I lay in his arms at night and stare at the ring on finger. The diamond shimmers in the moonlight coming in the window much like it did in the sun on the day he proposed. I had spent the afternoon thinking of how how to call it quits with him when he got down on one knee. As he talked about his love for me and the future he wanted together all I could think of was her. His eyes were full of love and hope as he said the last line of his speech, "Will you marry me?" He looked up at me waiting for my response. I had decided then it would be easier to learn to love him than to really love her. I couldn't give her the life she deserves no matter how enamored I was with her. My family would never accept my loving a woman with their traditional beliefs so I really only had one choice.
"Of course I will marry you darling."
He put the ring on my finger and wrapped me in his arms. He mistook my tears for ones of joy and kissed me. We spent the rest of the day on the beach together hand in hand while I thought about what to tell her. We got back to the hotel and I told him I had to go to the other room. I called her and told her that even though I loved her it was over between us. She cried, we both did. She told me if I didn't love him now I would never learn to and maybe she was right but it was worth a try.
Now two years later I still say I love him but I don't think I've ever ment it. Perhaps one day will and I can finally put this all behind me because I know I will never be able to accept myself for what I really am. When I met her I knew deep down I was a lesbian but I hated myself for it. I never told anyone about the relationship we had and I never will. I will grow to love my husband but until then, however long it may be, I will play the role of the wife he deserves.
I will forever think of her when I look at stars or smell the vanilla perfume she always wore. She has a special place in my heart, one that should be reserved my husband but isn't for now. I think of her brown eyes that had specks of green in them if you got close enough to look. The way her tangled hair looked in the wind, messy but beautiful. I keep the thoughts of her in my head because after all I am just my husband's wife.
Authors note: hii! This is part of a story I'm writing and was looking for some feedback and advice. The hers and hims are because I don't have names for the characters yet but I'm working on it lol. Please leave your thoughts or comments
vaporwave
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
ellievsbear
amandla
prguitarman
kianamaiart
