesh of whatever I’m watching and it’s a tagless mess so request at your own risk.

Anyways, this is goodbye. Thanks tumblr, you stupid terrible website.

My name is Jenna, I’m about to graduate college and it has been an honor writing with you all.

[imtinkerbell]

Yes so idk what is wrong with me, I want to be on here but every time I look at my dash I just feel exhausted. I’ve been writing Tink off tumblr for some time now and I think for the foreseeable future that’s where we’re gonna be. I don’t think I’m ready to say goodbye here but I guess just consider this an indefinite hiatus.

If you would like to add my discord I am more than happy to write over there, in fact at this point I prefer it.

[imtinkerbell]

Yes so idk what is wrong with me, I want to be on here but every time I look at my dash I just feel exhausted. I’ve been writing Tink off tumblr for some time now and I think for the foreseeable future that’s where we’re gonna be. I don’t think I’m ready to say goodbye here but I guess just consider this an indefinite hiatus.

If you would like to add my discord I am more than happy to write over there, in fact at this point I prefer it.

[imtinkerbell]

Yes so idk what is wrong with me, I want to be on here but every time I look at my dash I just feel exhausted. I’ve been writing Tink off tumblr for some time now and I think for the foreseeable future that’s where we’re gonna be. I don’t think I’m ready to say goodbye here but I guess just consider this an indefinite hiatus.

If you would like to add my discord I am more than happy to write over there, in fact at this point I prefer it.

[imtinkerbell]

Yes so idk what is wrong with me, I want to be on here but every time I look at my dash I just feel exhausted. I’ve been writing Tink off tumblr for some time now and I think for the foreseeable future that’s where we’re gonna be. I don’t think I’m ready to say goodbye here but I guess just consider this an indefinite hiatus.

If you would like to add my discord I am more than happy to write over there, in fact at this point I prefer it.

[imtinkerbell]

this is a v tentative starter call !!

[imtinkerbell]

this is a v tentative starter call !!

[imtinkerbell]

this is a v tentative starter call !!

[imtinkerbell]

&.evlhook‌

with ur dad’s beautiful eyes

[imtinkerbell]

evlhook replied to your post: ….hi yes

hi mum !

LOOK @ MY CUTE AS HEC SON

[imtinkerbell]

....hi yes

[imtinkerbell]

i’m sorry i haven’t been active. i’ve been struggling with coming back and i’m starting to realize why.

i’ve been playing tink for 6 years almost, i’ve made a lot of friends here and i’ve really loved my time playing here. in that time you can imagine i’ve seen a lot of people come and go. i’ve watched the fandom grow and shrink and it’s shrunken a lot lately. i still have muse for tink, i write her all the time off tumblr. but less and less it feels like i have a place here and i’m not sure how to change that fact. 

i want to continue but i don’t know if i know how. in the past i’ve pushed past this feeling and kept going out of...probably dumb reasons like spite or sheer force of will but idk, i don’t know if i have it in me anymore. 

i’m still not sure why i’m even writing this, i just have had this feeling for so long and i haven’t even really had anybody i can talk to about it. who knows, maybe finally letting all of this out will make me feel better and will make it easier to write again.

for nearly 6 years i’ve done my darnedest to keep these kinds of feelings off tumblr, i’ve seen so many people write a lot of manipulative shit on this website and i never wanted to be one of them. and this isn’t one either, this is just my honest feeling, that i no longer feel like i have a place or community here and that could be attributed to any number of things time, shrinking fandom, consolidation of wanted characters, who knows? i don’t and i really don’t know if i care to find out. i just know that the feeling exists and if i didn’t do something about it, that i was going to delete and fall off the face of the website. and sometimes something is writing a long text post that you will end up deleting by tomorrow.

but i do know is that i’m not alone in this feeling, i’m not remotely the first to feel it and i won’t be the last. writing about it, having an honest conversation with myself about what i’m feeling, i know that it at least creates a sense of community in the knowledge that this is not a unique experience

just kinda sucks, yaknow? but at least it’s not bottled up anymore

[fuckstruckswan]

[imtinkerbell]

@arielthelionhearted

[hope-mikaelson]

Endless Gifs of ALICE JONES; 7x18 - “The Guardian”