in a way, jing yuan wasn't entirely surprised by the way his advances were well met. in fact, his smile turned from something devilishly mischievous to something far more gentle. there weren't many on the xianzhou who would be this transparent with him, even while drinking. everything was simply a game of chess— pieces on a board shuffling to just the right spot until the moment they were seized. the general had long since grown tired of the game that was always to his advantage, yet he somehow never seemed to score a complete victory without the distinct feeling of emptiness looming overhead.
with boothill, every action he took was entirely his own. every leap he took before looking, every subsequent visit to the xianzhou since they'd met, and even the gentle way his fingers arranged his hair so he could see the truth behind his eyes. it was all so incredibly endearing and ultimately refreshing that jing yuan wondered if he could simply take what he wanted for himself in the same way boothill did.
' i'd be damed honored t'be by your side. '
it was so genuine and thoughtful— a way of laying his cards out on the table that jing yuan had never experienced before.
' if i did get one over on you, what would you do, then? '
it's something he couldn't help but ask aloud in the hope that boothill might take the leap of faith and quit being a proper fuckin' gentleman and kiss him like he said he would.
now, all that was left was for the general to lay his cards out, too. the only trouble was that every word lay trapped behind the lump in his throat. how could someone with such little experience with expressing the genuine nature of his feelings hope to convey how much he wanted boothill by his side. even now as he toyed with his hair and touched his face so delicately, how could he tell him that he'd desired to be as wild and free as bootill was in his youth, and that same fire ignited by the desire for freedom still burned brightly, yet remained trapped within the sort of cell that wouldn't allow its escape?
' i don't want uncomplicated. i don't want to try this out. '
in fact, he'd given perhaps a bit too much thought as to how they'd work out. someone would see him happy with boothill and tell someone. that someone would assuredly tell someone else more important. that someone else with greater rank would no doubt make it their business to either intervene in his affairs or try to leverage the situation to their favor. in all the ways he attempted to move the pieces around the board, jing yuan could not find a single strategy where his was the victory. for once, he was okay with that. taking the heat for someone he selfishly desired was well worth the sacrifice.
jing yuan took the hand that carefully traced the line of his jaw and held it so he could lean in, resting his face into the palm of his hand so he could say what no drink could ever truly help him say;